“I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked at him and were radiant. They faces shall never be covered in shame” -Psalm 34:4-5
I grew up with ugly monsters in my closet named fear and shame. They were fed for many years, they hurled messages of insecurity, leaving me thinking I was unworthy, and unlovable. I feared judgement, rejection, and being made fun of, not being accepted by anyone, but hurt by stinging words. I as told I would never be good enough, if were told that long enough we tend to stay believing this lie. I never felt good enough, I felt unheard, unknown. I felt the burden of shame that weighed heavy on me at a young age. I had a hard time looking anyone in the eyes when they spoke to me.
For years I tried to cover the pain with drugs, and alcohol. I learned to go through the motions of life , but never felt alive. I was an empty shell.
Over the years I’ve learned a few things about fear and shame. One thing is that every mental illness, and addiction comes from two things – fear and shame. I’m not going to tell you I don’t still struggle with these things sometimes I think they are so ingrained in me I will never escape.
But there is something called the replacement theory that works. We can’t just get rid of the fear and shame and not replace it with something else -something good, something God.
There is a parable in the Bible on Matthew that explains this perfectly:
In essence, it describes a situation where a person, after being freed from a demon, is left vulnerable because the void left behind is not filled with positive spiritual influences. The returning demon, finding the house -the person swept and empty, then brings back seven more demons, making the person’s condition far worse than before.
I wish I could say I have lived fearless for the rest of my days. I still struggle with disappointing people and the fear of not belonging or being rejected or judged. I still live in bondage at times, my old demons of fear and shame like to revisit me from time to time.
But, I am grateful for the healing and victory God applies to my life over and years and continues to do. Life is a journey of the “now and not yet” in any life striving to follow God. Though I will battle the monsters of fear and shame the rest of my life, even though they feel less threatening I know Jesus will teach me along the way and is always with me. He gives me new thoughts, inclinations, and windows into my heart and His.
When we bring our fears and Shane to Jesus, name them and lay them at His feet as we would pieces of paper He will tell me I am delivered from them. We should be like a child, running to Him, jumping on His lap, and hearing Him say, “Child, turn your face toward me and be radiant because that’s how I see you, I Am here and I Am able.
Jesus is our deliverer and the One who makes our faces radiant.
From Pity to Praise 