For many years all I wanted was a life relationship with God. While my expression to God was true, I struggled with feeling like I didn’t measure up. My own effort to reach my perceived Godly standard I felt bad when I fell short of that standard. It’s a roller coaster way of living that gives nothing to God because it is focused on me and my efforts and it actually separates me from God. Yet, through it all God patiently waited for me to live His truth that I am loved, saved, redeemed, and through Jesus, can live in a personal love relationship with Him.
What I’ve discovered in years past is that my genuine desire to love God above all else, to live in all that Jesys has done for me and to be led by the Holy Spirit had no substance without the willingness to actually do it.
For years I prayed to God giving Him the desires of my heart, hoping that He would do something miraculous in me, to change my life and ease my struggles with myself. I was expecting that God would do something that isn’t His to do, to bypass what I could only I could do -to willingly step out in faith and believe Him alone.
My desire for Him was there, but I wasn’t willing to live and believe Him above my fears, and insecurities. My heartfelt expression to Him wasn’t founded on my absolute trust and belief in Him alone.
1 John 3:18 says, “My little children, let’s not love in word only, or with the tongue only, but in deed and truth.”
John emphasizes here the difference between desire and willingness, our desire to love is expressed in what we say, but it’s our willingness to love that gives it substance. Willingness is expressed through actions and in truth. Truth is the reality of how we live. So, while it’s important to express love, its fulfillment is found through the acts of love. Every day I tell my husband I love him, which is a true expression of my love for him, but if I’m not living in that life for him day to day by choosing to live for him above myself, the expression has no substance and does nothing for our relationship. This is what John means by the word truth, there is only truth in what we say, when what we say is made true in our lives and our relationships by the way we choose to live.
When God speaks to us our responses can be limited by the way we see ourselves and our circumstances. But that is a faithless response which effectively says to God, I believe what you say for the most part, but some of it isn’t true if me or my situation. In other words, it’s refusing to believe God. I’ve always had a strong desire to be everything I could be for God, for Him to be reflected in the way I live. But I wasn’t willing to abandon everything, to turn my back on what I’ve seen as truth about myself, and face Gid and fully embrace Him truth about me.
In Judges 6:13 God called Gideon to save Israel, God referred to him as “a mighty man of valour” This was not at all how Gideon viewed himself and he quickly let God know they He must be speaking to the wrong person because he was from the weakest clan and way “the least of his father’s house” (Judges 6:15). Gideon had a simple choice, was he going to believe what God said to him or refuse Him? But to say to God meant saying “no’ to all he felt about himself, abandoning his limited perspective, and believing by faith all that God had said. Because Gideon faithfully did that despite how he saw himself, he fulfilled God’s call for his life.
I have always believed that something was missing, or I needed more from God before I could freely live for Him. Even though this is how I genuinely felt, it is also convenient for me because it always gave me an excuse -something beyond my control for not living in my own heart’s desires. Believing this is faithless and leaves a gap between us and God. The reality is that if we’ve accepted Jesus has already given us everything we need -we are saved, forgiven, and redeemed through His life, death, and resurrection. He also freely gives the Holy Spirit to all who ask and believe, so we each have within us God’s Spirit which enables and equips us. If we want, we can go around in circles searching for something that is already there, when the only thing we are lacking, is a willingness to take our eyes off ourselves and believe in everything that God has said by faith. There is nothing more we need, there is only more to discover as we spend our lives growing in spiritual maturity with Jesus.
God could very easily remove all of our insecurities, fears, doubts, and misgivings as He could have for Gideon but then faith and belief would also be removed. With faith and belief gone so is the ability to love. Instead, God lovingly leaves us with imperfection and free will so we can always have the opportunity to choose God instead of ourselves.
His vast eternal perspective over our own limited one. He doesn’t expect us to “get over” our problems or get better at being giving, less selfish people, He simply longs for us to take our focus off ourselves and look for Him. This change of focus doesn’t make things easier or our flesh disappear, it simply puts them in their place and reduces them to irrelevant shadows in God’s revealing light.
The life that God offers us with Him is far beyond anything we could imagine when we become attuned to Him, responsive to His words, and obedient to all He says. A love relationship with God isn’t difficult, it’s freeing and life-giving. I’m not saying it will never feel like hard work but, when it does, it’s because we have to put something of ourselves in the way of God’s love. We all need to identify what we’ve put in the way, and then be willing to remove it for the sake of our relationship with Him.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” -Matthew 6:33
By prioritizing God’s will, He will provide what we need. And He will direct our efforts for success.
From Pity to Praise 