Protecting Your Heart
Experiencing hurtful feelings is a universal life experience. We all have been injured by unkind words or scolded by a displeased parent or teacher. Have you felt betrayed by a friend or a partner or had your heart completely broken.
As these experiences happened maybe we began to put up emotional walls so you would not be hurt again, and with every hurt that wall goes up higher. Over time the wall gets taller, thicker and stronger and you discovered that the sting of being hurt wasn’t as painful.
Those emotional walk begin their construction during our childhood.
If you grew up in a home where emotions weren’t safe to feel. Or maybe you learned how to avoid conflict. There might have been some abuse or trauma that you experienced.
Whatever your reason for building then, they were good ones.
We build walls so that we can survive better and cope in your world. Maybe these walls have allowed you to function and not fall apart.
There’s Pain in Vulnerability
When we begin raising our emotional walls, we may have felt very vulnerable to outside forces, or to things you were out of control.
Maybe the vulnerability came when we experience feelings of being unloved, unworthy,or unimportant. Whatever our experience was, it is very painful.
Keep Low Expectations
Expect bother, lose nothing. Right? Sadly, once we’ve erected those thick strong emotional walls, feeling have trouble getting in or out.
We learn to expect little from others, and settle for not expressing our feelings because talking about them make us feel vulnerable.
For me in childhood I had put up walls to avoid being vulnerable to my mother. When I moved out of my parents home, I felt safe enough to let those wall come down a bit, having felt the love of my boyfriend (now husband) I thought this is easy, how did I finally find someone to love me. Then we got married and had children and the trauma of my childhood started oozing out of me at every pour. He found pleasure outside or marriage. And I had two babies to raise. Up those walls went and my marriage deteriorated. I focused on raising two children and ignoring what happened in my marriage. After the children were raised ( Thank the Lord they are happy successful adults now.) I had a choice to either stay with my husband or leave. We are married today, we are working everything out.
Though our walls have served as our protector they come at a cost.
Missing Out on the Beautiful Aspects of Life
When we put walls around our hearts, it is difficult to fee, the emotions of others much less our own.
A sort of emotional numbness takes over. We may have trouble identifying our feelings about something.
When we guard our emotion, we miss out on the beautiful aspects of life, including vitality and passion. We miss out on having a loving, connected relationship.
What are some signs you may have built emotional walls?
- You don’t feel intense joy or deep sadness.
- In a relationship,your partner may doubt your love for them.
- You are an able manager of your emotions so you can minimize the disc of you will feel when your feelings go unexpressed
- You engage in salt-sabotage in your romantic relationships, ending the relationship before you can get hurt.
- People may have told you that you are hard
- Living a single life might be your preference.
Do any of these sound familiar? Are you living behind emotional walls?
I usually don’t recommend therapy for anything. But in this case you might need to see one to explore all of your emotional baggage that behind those walls. It’s tough and I urge you to tell them the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I didn’t start healing and bring down those walls until I told the truth and stopped hiding behind the wall.
Explore you emotions walls, and put it into words.it will help give you perspective, self-compassion and the ability to heal.
Identify what emotional safety would look like for you. Creating emotional safety will most often look like the opposite of your childhood experience.
If you can get your spouse to begin therapy with you (mine refused.) It is a excellent place to start the process and how to build your new muscle to express emotion.
Build up your ability to be resilient
Building up your ability to be resilient, will allow you to bounce back from painful emotions. Techniques that might help:
Rewrite your story
Don’t personalize it
Take stress breaks
Get out of your comfort zone
Deciding to tear down your emotional walls requires commitment, and practice expressing your feelings through communication in an environment that feels safe.
You don’t have to miss out on the beautiful aspects of your life. Learn how to create emotional safety, be more comfortable with vulnerability and develop healthy expectations as you begin to understand the value and importance of self-expression