Have you ever been around a complainer? The car ahead of you is crawling at a snails pace. You have a person in your life that constantly interrupts you.
Americans in general find an alarming number of things to complain about. I’ve heard the rate of complaints among Americans range from 70 to 84 percent. Yet one of us likes hanging out with complainers. Complaints can be like viruses, it’s important to stay away from them, but that’s not necessarily easy.
We are born with brains that have a negative bias. We tend to focus on things that are not right, rather than attending to the things that are right around us.
When that tendency turns into a habit, and the world quickly becomes an unpleasant or dangerous place.
There are a few strategies we can try when we hear ourselves complaining:
- Step back. Looking at the bigger picture. Asking ourselves whether it will matter in five minutes, five months, or five years.
- Look within. Taking our complaint seriously. Ask “what is the real issue” does the small thing irritating you represent a theme or larger issue in our lives that needs to be addressed.
Take five minutes to write down your complaint and you may find out what’s pushing your buttons.
3. Make a game out of your complaints. Wear a bracelet or rubber band on your wrist. Every time you hear yourself complaining switch it to the other wrist. The goal is to go 30 days with the bracelet or rubber band on the same wrist.
4. Choose the right outlet. Consider the best way to privately share your issues: in person, in an email, during a phone call. Never complain on social media.
5. Air valid concerns. Your complaint may addresses a genuine need that can lead to a solution. The key is to share your complaint in a kind way that is seen as helpful and not critical.
6. Find the positives. When you have a complaint, start and end with a positive. Because when we complain all the time people shut us down and completely miss your message.
Someone might say, “I love when you go to the store. Next time when you go get groceries, please let me know before you leave and I’ll send you my list. Instead of complaining about the things that were bought because you didn’t like the stuff. It’s more helpful when you work together. It’s important to avoid the word but, because it wipes away the positives.
7. Practice gratitude. Remind yourself every day about one thing you were grateful for, no matter how small. If negativity has become a habit it’s important to write positives down so you can have something to go to when you need a positive response.
Changing your perspective takes time. It takes practice to learn a tolerance to other’s annoying habits. We all have them.
With some effort we can all learn to pay attention to what we’re always complaining about. We can choose to be uplifting instead of dragging people and ourselves down with complaints.
You might discover that less complaining that it adds happiness not just for a a day, but your entire life.
From Pity to Praise 