Beauty in your life- change your thoughts for a positive outlook
You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?
Every year my husband and I always go somewhere to celebrate our anniversary. This year makes 36 years of marriage.
I’m excited this year because both my children will be joining us. A road trip through Arizona and Nevada means warmer weather, good company, and many memories.
I was raised in fear. My mother used fear as a parenting strategy. She manipulated me by fear, fear of getting hit, and fear of her screaming about how terrible she thought I was. Along with that, there was neglect, like not feeding me, or not allowing me to speak and I better not cry around her or it would just get worse.
Fear-based parenting varies from situation to situation. Some of the examples I have lived are being hit, and being verbally abused, not being fed, and the fear that everyone would hate me if I didn’t do as she told me. To her, I was a horrible person, so horrible that God even hated me.
I was in fear all the time, which created anxiety and sadness so much so that I didn’t enjoy too many things growing up. Because I believed I was a horrible person, I had very low self-esteem and trust issues. I felt like I wasn’t loved and felt alone. Isolated myself from people because of it still today. Some days I have to force myself to get ready for the day and do something productive, otherwise I would stay in my house and become a recluse.
For many years I made bad decisions. I’ve made some mistakes and have had to deal with the consequences of those actions. In my younger adult years, it was because I felt that if no one loved me or cared, why should I care? I didn’t think of the consequences of my actions. And it led me to pretty dark places.
My father worked tirelessly to take care of his family. He wasn’t around much. It wasn’t until he retired that I got to know my father for who he was -an amazing kind hearted man.
After years in therapy, I am improving. And I know a God that loves me and shows me grace and mercy. All in all my life has turned out pretty dang good. I have an amazing husband who has stuck with me through it all. Because I chose to not raise my children the way my mother raised me. I broke the pattern, and have some pretty amazing kids.
I thank God everyday that He had restored my soul and had forgave my sins, and given me a second chance.
As I’ve looked over my life I’ve concluded that there is nothing more painful than a lost blessing, one that I know is a direct blessing from God that is taken away by God because I didn’t handle the blessing the right way.
Scripture is full of accounts of lost blessings in which we should learn lessons for our own lives.
The most obvious lost blessing happened with Adam and Eve. God gave Adam and Eve paradise, which included a close, personal relationship with Him, and a life of purpose and direction that would have likely been eternal. Adam and Eve could not manage one simple command and lost it all, resulting in a lost relationship with God, hardship in marriage, hardship in work, and hardship in mind, body, and spirit. Oh yeah, nature fell, too, resulting in all the natural disasters we have as well as diseases affecting us like cancer.
So, what is the lesson of this lost blessing for us? Beware of talking snakes? For me, I hear God saying, “You can do this the easy way or the hard way, it’s your choice. Adam and Eve took the hard way by not doing what God had asked them to do. They didn’t trust God that He was doing what was in their best interest. I know for me when I don’t do what God asks me to do it usually results in the hard way as well.
God will give us free will to choose whatever we want, but Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:23 that if we do not choose to do things God’s way we may find ourselves having a much harder time in life than we need to.
Losing a blessing from God is brutal because I know it is my own fault and know that I will never get that blessing back again.
But God is good. He uses all things for the good of those who love Him so I will be blessed again once I prove I am mature enough to handle the next blessing that can glorify God and impact my life.
Who is the most confident person you know?
Confident people tend to exhibit traits like self-assurance, decisiveness, and a positive self-image, believing in their abilities and taking calculated risks without fear of failure. They are also assertive, express their opinions clearly, and don’t seek external validation.
They have psychological traits like believing in their abilities, assertiveness, resilience, and do not worry about things that are outside of their control. They focus on what they can control and don’t let external factors affect their control.
They also don’t feel the need to put others down to feel better and maintain a balanced and respective perspective.
It took me a long time to realize that God does want to give me the desires of my heart, but not until my heart changed to reflect His desires. His promises are certain and I can be happy in a future with Him.
I’ve heard people say that praying is hard. Different churches have different ways of praying – sitting down, standing up, kneeling, and lying. No matter which way we pray, we need to know what God wants us to pray about.
The Apostle Paul had a “thorn in his flesh.” He prayed to God multiple times to remove it. After the 3rd time, God answered him God offered Paul a choice of three options. God could remove the thorn, and Paul could get on with life and ministry, leave the thorn, and Paul would forever have the “thorn” and it would slow his ministry down, or he could leave the thorn, but have God’s grace and strength would remain with Paul. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). Wow, what choices.
Life presents us with many choices, our choices may not be the ones Paul had. Paul’s choice was choosing between what he wanted and what God wanted, it wasn’t an easy decision.
As God’s children, we have to understand that wanting certain things is not a sin, but wanting something outside of God’s timeframe, outside of God’s will, and God’s Word can cause us to become absorbed in pleasing ourselves at the expense of not pleasing God.
Sometimes we can want something bad enough that we become short-sighted and make bad decisions that are determinantal to our health, or the well-being of others, or even cost us our relationship with God.
For example, you may want a new car, instead of being content with your current one which is working fine. While wanting a new car is not wrong, getting a new car payment into an already overspent budget may not be the best decision at the time. Time is everything when it comes to wanting what God wants for us.
Most of the time we don’t wait for God’s blessing or answer to our prayers and take matters into our own hands. (Proverbs 3:5-6). Instead of following and trusting in God, we lean on our own understanding and acknowledge Him in our ways, we move forward without waiting on God.
My pastor explains it this way. “We were never supposed to eat from the tree of good and evil. God wanted us to rely on Him for everything.”
Lack of faith and patience in God will always lead to unpleasant and unwanted results. When we trust in God’s timing He will handle everything, whatever it is He has for us will come to pass. And what we want won’t interfere with or supersede our relationship with Him.
God is a loving Father, He knows us better than we know ourselves and He sees potential danger in our path. He can steer us clear of anything that will hurt us, even if that means not giving us what we want.
Prioritizing our needs is the first step in making wise decisions, and our need for God’s presence in our lives should be at the top of the list. His grace will provide us with so much more than anything that we could ever want.
God answered Paul’s prayer by not removing the “thorn” but by giving Him grace and the strength to endure it.
I have suffered from migraines since I was 12 years old. I’ve been to countless doctors and taken countless medications to help them. But nothing as worked or the side effects were worse than the migraines. I’ve prayed for years for God to take them away to no avail. But He has given me grace and strength to endure the. There are a few supplements that help take the edge off, so I’m thankful for that.
The one thing that we all need and want in our lives is someone who loves us and wants what is best for us. No one will ever care and love us more than God.
Everyone has a conscience. It’s why people sometimes say “Something told me.” We were born with it, and we grow with it. Conscience is that part of our being that is morally aware. It condones or excuses our actions. It can make us judgemental, leading to commendation or condemnation of ourselves and others (Romans 2:14-15).
We are spirit beings. We have a soul, and we live in a body. Conscience is an intangible aspect of a person, including the soul, mind, and emotions. It is an evaluative instinct. In Proverbs 20:27 says “The spirit man is the Lord’s lamp, searching all his innermost parts.”
But our conscience should not be mistaken for the Holy Spirit who lives in those who are saved by Jesus (Luke 3:16). The role of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer is outlined in John 14:16-17.
“I will pray to the Father, and He will give you another counselor, that he may live with you forever. The spirit of truth, whom the world can’t receive, for it doesn’t see him and doesn’t know him. You know him, for he lives with you, and will be in you.”
The Holy Spirit also convicts the world (the unbeliever) concerning sin (John 16:8-11).
There are many scriptures in the Bible that mention the conscience, confirming that even as a believer who has the Holy Spirit, our conscience is still very active. Our conscience does not leave us because we have been saved (born again). It continually informs our decisions daily as we either listen or ignore them. Our conscience is that inner voice that tells us what to do or not to do.
In 1 Timothy 1:5, Paul reminds us that a good conscience plus faith produces genuine love. Our conscience can testify to our conduct.
Distinguishing between genuine or fake believers. Titus 1:15-16 reveals that our conscience can be corrupted. Because of our flesh, our conscience is prone to deception (1 Timothy 4:2).
However, it is not only true believers who strive to have a clean conscience. Unbelievers seek a clean conscience also. This is why those who don’t have faith in God still live morally upright lives and choose to do good instead of evil. This is the reason I believe that people who live “good” lives think they are going to heaven. It causes people to regret or defend their actions. It is an early warning system for every person, including children. Those who usually defend their heinous crimes are often thought of as having no conscience, but in reality, it was the choice they made to ignore their conscience.
Ignoring your conscience as a true believer shipwrecks your faith (1 Timothy 1:19). The Bible talks about a seared conscience in 1 Timothy 4:1-2, God draws attention to deceiving spirits that crave attention and seek to “settle the score,” and teaches hypocritical lies.
Our conscience serves our fleshly desires despite its important role. Our conscience is part of the flesh that wages war with the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:17). Although it helps us be good people, our conscience does not save us, otherwise, Jesus would not have had to die for us (John 3:16).
Genuine believers who are saved or born again have a helper in the Holy Spirit, and best yet, the blood of Jesus cleans and purges our conscience (Hebrews 9:14). As a born-again believer your body has two spirits our spirit body (our conscience) and the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit bears witness to our conscience. The Holy Spirit guides us in all truth (John 16:13).
Paul in Romans 9:2 is convinced that the Holy Spirit would confirm the truth guided by our conscience. But our struggle is largely caused by the factors that influence our conscience, including our senses, emotions, thoughts, circumstances, personal experiences, and the environment we are in. This can cause us to mistake the voice of our conscience for th voice of the Holy Spirit.
I have a friend who is a Christian psychologist. He told me something that explains how this works very well. He had a client that came into his office saying the God told him to kill himself. My friend told him, he didn’t think it was God’s voice he was hearing. Because God is love and God doesn’t want anyone to hurt themselves or others. He spoke to the client and convinced him that it was not God, but his broken conscience that he was hearing. Of course I paraphrased this, and I’m sure it was more professional than that but, you get the point.
A personal relationship with the Holy Spirit is a sure way to know His voice and distinguish it from others. The Holy Spirit’s voice always aligns with God’s will and Word, our conscience only aims to please the flesh.
Wrongly attributing our conscience to the Holy Spirit can present the Spirit of truth as the author of confusion. Two people can claim that “the Holy Spirit told me” that contradicts each other on the same subject.
It’s easy to mistake our conscience with the Holy Spirit. So, make sure you know the Holy Spirit’s voice, and if you are confused check to see if it aligns with the Word of God.
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
The first thing I do is try and recognize the negative feelings I am having and finding out the root cause. Nothing can be fixed or coped with until we know where it’s coming from.
When negative feeling come my way I consider my past experiences and practice self awareness, mindfulness, and reframing techniques Ive learned to cope with such feelings.
Understanding the traumatic events, and unresolved conflicts or negative experiences in past. And then focus on positive and realistic alternatives for a more positive mindset and practicing self compassion.
Paying attention to when I am experiencing negative feelings and what situations ot trigger seem to bring them on.
By questioning if the feeling is accurate or based on overthinking the situation or if it an over generalization. And then gather evidence to support my feeling or refute the negative feeling and see if there is a more balanced perspective.
Then replace the negative feeling with a positive one. And then focus on something positive.
During the 40 days of Lent many people do a fast. Giving up something for lent like chocolate or a bad habit does not get us closer to God.
There is something called “The Daniel Fast” that many pastors do that we can do also. And is used instead of the 3-day fast, for extended period of time. The key is spiritual renewal.
We can fast for personal spiritual renewal, seek to draw closer to God and deepen our relationship with Him.
The Daniel fast is a 21-day inspired dietary plan based on the biblical story of Daniel. And involve-abstaining from animal products, process foods, and other specific items, with the focus on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes.
But Daniel fast is rooted in the book of Daniel, particularly Daniel 1:8-14 and Daniel 10:2-3, where Daniel and his companion chose to eat vegetables and drink water instead of the kings, rich foods and wine.
The purpose was often undertaken as a form of spiritual discipline, prayer, and seeking God‘s guidance, rather than slowly as a weight loss method.
Included are lists of the foods to eat, and foods to avoid. If you are interested in trying a Daniel Fast.
When we choose to accept Jesus into our lives there comes an important point when we learn how to deal with shame and regret.
When we experience trauma from someone we trusted, make poor decisions, or feel like we inherited sin from our family, shame finds an open door to invite itself into our lives. Sometimes situations have nothing to do with our actions but the actions of others.
No matter how shame enters our lives, it affects our lives intensely. Just like sin, shame is not hidden easily. Shame can come through jealousy, discontentment, and strife.
When we choose Jesus, we choose love and can say goodbye to shame and regret. Jesus dealt with our shame and guilt on the cross and made us free. Confessing our sin to Him, washes us clean, so we can start over. He gives us a new identity.
Nothing was more powerful than when I heard a fellow church goer say to me one day when I was struggling. “You are not your mother’s sin.” That statement hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though I was saved by Jesus, I still felt the burden of my mother’s sin. I mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically carried the weight of it.
Jesus carried that weight of sin on the cross. He is the weight bearer. We can give all our shame, and guilt and yes even the weight of sin we carry for others over to Him. His dying on the cross gave us atonement to be forgiven and to no longer be controlled by shame and guilt. Jesus said in Zephaniah 3:29,
“I will give them praise and honor, whose shame has been in all the earth.”
Say goodbye to shame and regret and hello to freedom and purpose.
What activities do you lose yourself in?
I used to love parties, but anymore they bore me. They are a place that forces me to engage in small talk. I don’t find it interesting being around people of consume a lot of alcohol and make fools of themselves.
The loud music and crowded spaces are overwhelming leaving me with a desire to escape. These social settings are monotonous and uninteresting because I feel like I’m being pressured to participate.
I would rather be around a few friends where I am free to be myself have deep conversations and drink a glass of wine.
Life is full of choices. Choose wisely. Chose life and blessing.
There are three constants in life, change, choice, and principle.
Every choice we make has a result. Destiny is no matter of chance. It’s a matter of choice. It’s not a thing to be waited on, it’s a thing to be achieved.
People used to say “What would Jesus do?” I think it would be better if it said “What would Jesus not do?”
Choices are a fact of life. And some choices are harder than others.
We are all given a choice between life and death, between blessing or curse. It would reason that the choice would be obvious and easy.
Yet, we live in a world in which people are constantly choosing death and cursing.
Jesus and salvation for eternity in heaven with peace.
Or
Sin and worldliness in an eternity in satan’s he’ll with torment.
We are either all in or we’re not. Jesus said:
“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live” -Deuteronomy 30:19
I pray every morning,
“Let the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be acceptable in your sight. My Lord, my rock, my redeemer” -Psalm 19:14
What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?
I have watched “Wind River” it’s a harrowing thrill movies, based on an 18, year old woman found an American Indian reservation dead in snowy Wyoming with signs of foul place. The wildlife officer found her. Now he has to find out why she was old there and who was involved.
I have also watched the first and second series of “The Chosen” quite a few times. This movie characterizes what Jesus was like after John the Baptizer baptized Him. This movie does something to my soul. It just makes me happier.
From Pity to Praise