When someone says or does something that upsets us, our impulse can be to react right away, to let them know how we feel. When emotions are running high, these reactions are not helpful, and our mouths say things that get us into trouble. Reacting may feel good in the moment. If we take time to let our emotions settle down and respond from a calmer perspective and can lead to a better outcome.
Reactions are typically quick and emotional, driven by our immediate feelings, and less thoughtful words. It’s often automatic, immediate, and emotional that can be influenced by our past experiences and even our subconscious.
In contrast, a response is thoughtful, deliberate, and rooted in emotional intelligence. It involves stepping back analyzing the situation and then considering what we’re feeling and why we are feeling it. Responding involves considering the consequences of possible outcomes, and choosing a course of action that aligns with our goals.
There are a few things to consider that involve responding rather than reacting.
- Pause and breathe -Deep breaths can slow the physical sensations of stress, and give your mind a moment to catch up before we speak.
- Reflect before you speak -Take a moment to consider what you want to accomplish. This will help you align your actions with your objectives.
- Practice active listening -Fully understanding the other person’s perspective can be essential in responding effectively.
- Identify your triggers -Everyone has triggers, which can be defined as situations, words, or behaviors that can provoke intense emotional reactions. Having an awareness of our triggers can help us feel prepared to handle them more calmly when they happen.
- Use I statements -When we respond or express our thoughts and feelings by starting sentences with “I” instead of “you.” This helps us focus on our personal experiences rather than accusing or blaming the other person so that our exchange can be constructive and less confrontational.
From Pity to Praise 