I don’t fit in and I’m not supposed to. I’m not hereto fit in, and that’s okay. I’m here to be my unique and amazing self, and you are, too.
I’ve always felt different, like I was born in the wrong time period, or maybe even on the wrong planet. I just don’t “fit” anywhere or with anyone. You’d likely never realize this if you spent any amount of time with me, but it’s true.
When I was younger, I got good at pretending to fit in. Talking about things I didn’t care about, doing things I didn’t necessarily enjoy, and making myself appear “normal” when I’m so clearly anything but. As I got older, I learned to embrace more of what made me unique and different, and learned how to be more myself and exist in a space of truth and authenticity alongside everyone else.
Yet, despite all the work I’ve done,there are still moments where the feeling of not belonging anywhere or with anyone is all consuming. It happens randomly , usually when Im in a group of people, whether friends or family, who are having a good time. There will be a conversation or laughter, and I may even be enjoying myself… until all of the sudden Im not because I’m actually aware of the truth: I don’t fit in here.
Sometimes it’s that I don’t really care about the topic at hand. Sometimes it’s that I don’t really fit with the people around me. Sometimes it’s that I feel like the oddball of the group.
Mostly, though, it’s that I realize I’m not living in a life in full alignment with my truth. Because, if I was, I would be somewhere else having a different conversation, with a different set of people, and showing up more fully and completely as me.
I’ve done a lot of work over the years to align my life, relationships, and work with my passions and purpose. I’ve made major shifts, had hard conversations, and have pushed myself in ways that stretched me to tears. I’ve aligned , shed,grown, shifted, created, released, healed and cultivated. I’ve done a lot of work.
So when these moments happen, despite the fact that I momentarily stop breath and the world feels suffocating, isolating, and overwhelming foreign… I feelgratitude. Gratitude for the never ending nudges that bring me closer to my whole truth and my whole self. Nudges that say, hey love, this isn’t right for you. This isn’t where you belong. This isn’t really who you are. Nudges that prompt me to make changes so that, albeit slowly but surely, I start to show up more fully and completely in my life.
What ever makes you different, that’s exact who you’re here to be, not someone that fits with everyone else.
What do you do when you don’t fit in:
Be kind to yourself
You’re not alone in this feeling, regardless of how intense, frequent or unique to you it may feel.i remember attending a conference a few years ago where the speaker asked “who here feels like they don’t fit in?” Over half the people in the room raised their hands. You are not the only one who feels like they don’t belong there are tons of us. So first and foremost, be kind to yourself. Because even if you’re the one person in the world who really truly has no place, you’re still going to be stuck with you. Love and accept yourself fully, even when it feels like no one else could possibly.
Stop trying and instead, notice what makes you different.
One of the most common mistakes we make when we don’t belong is to try and fit in. If you feel like you don’t fit in, there’s a very good chance you don’t, and this isn’t a bad thing! Pay attention to what’s Specifically triggered that feeling for you. Is it that you don’t care about the things others do? Is it that you’re spending more time with people who are opposite? Is it that you don’t enjoy the activity at hand? Not fitting in doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or the people around you, it just means you’re different. Use this as an opportunity to explore what would need to change for you to feel like you fit. This isn’t about changing yourself or forcing yourself to be anything you’re not, it’s about changing yourself or forcing yourself to be anything your not, it’s about taking an honest look at the situation.
Maybe you need a new set of friends or to spend less time with your family. Maybe you’d rather be at a cultural event than be out drinking. Whatever it is, just make note of it and create better alignment in your life, work, and relationships going forward.
Embrace the truth of who you are.
To be in this world, but not of it.
Here’s the truth I’ve learned that’s changed my world. I don’t fit in and Im not supposed to. I’m not here to fit in, it would be boring to fit in. What ever makes you different is actually who you are supposed to be. Not someone that “fits” with everyone else. We are not created to be the same but different that’s the spice of life. You may not be the person who stays out late with friends, instead you may be at home studying something that lights you up. You may not be there person who can bond over sports or celebrity gossip. Instead oh may be the person discussing what you believe in. Embrace i! That’s who you’re heartless be and it’s perfect, beautiful and needed in this world. The sooner you embrace the truth of who you are, the sooner you’ll find where you fit and start feeling more joyful and fulfilled by your life and relationships.
So tell me…
Where are you trying to “fit in” when you should be embracing what makes you unique and different? Where are you softening your edges, doing or talking about things you don’t really enjoy, or shrinking yourself to fly under the radar? Where do you need to change or shift to create more alignment in your life and relationships?