When I became an Adult, I had a lot of baggage I was carrying. This bandage way weighing me down horribly. I was unable to forgive my mother for what she did to me as a child, my boyfriend’s that hurt me so badly, my sister for abandoning our father,and even my husband for the way he treated me when I was sick.
When I became a Christian and began reading the Bible. I was still not sure I could forgive anyone. I hated these people I think that is more than un-forgiveness. In Matthew 18: 21-22 the Lord answered Peters question about forgiveness as I read this the Lord’s answer stopped me in my tracks. I was still at the eye for an eye way of thinking and didn’t know if I was ready to make a commitment to God’s ways.
As I decided to go all in I though perhaps He needed to hear me out on this forgiveness thing, I was sure he would understand once I told him the things that I was unable to forgive. Just in case He hadn’t heard me correctly. I even went into the poor poor pitiful me woes. I He listened then closed down my play and gave me more time to read between the lines. It was to make me sure I heard Him correctly.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet shed on the heel that crushed it.Mark Twain
Forgiveness can, at times, be a hard pill to swallow especially if you are one who needs to do the forgiving.
How could I forgive a mother who beat me and locked me in the closet, who starved me to the point of malnutrition. A mother who would not let me speak.
Has forgiving someone been difficult for you? I really try to live a good and honest life, to be fair and kind to others. Back when I couldn’t forgive anyone for anything, when someone would do something to make me angry with my nose flaring, or saying something about my past would trigger me to the point to stir my pot. It was hard to turn the other cheek. Before I couldn’t just let things slide off my back. I have forgiven many people, even my mother. It is well buried and I’ve gotten over it.
And, yes my husband and I are still married. I’ve forgiven him and he has forgiven me. We are starting over. Life has been good.
Through trial and error, I’ve the forgiving isn’t forgetting, it being able to move on without anger or being shackled to the wrong that people have done to me. I deal with this because I am someone who believes the God has given us all kinds of emotions, some are healthy and some not so much. I believe he must be okay with me expressing the occasional unhealthy emotions. When the unhealthy emotions surface, I allow myself a minimum amount of time to express then in my time ways from people. I talk to God about these emotions and listen to him when he answers.
When we are in the presence of a unhealthy visitor. Don’t feel bad if you have to show them the door. I say aloud to them it’s time for you to leave now. When I have to make an exit from people in society. I walk away. And clear my head.
Psalm 19:15 says “Let the words of your mouth and the thought of my heart favor before you, O’ Lord, my rock and redeemer.
He is the best one to calm me down and to remind me how far I have come from the old me. I keep the Bible and spiritual books near me and do not feed my anger which could lead to not feeling very forgiving. Is it easy? No. At least not for me. I do have to remind myself that God has a plan for me, and it’s doesn’t involve my attitude.
For I know the plans I have for you, this is the Lord’s declaration- plans your well-being, not for disaster, but to give you a future and a hope.Jeremiah 29:11
Another way is that I remember the many, many times God has forgiven me. Thinking of those times I have to take a humble pill, it gets easier as o remind myself that I am not perfect and neither are the people who I’ve come in contact with. I have realized that many people act the way they do because their lives have been hard too. Everyone has a background story.
Forgiving ourselves. I have spoken to many people who have trouble forgiving themselves. Something has happened in their past and this has made them feel shame or beaten down. They want to move forward but, they do not feel worthy of being forgiven. For almost 40 years I had felt unworthy, like I was to blame for what my past was like. Not anymore!
I think if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.C.S. Lewis
It maybe difficult but those are the times we have to separate yourself from any one who wants to tear down and not build up. I had to do this some who were close to me. This doesn’t mean you must stay away forever, but at least until you are strong enough to say “That’s not who I am now, I choose to not go back where I was.
Come now, let us set things right, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they may become white as snow; though they are crimson red, they may be white as wool.Isaiah 1:18
This Isaiah verse helped me tremendously. With God’s help, I could shed layers of guilt, hurts, and shame that I had piled on myself. He let me see the woman He had created me to be.