There are moments in life that shape us, and often they come when we least expect them. Looking back there are a lot of things I wish I had known during the hardest seasons of my life.
I haven’t always been close to God, in fact, during some of my darkest days, He felt very far away. I was angry at Him. I buried my wounds deep inside, and for a long time, I tried to keep God beneath all those layers of pain. Then one day I broke, I felt as if I couldn’t go on any longer. I felt like I was going to explode. The weight of it all hit me like a wave, adding to the pile of hurt, anxiety, anger, and hopelessness I already carried. But despite all those feelings, there was a tiny nudge inside me. A voice whispering. A whisper that told my heart that maybe I needed God to get through this. After all, I had tried everything else. That day something broke inside me and it all came pouring out -all the pain I had kept hiding inside, all the cooped-up bitterness. That day something broke. He didn’t care that my soul was in shreds, torn from all the pain I had endured, He accepted it, no matter the condition.
As I reflect on those hard seasons, there were a few things I wish I had known -things that could have lightened my load, things that could have carried me through the storms.
The heaviest chain I wore was the one I created myself -thinking I could do everything myself. I thought I could handle everything alone. I believed that it was all up to me, providing, protecting, and even fixing. It was exhausting. I wish I had realized that God was our provider. He gives us peace, strength, joy, and comfort in ways no one else can. I wish I had trusted Him to take the burdens I was carrying. This doesn’t mean we won’t have any problems, pains, or even valleys to walk through. But had I trusted Him, my journey would have been lighter, and less overwhelming.
Paul wrote in Romans 15:13,
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
I spent years thinking I had to be my own warrior. I thought I had to fight every battle in my own. But the truth is, I didn’t because God is our warrior. He fights for us. He stands in front of us, guarding us against battles we don’t even see.
The world lines to tell us we are too broken, that we can’t be fixed. But the truth is, there is nothing we’ve ever done, no mistake we’ve ever made, that God can’t redeem. He can heal our wounds we think are beyond repair.
“All are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” -Romans 3:24
For so long I tried to hold it all in. I built walls around my pain and tried to convince myself I was fine. I built a dam to hold back the tears. But the walls and dam didn’t make me stronger, they just made me numb. All I did was harden my heart and silence my healing. And it’s a beautiful release when we break and let the tears fall at our feet. When we let God handle our pain, and our grief.
“He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds” -Psalm 147:3
When I was going through my darkest days, I felt like I was completely alone. But God was always there with me, even when I couldn’t see Him or feel Him. He upheld me with His righteous right hand.
“So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” -Isaiah 41:10
It’s easy to forget that God is good when life is hard. I see how God worked in all my pain, shaping me, teaching me, and growing me. Even when I couldn’t understand His plan.
No matter what I went through, no matter how many mistakes I made I was and am deeply loved by God. We all are. He may not live the things we sometimes do, but His love for us is unshakable, and nothing can take that away.
“But God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” -Romans 5:8
When life feels impossible it’s easy to forget how big God is. He’s the same God who moves mountains, to silence lions, who overcomes the world. Nothing is too big for Him.
“For with God nothing will be impossible” -Luke 1:37
God hears our every cry, every prayer, and every tear. Nothing escapes His notice.
“And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us” -1 John 5:14
God’s love for us is unchanging. He is with us, He hears us, and He will never leave our side. So I encourage you to trust Him. Let Him carry your burdens, and redeem your story. Cry out to Him, because He is waiting to heal you. Take a step towards Him and embrace His love. Amazing things happen when we surrender our control to Him.
From Pity to Praise 