My Hardest Personal Goal

What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

My hardest personal goal came after I hit rock bottom in my life. I had to choose whether to give up or fight. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make.

I’ve had to fight my entire life, and I was tired, and thought what was the point in doing it anymore.

My first choice was to run a way from every thing I’d ever knew. Run a way from the pain and anguish I felt. I was in fact trying to run a way from my demons. The problem was that you can’t run a way from your inner demons.

The enemy tries to seize every opportunity to sway our thinking in many different ways and to varying ways. I had this old adage of saying “Don’t let Satan win.” His schemes were so hidden from my conscience thought that he had the foothold no me.

Paul in the Bible warns us that “in your anger do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26-27). I had so much retained anger that I was bitter. I was giving Satan a platform in my life.

Th anger and resentment is so much that I finally exploded. My unwillingness to forgive people in my life that I gave satan a spot to further his advances into my thought process.

That final straw that broke my back was a toilet, yes, a toilet. I had asked my husband to fix it about 100 times it felt like. One morning I just had enough. I threw the toilet lid across the bathroom and left my husband a note that said “I’m gone, I can’t do this anymore,”

I was tired of dealing with the hurt of my mother, my brothers being taken away (being killed), I was angry at my husband for not fixing things that needed fixed all the time.

So in the end it really came down to letting Satan win, or fight harder. It came down to forgiveness of every childhood hurt, the things that happened in my marriage for 25 years. I knew I had to fight harder than I ever had.

A week of constantly asking God for forgiveness, and forgive others was a difficult process. I had to shallow my pride and accept my past for what it was. And choose to start over.

With Satan having footholds and the strongholds over me. I had work on changing my complete perspective on life. It was a long process, and I knew this process would take a long time. But I realized that I had no where to go, but up.