Family Secrets

It is true that every family has its secrets; however, it is the content of the secret that really counts.

Secrets can be small and insignificant, (planning a surprise birthday party celebration or a vacation) Those type of secrets and their keepers cause no harm.

On the other hand, traumatic, painful, or life changing secrets potentially can damage on the entire family’s mental health and well-being for some time.

Should You Keep Family Secrets?

Here’s why it might be harmful to continue doing so.

The most frequently kept secrets within a family include, but not limited to finances, serious health issues, abuse and death, and impeding divorce.

While keeping a family secret from the outside world may be advisable in some instances for privacy or protection, keeping secrets with a family can prove problematic.

Here are a few reasons why:

• Keeping secrets can destroy relationships.

Keeping secrets within a marriage, or any significant adult relationship, can cause a breakdown in communication. The bond between the adults my be irreparably harmed, causing harm to any children as well.

When I was a children my brother drowned in a lake, when he was a scout trip. He was 11. I remember asking my parents where by brother was. “O’ he hasn’t come back you.” I heard my parents talking out his death. So, I walked to the funeral home and seen him laying in a coffin. When my father came home from I asked again, I said, I knew where my bother was. I told them I walked to the funeral home. He said “O he’s just sleeping. I lost all trust in my parents.

• Keeping secrets can affect children’s lives.

Keeping secrets from children should be carefully thought through. Children are extremely perceptive, when they sense something wrong they become alarmed, and anxious.

• Keeping secrets can cause suspicion and resentment.

Keeping secrets within the family can ignite feeling of suspicion and resentment among family members. We would all like to believe that those closest to us and claim to love us mean what they say can be trusted.

• Keeping secrets can create a false sense of reality.

Keeping secrets within the family can create a false sense of reality. Especially among children. Children learn about the world from the adults in their lives. When they are eventually told the truth, either by the parent or even worse by someone outside the family, their world may feel shattered. Secrets’ impact on children can be profound, regardless of their age.

When I was in 3rd grade I finally go up the nerve to tell my teacher, what my mother was doing to be. To say the least that didn’t help at all. The teacher went straight to my mom. And of course, she told the teacher that I just had a big imagination. And when I came home from school I was punished for telling a “family secret.” So, from then on out, I knew I could trust no one one.

• Keeping secrets can cause illness

Keeping traumatic secrets can result in excessive stress and guilt for the person carrying the burden of knowledge, even when that silence is thought to be the best possible option from all concerned. Physical symptoms such as anxiety, headaches, backaches, and digestive problems often can occur when disturbing secrets are internalized, rather than shared, especially over a long period of time. Person harboring such discomfort, often turned to alcohol or addictive substances to mask their pain. I began drinking at the age of 12.

That was my tipping point. I thought “well,if they don’t care about me, why should I care about myself.”

Secrets, especially ones about abuse, can lead to a horrific adult life. I held on to my secret of abuse for about 40 years. I had seen many therapists but I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t have a childhood. So, I lived my childhood through the things I did with my children.

To this day, I cannot believe my husband stayed with me. I still wonder why today.

With my faith and having hope that my children didn’t ever know what I went through as a child. Thank God, they are both very successful adults today. And my husband and I forgave each other for everything in the past. And started from scratch, a new husband and wife relationship.

Despite everything I endured God kept me alive. I know He had a purpose for me.

No matter what people have to experience in their lives. Everyone has a gift from God and a purpose.