Any time you allow someone to have a negative influence over the way you think, feel, or behave, you give them power over you. You let yourself become the victim.
Sometimes it’s subtle. Maybe you change the way to act around certain people because you want to please them, and it doesn’t impact your life to much.
Perhaps it’s a major change, you allow a loved one’s harsh criticism to take a serious toll on your wellbeing.
Either way, it comes down to giving away your personal power and it drains your mental strength that you need to be the best version of you.
So, what do you do to stop giving your power away. Here’s something’s I have done.
- Establish Some Healthy Boundaries
We’ve all met that person who wastes your time venting about how much they hate their job, or that friend who always asks to borrow money. Whether their taking your time or your money you have a realize if you allow it, it will continue.
You have to learn to say “no.” This was a difficult one for me, because I thought that by saying “no” people would not like me. When people violate your boundaries, follow through with the consequences.
- Take Responsibility Foe Your Actions
Don’t blame anyone else for making you feel guilty or making you feel bad about yourself. Take full responsibility for how you feel.
If someone is affecting your emotions in a unhelpful manner, take positive action. Either change the situation or change how you respond to the situation. Learn to walk away or change your environment. If you can not do either of those things take a few deep breaths, and practice using some positive self-talk and continue to engage in a difficult conversation. I found that walking away, has worked for me. It’s a definite message that many understand. Even if it’s going to another room.
- Let Other People Be Responsible For Their Emotions
Don’t take responsibility for another person’s emotions. You can’t make everyone happy. While it’s important to be conscious of how your actions affect others, it’s not up to you to mange how other people feel.
- Acknowledge Your Choices
When you find yourself thinking you have to do something, change your language. You don’t have to go grocery shopping. And you done have to take the dog to the veterinarian. These are choices.
Even going to work and paying your bills are choices. Of course, there are consequences if you don’t do these things, but acknowledging you have some sayin the matter empowers you to take responsibility for your own life.
- Live According To Your Values
Identify what’s most important to you. You will care less about going along with the crowd, and you’ll be less concerned about other people’s opinions when you are clear on your values. Identify what most important to you, and live accordingly. Whether that means you value your free time, or working long hours, enjoying you hobbies, or practicing your faith, spend your time and energy on the things that are important to you. When you are confident in your priorities, other people’s judgments will matter less.
- Forgive, And Move Forward
Holding on to a grudge diminishes your life, not anyone else’s. Don’t waste your precious time and energy rehashing past hurts and trying to punish someone else.
Recognize, that forgiveness isn’t always saying what someone did was okay. It doesn’t mean you have to associate with them. Forgiveness can involve letting go of anger that keeps you stuck so you can focus on more worthwhile things. Life it short don’t spend it in the past.
- Stop Trying To Prove People Wrong
You might feel empowered for a little while when you say, “I’ll show them!” But trying to prove people wrong actually is giving them power over you.
Trying to show someone that you’re better than they give you credit for is about them, not you. Work on goals that matter to you. If you surprise people along the way, consider that a bonus rather than your main objective.
- Don’t Let Your Self-Worth Depend On Other People’s Opinions
If you need approval or affirmation from others that you’re good enough, the people will always have power over you. Don’t make your self-worth dependent on anyone else.
Do things that make you feel like a good person and your self-worth will be built on a steadier, more independent foundation.
- Don’t Waste Time Complaining
The more time you spend complaining about people, the more space you allow them to occupy in your life. So before you dive into a 20-minute monologue about how much you dislike someone, or how annoying someone is, think about the fact that you’ll be devoting more time and energy to them. Choose to use your time and energy on more positive, worthwhile, things.
- Stop Thinking About Unhelpful Interactions With Others
Rehashing conversations and imagining dreadful interactions allows people to take up more of your brain power. While you certainly want to learn from your mistakes and plan for the future, don’t ruminate on the hurtful things someone has already said or the rude comments they might make in the future,
When you notice these scripts playing out in your head, change your thought process (we are allowed to change our thoughts). Whether this means you need to change some physical activity or it means talking ti someone about a completely different subject, refuse to focus on people who drag you down.
These are some things I’ve done to completely turn my life for the better. I hope they will help you as well.
From Pity to Praise 