Every thing we struggle with in life has a hidden root cause. We live in a hyper connected world. We live in a world where mental heath issues are on the rise. Anxiety, depression, personality disorders, and various other psychological ailments plague people across all age groups. I for one have noticed an up rise since the pandemic.
While there are multiple factors that contribute to mental illness, the underlying cause often goes unnoticed, shame is a deeply ingrained emotional response. I have a friend that works in the clinical psychology field and we were talking about the uprise the last few years. He said fear and shame shapes our self-perception and interactions with society. It has a profound impact but remains largely unaddressed.
Modern society imposes unrealistic expectations on people. Social media sets impossible standards of beauty, success, and happiness. Workplace environments can demand perfection, leaving little room for human error, so much so that they are creating AI robots to take our place. Family and cultural conditioning can enforce rigid beliefs about what is acceptable and what is not.
Every perceived failure whether missing a deadline or struggling in a relationship can fuel our inner critic that whispers “you are not good enough.” Chronic self-doubt leads to anxiety, and over time, depression. When everything people do is met with shame, self-worth diminishes, and an internal belief arises that we are inherently incapable. As time goes on this unresolved shame can manifest as avoidance, low self-esteem, withdrawal, and even gender confusion. We see it happening all around us.
Keep in mind that shame is different than guilt. While guilt arises from recognizing a wrongful act, shame makes a person feel that they themselves are fundamentally flawed. Shame is deeply rooted in the fear of rejection, and failure or being seen as unworthy.
My friend explained it this way to me. Neurologically, shame activates the same brain region that’s associated with physical pain. The body responds with stress hormones, which leads to anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms like chronic fatigue, digestive issues, and immune dysfunction. If unresolved shame becomes a breeding ground for more severe psychological disorders, like obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorders, and addiction.
When he talked about this it was like my whole life was re-playing in the background. Everything fell into place, my childhood, my fear of rejection, my alcohol and drug use, all my struggles were because of the shame and fear I experienced. It all finally began to make sense.
I have written time and times again that until we find the root cause of the problems we face, we are not going to be able to fix anything. But I had no idea that the root cause to many things come down to fear and shame.
I don’t get a chance to see or visit with my friend very often, because of his crazy busy life, but every time I do it’s a wide-eyed opening experience.
From Pity to Praise 