Feeling Out Of Place

Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

I’ve felt out of place all my life. I knew early on I was ‘different.’ When I was in grade school I knew I was different from everyone. I always felt like a square peg, being forced into a round hollow,

I had a few people who I could relate to, but they always ended up moving away. By high school I have 4 good friends but I always felt that we were all misfits. I was bullied because I was different. Then I would go home and experience my mother’s abuse. My life wasn’t the greatest. I alway felt like I was born at the wrong time.

Feeling out of place all the time leads to anxiety, self-doubt, and a worry that takes over. I remember thinking “What’s wrong with me?”

As I get older I just learned to isolate myself because that’s the only time I felt safe. I started taking beer out the fridge at home. I knew my Father would notice he was usually drunk trying to cope with my brother’s downing. As time went on I started doing cocaine and felt on top of the world. But that didn’t last forever. Marriage came, kids came and no more drugs. My kids came first now. I focused on them instead of me.

Today I still have a few good friends, but mostly feel out of place. I still isolate myself at times, it’s when I feel safest. But, I’ve realized that I don’t need to fit in. I just do me and if people don’t like it, they can move on.

I am more at home with my church family, than I am with own. And that’s okay.