When Your Life has been a Constant Struggle

No matter where my life takes me, I will always remember one vivid point in my life that changed everything.

It wasn’t too long along that I feeling that my entire life had been a failure. I was completely fed up with my life and how people were treating me, or at least the way I was thinking they were treating me.

My Children were gone and I felt completely alone. They never called to see how I was doing, they never came over to see me. My husband had completely upset me. We never had any communication. I would try and talk to him, but he wouldn’t remember anything I said. I felt disrespected.

In was so upset one day, after he left for work one morning. I packed some belongings. And left town. I wrote hi a note saying I had to get away. Didn’t know where I was going or even if I was coming back. All I knew was I couldn’t take it anymore. I drove 4 hours until I ended up at my sisters house. Which was not where I was headed especially since we hadn’t talked in months. I still was shaking when I got to her house. I thought I was having a nervous break down.

I think many of us want to find that one moment when it feels like we need to leave our past behind. We realize it time to get busy living.

It was the next day before my husband called me. Wanting to know where I was and why I left. I told him we needed to talk and he hung up on me. After him hanging up and me hanging up. He asked me when I was coming home. I told him I didn’t know.

After that my entire life changed. I had some serious thinking and praying to do. It was time to stop making excuses and really do what I want to do start living. We wait for that moment to come, but’s it frustrating because we have no idea when it will come.

I had decided I had nothing to lose. It could not get any worse than what it was right then.

I went back home 4 days later to talk to my husband. I told them the things that I needed to happen or I was leaving.

But the truth is sometimes we wait and that pivoting moment never comes.

What if you could create it through the power of writing. Writing can help you if you’ve got a lot of emotional baggage, have a lot of pain and anger, or feel stuck in life. It’s benefits has been proven to work.

I had always written letters to myself and my husband but threw them away after I wrote them. My therapist had told me to write letters my mother. To let go of the emotional pain I felt towards her. We I started to that I just started writing to myself and my husband.

It has turned my life around, but it took that pivotal moment in my life to finish it.

“I hated my Life.”

Why did my life turn out like this? I definitely didn’t expect this after leaving home. I had thought I got off to a good start. I was married, had successful children, I had started going to college, not being able to finish because I would have had to leave my children for a year to finish my degree.

My life started on a crash course, when I had my first child I had almost died while having her. I spend 3 weeks in ICU only to get out and been diagnosed with a identity disorder, because of my childhood. It had messed up my relationship with my husband, I lost my job. And so the struggle began.

Most people thought my life was great from the outside it looked like a good life. But from the inside it was horrible.

I Was dealing with anxiety, depression, plus having to raise a child. At my last baby your baby check-up the doctor told me I couldn’t have anymore children because I would be risking my life.

I thought my life would be better if I had another child- a son. Thinking I could save my marriage by doing so. I had gotten pregnant without telling anyone I was risking my life. My doctor told my husband at my first ultrasound. That I shouldn’t have gotten pregnant, my excuse was I wanted a son, and I knew I wouldn’t die.

When I had him I started hemorrhaging and they had to do a complete emergency hysterectomy right after he was born.

That just added to the stress after that. But I had a beautiful baby boy. He was my Gift from God. While he was growing up he didn’t know how many times he kept me from committing suicide.

After my children were raised and gone. I lost my one purpose for living. So I thought.

I had some hard times in my life, but I just try to remember how far I have come. I am truly healed and ready to fight for what I want.

Never stop thinking life can get better. If you don’t get up. Sometimes you have to fight for the quality of life you want. You are worth it. You deserve to be respected and happy.

After he left for work

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