Let’s face it there are some dear souls that just rub us the wrong way. Sandpaper people.
So what do you do when someone rubs us in the wrong way? Run? Explode? Ignore?
I know many people that run, they don’t even want to be around them. And I have to admit I have ran from sandpaper people.
But you can’t always eliminate conflict in your life by running. You can shrink it down to size and not let it ruin your day or your relationship by the way you deal with it.
Mathew 7:3-5 says why do you see the speck in someone else’s eye but do not notice the log in your own eye? Let me take the speck out of your eye when there is a log your own eye. You Hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of someone else’s eye.
Why is it so easy to see someone else’s fault while totally overlook our own. Are focused on the sandpaper person-what they did, what they said, and how they were wrong. We nitpick every little thing that is wrong with them.
We find the more that is wrong with them the more is right about us. Chances are when we look into our own hearts, we will find our own mountain sized bitterness, pride, resentment. Jesus tells us before we go deal with someone else’s molehill, go get real with yourself and God. Get real then go get right about your own stuff.
The result isn’t just that you are then qualified to deal with someone else’s wrongs. The bigger result is that you are humble and compassionate toward the one who wronged you. Face it we are all wrong on some level most of the time.
Clothe Yourself In Love
Colossians 3: 12-15 tells us to put on therefore, as God’s chosen one’s holy and beloved, a heart of compassion, kindness, loneliness, humility, and perseverance baring with one another, and forgiving one another. If any man has a complaint against any; even as Messiah forgave you, so you do also. Above all these things, walk in love, which is the bond of perfection.
Don’t you want others to be patient with you when you blow it? I sure do.
When we chose to bear with one another it doesn’t mean ignore sin and avoid conflict, it just means we infuse it with some patience. Don’t stomp yourself into a confrontation with an agenda of the ways that person needs to change or apologize. (even if the should) We don’t clothe ourselves in anger when we approach a sandpaper people, we clothe ourselves in the love of Christ. Even if you don’t feel an ounce of love for them because you’re so hurt or mad, Jesus loves them and you can ask a Him to love them through you.
James 1:19-20 Know this my beloved brothers (and sisters): let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
I was listening to a speaker by the name of Graham Cooke a few years ago he said if you get into conflict with the intention to hear a person that rubs you the wrong way lays the foundation for a healthy discussion. Tell them what is good about them- they are organized, they have beautiful eyes, they are strong willed. I love to give people hugs, yes even the sandpaper people. When I give the hugs, I can feel who they are, and they give of vibes to who they really are. Let them know you understand-as much as you can- how they make you feel, and then listen to their heart.
2 Timothy 1: 7 tells us God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Now if you’ve removed that plank from your eye, put on love, chosen to approach your sandpaper person as a listener, then it’s time to flat out tell the truth.
Confrontation is hard for me, I avoid it at all costs, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. I don’t ever want to hurt anyone. Even if they have hurt me, when it comes down to it, I don’t want to confront them and correct them. I want to run from them and hide in my own hurt. But, God has not given us a spirit of timidity. Instead he gives us love, power and self-control. That means we can speak the truth in a loving, kind way. We can trust that God will empower us to represent the truth in a situation and represent Him well also.