Growing up

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

I have to admit I had to think on this one. At age 12 I had already been through so much. two brothers had already died. One in a drowning accident and one murdered. My father had turned to alcohol to deal with my brother’s drowning because he had given my brother permission to go on a boy scouting trip with the church. Guilt had overwhelmed him. He would go to work come home start drinking until he passed out.

My sister had moved out right after her graduation from high school. It was then I really realized I was all alone. At age 12 I thought, maybe if alcohol was helping my father cope with my brother’s death, maybe it would help me cope with the pain and no one really cared about me anyway. I could easily get alcohol and no one would notice, my would just think he drank it all.

This led to my journey to drugs, drugs, and alcohol numbing all the pain, and I thought was just what I needed.

Maybe I wasn’t grown up, but I was on my own.