If you go to your favorite restaurant you will be faced with many choices. Do you order the chicken, seafood, or the beef? How to you want to prepared? If you choose beef you get to choose medium or well. Then you get to choose your sides. Choices and more choices. The good news is it’s up to you and your taste buds. The choice is yours.
Some choices are easier than others. I love chicken, it is my favorite. That’s an easy choice. It is also an easy choice for my husband, no chicken at all. No chicken is a easy choice for her.
Another choice that is ours, is whether to go to heaven or hell, it’s not God’s decision it’s ours. And it should be an easy decision for us.
Heaven or Hell?
Jesus said in John 14 that He was going to prepare a place for us and that He will receive us. That places heaven. The one He receives is those who are born again those who have believed and confessed that Jesus is Lord (Romans 10:9-10).
Those who do not confess Jesus as Lord will go to hell when they draw their last breath. Remember it’s not God’s will for any to perish or go to hell (1 Timothy 2:4). It’s not God’s plan for anyone to end up in hell.
It’s our choice. If we choose Jesus, we become a part of His family (we will be graphed in) and get to go to heaven and live with Him in eternity. However, if a person rejects Jesus they get to go to hell and live with their father satan for eternity (John 8:44).
God does not predestine anyone to hell. That is not His plan, will, or decision. He gives us the choice and we do the choosing. If Be predestined anyone to hell, He would be an unjust, unloving father, which is the opposite of His nature and character.
God in His love had predestined everyone to live eternally with Him in heaven (Ephesians 1:5). That means it’s His will for all to be saved and live eternally with Him in heaven. It is our choice. We choose to accept Him or reject Him. I am ultimately responsible for my choice.
God the Father does not send anyone to hell!
Not only am I responsible for my choice of heaven and hell. I am also responsible for sharing the good news with everyone around me. (Matthew 28:19-20).
Jesus has come and paid the price for us to give us an opportunity to go to heaven and not hell. It’s my responsibility to show people that God has made my life abundantly better than it was before.
Many times when we think about telling people about God it comes like this. “I have to share the good news and that comes with pressure and dread. But it doesn’t have to feel like that.
I changed my perspective on this. I don’t have to, I have the opportunity to share God with those around me. When I changed this I began to see it as an opportunity.
This attitude shift makes all the difference. The difference in me sharing the gospel and how I tell people about Him. The attitude is an important as the content.
There is a heaven to be gained and a hell to be avoided. If it’s God’s plan will and desire that all people go to heaven and live with Him in eternity. We have a great opportunity to share the good news.
We can offer to change someone’s life for eternity. And give them the choice between heaven and hell.
“But seem first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you“ – Matthew 6:33
It’s easy to coast through life feeling like we are on our own. We forget about God in certain situations when we are busy and have a lot going on. To have a relationship with Him, it is important to be more intentional about our current relationship and notice Him in every moment of every day.
When we look for God in every situation we begin to see the big and the small. If you’re walking down the street, look for the beautiful things He has made. When you are with friends and family thank Him for putting those people in your life. Notice Hin in the small moments of life when you would not really think much of it. Try to notice His presence and what He has done for you.
Think of ways to implement God into your life a little more. Maybe listening to worship music in the car on your drive. Pray for protection while driving from here to there. Read the Bible at the start of your day or wind down for the evening. Find a small way that you can implement God into your life a little more.
“And whatever you do, in word. or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him”- Colossians 3:17
When life is good and things are going well when we ace the testor land that job, we need to rejoice in the Lord and thank Him for the blessings in our lives, whether they are big or small. When the opposite happens and times are tough, pray to Him and ask Him for help and healing. Lean on Him to help you get through it and He will guide your path. Don’t just pray to Him when you need a favor, thank Him when He is blessing you will goodness.
“Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths” – Proverbs 3:5-6
Whatever you’re going through notice what He is doing and how He is doing it. He gives you opportunities and takes them away for a reason, either to strengthen you or to help you. Notice what He is doing and thank Him for it. This way you will be able to see God in every moment of every day.
Before having the internal we had the chance to relax, reflect, enjoy the outdoors and catch up with family and friends in person. Families became closer because there were no distractions at dinner tables. People could socially one in one.
You could leave your house and be unreachable. You could leave your house and focus on the activity you set out to do. No one could reach you and disturb you.
There were children playing outside with each other for hours. And you actually had to memorize people’s phone numbers. And we were not connected to others’ toxic opinions.
We were more creative because we have hours of work on it. Not relying on a cell some to entertain us.
I think I am good at, being humble, and respecting others. I am good at reading and outlining important points in what I read. I’m am good a writing, probably because I like to share with others about the things I’ve learned.
I am good at cooking and baking. I just wish there was someone else to wash the dishes afterward.
Our mind is a very powerful thing, and most of us take it for granted. We believe we are not in control of what we think because our thoughts seem to fly in and out all day long. But we are in control of our thoughts, and we become what we think about.
Someone once said to me, “If you don’t like what you’re thinking about change it.” That statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I never really thought I could change my thought patterns.
It’s really not a secret, that power is available to every single person. And it’s free. The secret is that we become what we think. It’s possible to create the life you want by simply thinking the right thoughts. What do you think about all day long, every day? What’s on your mind day after day?
We are creatures of habit. We tend to follow the picture in our minds created by our parents, our neighborhoods, our towns and the part of the world from which we come. For the good or the bad.
When my mother told me who and what I was day after day growing up. I began to think that it was true. My thoughts become negative about myself. So I started to not care about me, because I thought no one else it. Every day every hour of thinking bad thoughts I began to become what my mother told me I was.
But we don’t have to think bad or depressing thoughts. We each have a mind of our own, capable of imagining life the way we want it. We can say yes or no to the choices we encounter every single day.
Start by replacing every negative thought with a positive thought. I used the Bible standing on the promises of God and who He said that I am,
God says that,
I am valuable
I am fearfully and beautifully made
I am redeemed
I am forgiven
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
If we imagine our life the way we want it. Create a picture in your mind and think about that picture every day and believe it. You don’t have to tell a soul. Have your own quiet confidence that you can make the picture in your mind come true.
You will start making different choices in line with that picture in your mind. But know there will be obstacles. Don’t let those obstacles stop you. Keep moving toward that picture you have of yourself.
Replace every negative thought with a positive thought and it will become your truth.
What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
Having it all to me is having life, love and peace. I know if I follow Jesus happiness is inevitable.
Well-ordered love helps me to be at peace with myself and also to bring love to others.
Life- a good life with basic things including financial stability, a husband.
Love- A companionship for this journey through life with brings mental stability.
Peace- Being at peace knowing a I’m woken up every morning by the grace of God. Knowing that He is right here with me and everything will be taken care of if I love Him and Obey Him.
The thing that separates human beings from animals is our capacity for complex, abstract thought. Or ability to envision the future and hopefully, make it better than it was before. But our imperfect minds have also generated some terrible mistakes and dangerous ideologies.
If we do not know how to distinguish bad thinking from good, we can end up believing what we shouldn’t, and behaving in ways that are harmful to ourselves and others. Thinking well requires adopting the right attitudes and being prepared to nurture effective habits. Without intellectual virtues, even the cleverest end up playing theoretical games.
There are a few simple rules that have changed my thinking and after I began doing them also changed my life,
Think for yourself. So often we take for granted whatever people say is the way it is. Always research it for yourself. Especially today so many things are taken out of context.
Be kind. My number one rule is to question how I would want to be treated in that situation.
Eliminate negative thinking. As humans, we have a natural pull go think of the negative before the positive. Allow yourself to change your thoughts. If you thinking of something negative change it to a positive thought. There are sometimes I have to tell myself “Stop!”
Forgive others. When you choose to hold bitterness in your heart you only harm yourself and not the other person. This is not to say that you forget. It’s important to stay cautious when dealing with that person.
Cultivate gratitude. Remind yourself that you are enough. A positive mindset leads to greater happiness.
Give sincere appreciation. If you think someone has done something well never hesitate to let them know it.
Be honest. Honestly is essential to build trust and maintain healthy relationships with others.
Be yourself. Being yourself means living life how you want to live it, regardless of other people’s opinions.
Pay attention to the moment. Stop thinking about what happened in the past, or worrying about what might happen in the future. Live for today.
Avoid distractions, Focus on your goals. Turn off your phone, and block out a section of time to focus on your most important goal for the day.
We understand the necessity of forgiving others and ourselves, but what if we don’t? Will it hinder our healing? Does it cause disease?
As a follower of God, we know we have to forgive. The Bible talks about forgiveness many times. But is there a connection between forgiveness and healing?
I can tell you from experience when we live with unforgiveness it tends to grow. unforgiveness leads to bitterness, resentment, retaliation, anger, violence, and murder, not actual murder but we murder with our hearts and tongues.
The relationship between forgiveness and healing
From my reading, these are some things I’ve learned and have helped me understand not only my unforgiveness but the healing that came along with it.
From a nervous system perspective, a lack of forgiveness and all the emotions that come with it can cause us to live in a sympathetic state where there is no healing. It is the fight side or fight vs flight.
From a physiological state of disease, the cortisol and adrenaline drip into our bodies and amplify any symptoms we may live with. Its our body that physiologically prepares for battle.
There’s something called the “polyvagal theory that says that once we are in this place, these thoughts will follow:
“How dare they do this to me… they deserve to suffer…they are evil…I hate them for what they have done to me…”
Most counselors teach that anger follows thoughts. However, according to the Polyvagal theory, it’s the sensation in the body that comes first. Then the thoughts come as a reflection of the emotional state.
All this does is amplify the fight state and make things worse. It’s the turmoil of the heart with no forgiveness that keeps us in a survival state where there is no healing because it goes against God’s design.
Most people when they experience unforgiveness, just want to run away or put up walls because they shut down and get depressed (which is what I did) When this happens, we’ve enter into what is called the “Dorsal” state of the nervous system.
The anger is still there, but we can’t feel it, because we’ve numbed ourselves to it.
When we numb ourselves or put up walls it’s like we are nursing our wounds, rather than exploring why and how we’ve reacted to the offense, we think we are rescuing ourselves by getting angry at the offender and we become the persecutor. But this only masks the real pain.
Does unforgiveness cause sickness?
There’s a quote that helps us understand this,
“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
You’ve probably heard someone say, “God won’t heal or forgive if we carry unforgiveness in our hearts. I would say that it’s more accurate to say that a lack of forgiveness impacts us at a cellular level making healing difficult.
Basically, we are plugged into ourselves into the energy of the person who hurt us.
Caroline Leaf said,
“We have an experience that is taken in as a form of energy, it changes the brain and the body and changes how we function. So the experience is toxic, it creates a disturbance in us. Forgiveness helps us sever the toxic hold someone who hurt us had over us. It helps us disconnect from the source of our pain and find true healing.”
Our unforgiveness causes us to live in a fight-or-flight response. Our bodies respond to unforgiveness the same way we would respond to trauma.
Karen Lee Swartz is a professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science and she puts it this way,
“Chronic anger puts you into fight or flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease, and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.”
We can’t afford to hold onto grudges.
Yes, it’s true that there are plenty of people with unforgiveness who never get sick and plenty of forgiving people who are chronically ill. I’m not saying I have all the answers because I don’t. I can only speak to the experiences I have had. And what I have learned from it,
Here are a few things I’ve learned,
It’s important feel the pain and discomfort. You have to feel in order to heal. I don’t believe in the just let it go mentality because psychologically it doesn’t work.
Sitting with the pain and discomfort allows the emotion that is in the body to move.
If we constantly tell ourselves to just ignore the pain and continue to shove it inside deeper and deeper it only makes things worse. We can’t let go of anything without first really experiencing the discomfort because then the emotional wound will still there lying dormant.
In most households, we learn that anger is wrong and the children get punished for being angry. Angry is a survival state and a God-given emotion. “Be angry and do not sin.” It is okay to be angry but don’t act on it. Every time we are angry, we should check ourselves to see if we are upset at the things God hates. Otherwise, we may be angry without a cause and give opportunity to the devil.
When we hold our anger in we learn to bury the emotion. For many years I held in my anger and rose above it. But the emotional hurt was still there and every time it would surface I would shove in down into my soul again. Now I realize that letting the emotion out is what releases it.
It’s important to realize that a part of us is hurt and it’s good to honor and validate that part. If we can we should have a difficult conversation with the person that hurt us if it is safe to do so. I wish I would have had that difficult conversation with my mother. But it’s too late. I will never know why she did the things she did.
When we recognize that we are in a survival state we need regulation. The prefrontal cortex switches off so we can no longer think rationally.
If there is a lot of energy in your system it’s important to transfer that energy. Have you ever noticed that after a good cry, you feel better? We can transfer that energy by punching a punching bag, a pillow, or anything to get that negative energy out. Then follow that by going for a walk in nature, cuddling with your animal, or doing mind-body exercises.
Forgiveness is only something we can do when we are in the ventral part of the nervous system. It’s the part associated with social valuation and perspective-taking and controls our cognitive areas. The involvement of supposed brain regions may play a vital role in facilitating the transformation from decisional forgiveness to emotional forgiveness.
Forgiveness is always easier when you do it in God’s strength. Feeling the emotion on our body is important to process, but ruminating is a “head thing” which will keep us in survival mode.
When we have unforgiveness, we make the situation worse by telling ourselves stories that either keep us a victim or make us into blamers.
We need to ask our what thoughts we have about ourselves and the situation. If we are not quite sure there’s a practice called free style writing. It’s where you start writing and allow your subconscious to do the writing. Write all you feelings and thoughts down. Don’t try and stop them, just let them flow out of you. After writing you can tear it up and throw it away, or even burn it. the point is to get all your thoughts out of your head.
If you are playing the victim you are in a place of defeat. We tell ourselves that we have the right to feel this way. And we tend to blame the other person. In all actuality, it’s the other person that hurt us, but it’s our response to that hurt that gets us in the end. Our response reinforces the unforgiveness. It tells is that the other person is actually worse than they actually are.
My mother had a reason in her mind for treating me the way she did. Maybe it was brought on by something she experienced in her life. Maybe it’s the way she responded to her own experiences in life. I’m sure there was a reason I just don’t know what that reason was.
Often the story we tell ourselves isn’t the truth. There’s something called the “anger iceberg. There may be a whole heap of emotions going on underneath the anger we feel.
The Anger Iceberg
It’s easier for us to be in a state of unforgiveness than to face our deep-down fears and emotions.
We need to know exactly what’s going on in our brains if we are to ever be free. We need to set outside of our own perspective and see the bigger picture.
Why did they do what they did?
What kind of childhood did they have?
Does that person have a different set of values, culture or belief system?
What role did you play? Did you fail to set a boundary? We’re your expectations go high?
It’s not about being insensitive or excusing any wrongs. Sometimes there are unresolved traumas in the past that contribute to our present-day hurts.
Think of it this way: py may have pulled the trigger, but who is it that loaded the gun? In other words our triggers are messengers be they inform us what parts of us need to heal.
Asking ourselves these questions gives us a bigger picture of the events that happened. It’s easy to filter out contributing factors when we’re upset and in a sympathetic fight-or-flight state.
In order to replace a bad thought it needs to be replaced with a good thought. The key to forgiving others is to stop focusing on what they did to you and start focusing on what God did for you.
We can become defiled your own inner thoughts of accusation.
When you notice an unhelpful thought pop up ask yourself:
Does this thought it belief serve me?
What is a thought or belief that would better serve me?
Guard Your Mouth
It’s tempting to go around telling others of the wrong that was done. I’ve actually done this for years. But what does this really achieve? We might want someone to agree with us to justify us feeling the way we feel. Or we enjoy the comfort someone else will give us.
When someone else feels the same way about your enemy, it gives us a sense of connection with them.
It can be healthy to discuss feelings with a therapist or spouse, but slatting people and gossiping about them is unhelpful.
I once read a message about the spirit that put Jesus on the cross. The crowds who wanted to crucify Jesus had never met Him. They judged Him based on hearsay.
I was thinking when we insist on telling people the wrongs of others against us, we are hoping that they will be like the crowd that crucified Jesus
If we choose to teach others about our experiences and mistakes. We are helping people rather than trying to crucify the other person.
The Bible tells is that we hold the power of life and death in our hands with our words.
Matthew 5:44-45 Jesus tells us,
“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. For He makes His son to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust.”
This may be an act of obedience, to begin with, but over time your heart and mouth will align.
Bear Fruit
We see to set the intention to not allow the past to dictate our thoughts and feelings.
When we hold onto the past, rather than embracing forgiveness, our present and future will be impacted, even to the point of our healing. We need to experience peace on the inside before we can hope to have peace on the outside.
It took me nearly 30 years to forgive my mother. And I nearly destroyed my life and the others around me in the process. Our behavior must change go bring forth the fruit from our repentance. We need to come to a place of peace regarding what was done to us.
When we repent and genuinely pray for those who hurt us, God changes our hearts so we feel love and compassion for them.
I will never know why the things in my life happened. But I can be at peace knowing God is a just judge and He looks at the hearts of people and not their flesh.
Usually, we see each other in the flesh. I believe that God wants us to learn to see people in terms of who they are in Christ
My Steps To Forgiveness
When we refuse forgiveness, we argue with reality, which causes internal stress in our bodies that can cause health issues. Finding a way to peace is essential for emotional and physical healing.
If we’re are not forgiving, it will shape how we see the present and the future, just like trauma. Isn’t life difficult enough without this added stress?
Bitter thoughts precede imprisonment to something that destroys us. To have a healthy life we have to keep the ball out of the hand of the enemy.
When I think of all my wrongdoings, both those I’m aware of and those I am unaware of, Jesus forgave me. How can I not extend the same grace to others?
It’s important to remember to give ourselves grace and forgive ourselves. But it takes practice,
Despite everything I’ve just said, when Jesus healed people there were no doubt some unforgiveness. He healed many, surely some of these people held offenses, grudgesm or anger. To me this shows that we can never disqualify ourselves of others from receiving forgiveness.
I surely did not deserve to be healed of cancer. I’ve done some terrible things in my life. But God chose to heal me and forgave me when I asked.
Healing from the effects of so many years of harboring unforgiveness has taken me years of hard work and tears. It’s not an easy process but it is well worth it. I couldn’t have done it without God’s forgiveness and love. God gave me a helper Holy Spirit which empowered me to forgive others and replace my negative thoughts and feelings with love and compassion.
Who would I like to talk to soon? I talk to all the people I like to talk to now. I would like to talk to people who have passed on, but that’s not an option.
“If you diligently obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all of His commandments which I command you today, and all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God that the Lord your God will set up high above all nations of the earth” – Deuteronomy 28:1-2.
We can not rely on God’s promises without obeying His commands. Obedience is the attitude of submission to instruction and authority. Most of God’s promises of blessings are contingent on following His instructions and keeping them. He is serious when it comes to obeying what He says in His Word. He says what He means, and means what He says. It is possible for us to attain God’s blessings if we live in obedience. Blessings will come upon us and over well us, run ahead of us and exceed our expectations, Deuteronomy 28:3-14 identifies God’s promises to bless His people in all places, home city, field.
Obedience is the one key that unlocks God’s treasure trove of blessings in our lives. Obeying reaps rewards, while disobedience brings consequences. The act of obedience is of the heart God requires wholehearted obedience from us. Being half-hearted just won’t cut it. We cannot carry out God’s instructions if done according to how we feel, what we deem convenient, or on our own terms. We most definitely should observe God’s statutes, commands, and judgments carefully with all our hearts and with all our souls (Deuteronomy 26:16). Obedience is a choice and we must enjoy doing it.
Wherever we do or become in life is based on the choices we make. God allows everyone the freedom to choose. He is always is with us to guide, protect, and support us, however, He does not force anyone to do what they don’t want to do (Deuteronomy 30:19-21).
The choice is between life and blessings or death and cursing eternal life or eternal death, salvation, or condemnation.
Obedience is an attitude and our attitude determines our lifestyle. Our attitude builds character. Jesus cultivated an attitude of obedience, and He demands a lifestyle of obedience from all of us (John 13:17).
Most of the hindrances to obeying Him are self-manufactured. Self-hindrances may include, rebellion, excuses, relationships, fear, and pressures. Obedience is learned.
The Bible teaches us that Jesus learned His obedience be the things He suffered (Hebrews 5:8).
What I hold most dear is my written Bible and old photographs. Along with the memories of times with my family. I cherish every moment with friends and family because they are really the big things in this tapestry of life.
When it comes to productivity one thing at a time refers to the practice of identifying and focusing on the most essential task or objective at a time. It emphasizes prioritization and dedicating uninterrupted time and energy to the most critical, activity,
I believe this is the simple truth behind extraordinary results and aims to enhance remarkable outcomes.
My Pastor held a group teaching on doing this a few years ago. It helped my tremendously. But as distractions took over my in my life I stopped doing it. I need to begin again otherwise my days just seem to run together and the things I need to accomplish never get completely done.
The concept is to pick one goal a week and then give yourself that week to complete that goal, That one thing should revolve around the principle that by identifying and addressing the most impactful task. you can streamline your efforts, minimize distractions, and make significant progress toward your goals. This method advocates for the singularity of focus to maximize productivity and generate optimal results within each week.
I have included the worksheet I will be using if any one wants to try this one thing at a time practice.
From Pity to Praise 