It is dangerous for us to spend time wondering what people think of us. What people think about you is inaccurate. No matter whether they think more of us than they should or less of us than they should, they never hit the nail on the head. It’s a common affliction for many is the preoccupation with how other people perceive them.
- Are they talking about me?
- Do they like me?
- Am I attractive?
- Am I impressive?
- Why can’t I ever please them?
- Maybe if I change this about myself they will like me.
This type of self-conversation can be endless and if I’m going to be honest worthless. When it gets boiled down to the basics we conclude that some people either like us or they don’t. Nothing can change that.
I tried to get people to like me most of my life. All it led to was stress and exhaustion. Some people really don’t care much for you and that’s okay.
Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 tells us,
“Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.”
God’s Word here commands us not to be overly concerned with how others perceive you. When people speak ill of you, God’s advice is for you to refuse to take it to heart. If you listen long enough, you will eventually be made aware of something said about you that strikes at the heart of who you know yourself to be. In those times we can be offended, hurt, angered, indignant, defensive, or shamed. If we are not careful, we can allow the misguided analysis of others come to define what we believe about ourselves. This is an awful place to arrive if you are a believer in God.
So much of God’s Word seeks to empower us to draw our identity from what He says concerning us. In the Bible, God teaches us to view ourselves through the lens of grace and the completed work of Jesus. Not the hollow, inaccurate opinions of others (or even the opinion of ourselves). We are all a work in progress and we are empowered to live purposefully and fruitfully as we trust that all of our lacks are known by God.
I am not worthy but God is and He will work through me. In church last week there was a guest speaker He was a Christian Trauma Therapist. And that statement hit me like a ton of bricks. We don’t have to toil, despair, or hide when we address what we lack. Yet, when we listen to others and begin to place a premium om what they say of us or expect of us, we can lose sight of who we are in Christ Jesus and also the person who God is making us to be. So God tells us to make an art of tuning people out.
Verse 22 above indicates that we are not only victims of wrong thoughts and words but we are the source of the same thing. How many times have we spoken a thoughtless, hurtful word about someone else? I know I have said some things in anger, defensiveness, and frustration about other people. It’s easy to make quick generalizations of people, sizing them up in an instant, and communicating our dissatisfaction with them. Realizing we didn’t mean to assault anyone with our words but that’s the way they took it.
Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” when we believe what others’ opinions of us we in a sense saying they are wiser that God or have sharper discernment than the Holy Spirit.
It isn’t that you shouldn’t care what others think, it’s that you are not controlled by what others think of you.
We are supposed to love people and we are free to consider what they see and say about us, but we are also free not to give it a second thought. Some people see that they can control you by past responses you’ve given them by offering criticism or approval. These are people who you shouldn’t listen to. Instead, listen to the voice of God and Savior Jesus. That supreme voice that knows when to confirm you and convict you in your journey through life.
The voice of God is never impatient or insulting. He speaks with authority and decisiveness, but His aim is always to help you, not harm you.
Accusation is the work of the enemy and he is an expert at speaking nonsense to you through your words and thoughts as well as through others.
Ask God to empower you with a discerning heart to know the difference between His truth and fruitless input in your life.
From Pity to Praise 