Hidden anger can manifest itself in a number of ways, many of which may surprise you.
Procrastination in the completion of tasks especially the ones you don’t like to do or want to do. What do you put off? Work deadlines? Phone calls? Laundry? Grocery shopping? Going to the doctor? Paying the bills?
Habitual lateless, are you later everywhere you go, or are there patterns to it? Always late for work but early to go out with friends? Or is it the opposite?
Sarcasm, cynicism. within what context do you typically make sarcastic, cynical remarks? Is it only with certain people or only within a certain context? Is your hidden anger tired to a certain person, in terms of what they bring out in you? Or isn’t more general, tired to how you feel in specific situations as opposed to whom you are with.
Do you sign frequently? Sometimes you may not even realize you are doing this, so make a note to be mindful of how frequently you sign and with what context. Again is it usually around a certain person, or is it more specific to an activity, thought, or situation?
Smiling while hurting. As with frequent sighing, this may not be something you are aware of. Next time you notice yourself smiling, heck in with your head and heart. Does your expression match what your thinking and feeling inside?
Frequent disturbing or frightening area a. The keyword here frequent. We all have bad dreams and nightmares now and then. But if they are persistent and you wake up feeling scared and I rested, anger could be the root.
Excessive irritability over things of little importance. Road rage is a perfect example. Granted, there are times when other people’s driving habits can be dangerous and warrant a strong reaction. But, when you lose it on the guy in front of you for missing the light or forgetting to turn on his blinker, the anger you’re feeling was already there, just waiting for the opportunity to erupt. The same is true of minor incidents throughout any given day, from spilling your coffee to having trouble with the internet connection.
Facial tics, foot movements, habitual first clinching, or repeatedly physical acts done unintentionally. Again these things are thongs you may not be aware of. Also, with all the other symptoms of hidden anger on this list, be open to noticing their presence a d mindful when they occur.
If anyone these things are true for you, understand these are not behaviors to be cursed. Instead, consider the warning signs that anger may be present. The key is getting to the root cause of anger, which the may or may not relate to a specific event. In fact, your anger is most likely tied to believes and relationships that span over a lifetime.
I have a heart for people who are broken.
I was broken for so many years so, I understand where people are coming through and why they behave in certain ways.
Their reactions stem from past experiences that led them to believe that they accepted as truth. They are preconceived ideas projected onto others to protect their ego.
Instead of taking it personally, I recognize it for what it is and love the person anyway.
When you know where people’s reactions to you are coming from, it’s much easier to not take it personally.
It’s really not about us at all. It’s about them and what’s inside them coming out and projecting onto us.
I have been manipulated and hurt by hurt people who have wanted to hurt me?
I have backed away from relationships to see if they would really quit on me and leave. Most of them have. If they quit on me because I was behaving in a certain way, I told myself I didn’t need them, if they didn’t need me. The problem is I needed that person more than they needed me.
I’ve had people I looked up to say many unkind things to me. I was striving to be better in certain areas of my like and I didn’t understand why they had been so harsh.
Although I didn’t understand completely, I knew for fact they were hurting and hurt people hurt people.
Sometimes people say what they are actually feeling about themselves. We can sometimes we can tell others what we really want to say to ourselves.
It is very typical of people in general – can only see in someone else what we have in us. When we point the finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back as us. Check and see if you are projecting what you feel to the other person.
I have friends who would never contact me first. She always waited for me to contact her. She told me many years later it made her feel loved when people contacted her first.
She was set on feeling good about herself through other people reaching out that she didn’t reach out to anyone first.
When we know people don’t want to hurt us- they are just protecting themselves and attempting to avoid mental and emotional pain.
However, we don’t need to stand for it.
So what do we do about this behavior in others?
Do we accept it or shut it down?
In my experience, there are positive ways to handle this behavior
Recognize it for what it truly is.
Create a safe space for them to be authentic.
Have one, honest communication by asking questions and sharing your feelings.
Choose whether you want to move forward with this person.
The trick is to recognize it and not play into their behavior. Don’t try and rescue them, and don’t buy into how they want you to react. Don’t give them power. Love them where they’re at and be okay with the outcome.
I had a friend once who so to say pulled my strings. I was there every time she said she needed me day or night. Because I felt sorry for her and the situation she was in. I began to be upset and very stressed out. I hadn’t realized I was enabling her to do the things she did. Not helping her or me.
Talk to then in a safe, supportive environment and ask questions to attempt to understand their feeling and why they act the way they do.
When sharing your own feelings, speak using I messages, for example I feel sad when you behave this way. Or I would really love to do to dinner with you, so we can enjoy each others company. I want to understand better what you’ve been through and what causes you to behave this way.
You have a choice as to whether you want the person in your inner circle of friends or on the outskirts.
At times you might want to love and keep people in your life, and other times you might want to love them from a distance. And release them to God and pray for them to find healing and peace within themselves.
Remember that hurt people hurt people it is not about you.
Unless you have hurt the person in some way, know that they are acting from a place of pain a d a yearning for love.
Hurting people often don’t love themselves enough so they look for love and approval from others.
Be careful as you teach people how to treat others- no matter how much a person is hurting you deserve to be loved in a way that feels good.
Hurt people hurt people, however, they hurt themselves more. We don’t need to feel hurt in the process as they take themselves down.
Rise above and hopefully we can bring them with us.
In life there are moments when trusting God’s timing is difficult. Saying- Why can’t It just happen now. I believe everything happens for a reason. No matter what may go through. God is always right by your side. In a time so riddled with uncertainty, something we can always be sure of is when life happens when it is meant to. We often find that life is more fulfilling when we accept God a realize the creator’s time is best.
Yes. I had a horrible childhood, and I was so angry and depressed for years and years. But I think God was right by me side and he was watching over me. To keep me from commenting suicide or causing harm to myself. The trials that I have went through made me the strong and happy person I am today. I know God has an amazing plan for my life.
We will all be subject to times where our faith will be tested. In a world that’s obsessed with highlighting evil achievements and forgetting the good ones, It’s easy for people to feel like we’ve been left out and the media has done nothing to help, social media has done nothing to help our feeling either. Setting us up to feel drained physically and emotionally. As well as a feeling that we have to ”keep up with the Jones’s. I’m sure many people can testify to feeling like God hasn’t heard our requests, but the truth is if He is making us wait, it’s only a matter of time before he comes through. I prayed for years for God to save my marriage, I even got to the point of telling him if he could not save it, then end it. Doubting whether he was even listening. He Was, my marriage is better now that ever before. One thing you can be sure of, he is listening, and working in the background for an amazing outcome.
Sadly we all have triggers when someone says something that ticks you off or hits you the wrong way. We need to identify what triggers us, as long as we keep giving in to them we will never be at peace.
God tells us that He has a plan for us and that prosperity will be ours and that we will never be in harm’s way as long as He is there. In order to truly trust God, separate yourself from anything that threatens your relationship with God. Whether it’s a certain group of friends, social media, or a television program. Anything that stirs up any negative feelings within you shouldn’t be part of your life. However, do not try to stop all these things at once.
Acknowledge your triggers and work on eliminating certain emotions over a period of time. These changes don’t happen overnight. So, don’t be too hard on yourself.
Don’t forget to pray- Prayer is a great way to solidify your relationship with God. Sometimes it’s not about planning what to say but instead, it’s about telling God what’s on your mind. There’s a lot of power behind speaking you prayers so your ears can hear what your saying.
1 Chronicles 16:11 encourages us to look to God for strength and to seek His face always. Whether in good times or not. And helps you realize God is in control. God is always ready to listen to what you have to say. Sometimes we try to be our own God but when push comes to shove we do not have the power.
As you wait for God’s timing don’t forget to remind yourself of God’s promises and reflect on the times when your prayer have been answered. If he’s done it before, He can do it again.
This is a difficult one, but stop acting on impulse, nothing will get all up in your feelings like acting on impulse. In a moment, it may seem like you are doing the right thing but don’t forget to question your actions.
I think of these things before I speak:
It is true?
Is it good?
Is it kind?
Is it useful?
Is it necessary?
Is the answer is you to these things go ahead and speak. If it’s not keep your thoughts to yourself a d don’t speak it out.
Proverbs 15:28 compares an individual without self-control to a city that’s been destroyed and left without walls. If you do things in haste you won’t get the outcome you truly desire and you’ll only have yourself to blame.
Wait for God’s timing is difficult but, it is worth the wait.
Stress literally means pressure or tension exerted on a physical object. In the case of psychological stress, the physical is you.
Stress is something we have all experienced. Actually, stress is useful in some areas of your life. It is part of how we have evolved to deal with the challenges we face. For example, the stress of a changing environment can help provide motivation and adaptability we need to succeed in unstable conditions. If we did not have stress, we would not have thrived as a human race.
Positive stress helps us complete tasks at work rise to new challenges and achieve great things. When stress becomes a problem the person feels like the pressure is more than they can handle.
What we’re experiencing during times of stress is a mix of physical, biological processes and physiological reactions.
Stress is part of the fight or flight reaction. This is what keeps humans safe from predators, environmental hazards and other life-threatening things to improve chances for survival. It’s very useful when faced with a lion or bear, but so much when sitting in front of a television or computer.
The fight or flight response is the body getting ready either to fight or run for your life. When you have an anxiety attack or a panic attack the fight or flight response appears. It is something that happens s without your control (although the response can be modified consciously over time with practice.) It happens deep within us and comes in a few stages.
This is when the body gets itself ready and our brain tells our body to release powerful hormones, like adrenalin cortisol. These travel in the blood to organs like muscles and back to the brain. They cause the heart to pump faster and increase blood pressure so you have enough oxygen to increase the workload.
If this stress of fight or flight continues until the hormones are all used up and we become exhausted. This means we need to recover-we are like a car with no fuel. Our body becomes more susceptible to illness like a cold or the flu.
If this process happens for a long time without a break, or happens repeatedly there can long term effects.
Knowing what causes stress can help us to identify it when it happens. If you are going through one of these things, you can be aware that your stress levels might rise, keep an eye out for symptoms. This is an important way of managing future stress.
Building our own personal and emotional space are very important if we want to feel safe and happy. Have you ever heard someone say get out of my space? Of your in my bubble?
Our personal boundaries aren’t as obvious as a fence or a no trespassing sign, unfortunately they’re more invisible bubbles.
Sometimes personal boundaries can be challenging to navigate, setting and communicating them is essential for our health, we’ll-being and safety.
Boundaries give us a sense of control over our bodies and feelings. We all have limits, and boundaries are the limit.
While setting bound for ourselves and honoring the boundaries of others is not a science. But there are ways we can take charge over our lives.
The word boundary can be misleading. It gives the idea of keeping yourself separate. But, boundaries are connecting points they provide healthy rules for relationships.
Boundican Improve Our Self-Esteem
Boundaries can protect relationships from being unsafe. It actually brings us together rather than keeping us apart.
Having boundaries allows us to make ourselves a priority, either in self-care, career choices, or with relationships.
Boundaries can be flexible
Never draw your boundaries in permanent ink, it’s good to think about them occasionally and re-assess them.
Boundaries can be to rigid or not flexible, problems can occur. You don’t want to isolate yourself or avoid closeness all together. And giving all your time to others. I know from experience giving all your time to others will destroy your health and your happiness. Creating boundaries that are too bendy are more common in women, that men.
Boundaries–Cerserving Our Emotional Energy
Ourself self-esteem and identity can be impacted, and we can build resentment toward others because of an inability to advocate for ourselves.
Don’t think you need the same boundaries as everyone else. Boundaries depends on the situation or person make sure you give yourself enough energy to care for yourself.
Draw an imaginary line separating your emotions and responsibility. My responsibility is loving and caring for my husband it is not when he makes a bad choice and has to reap his circumstances not you. If he steals something from work and he gets caught. You didn’t commit this crime he did, set a boundary that this is his problem not mine. Yes I will give advice and talk to him about it. But I cannot make his choice for him. He has to live with what he did. It is not my problem to fix. Choose to stay out of it. It will be a boundary set that will safe you a lot of stress. Know your feeling and your responsibilities to yourself and others.
It’s hard to set boundaries because
They put others needs and feelings first
They don’t know themselves
They don’t feel they have rights
They believe setting boundaries jeopardizes their relationships
They never learned to have healthy boundaries
Boundaries are learned if you were not valued as a child, you didn’t learn you had them. Any kind of abuse violates personal boundaries, including teasing. For example, my mother would tell me to shut up after a while I felt I could not say anything. This made me feel powerless and that I didn’t have a right to speak to anyone when something happened or I felt sick. Boundary violations affects a child’s ability to mature into a independent adult.
You Have Rights
You may not believe you have any rights because of situations you can experienced, but you have a right to say no and to addressed with courtesy and respect, to change your mind or cancel commitments.
If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Tell the others, learn to say stop I don’t like this or No this is not happening this way.
Try writing yourself a bill of rights. What you will let happen and what you won’t. And assert yourself. Be kind say please don’t ciritize me or call me during this time. Thank you for thinking of me, but I won’t be joining you, or I won’t be able to help you. I don’t feel comfortable with doing that, I’ll have to pass.
That black at the bottom is coal.
This is a story of a runaway with no way home and no way out. I threw the best of me away, I had my chance it’s too late now. Too far gone and too ashamed to think that you’d still know my name. But, love refused to let my story end that way. You didn’t wait for me to find myself to you, you came running after me when anybody else would have turned and left me at my worse. Love moved first.
What kind of grace, relentless grace would chase this rebel down. Crawl into this prisoner’s cage take my hand and pull me out. You knew I couldn’t make the change, so you became the change in me and now I live to tell the story of the God who rescues.
From the throne to the manger. From the manger to the cross. Your cross is proof loved moved first. From a grave meant to keep you to a stone rolled away. I remember where you found me. I’m amazed at where I stand.