Everyone gets attacked, injured, cheated, fooled, and harmed during their life- if not physically, then emotionally. A and everyone gets harmed by unpleasant events. We’re all victims, in moments to life’s challenges and difficulties- live’s lifeness.
It’s physiologically healthy to acknowledge the suffering and feelings of powerlessness that accompany such experiences. And yet there are those people who feel like victims all the time, regardless of their circumstances. Those with a victim mentality are always being victimized at least in their own mind. They maintain a constant victim identity and see life through perpetually victim-tinted glasses.
I lived my life with this mentality for 30 years. Before I learned I was just making myself a victim and wasted a huge part of my life thinking this way.
We all know people who seem to be constantly commenting on some injustice done to them- how others are denying them what they need, want, and making them do what they don’t want to do. Or how life is against them, and the universe is designed to punish them, personally. Perhaps you yourself are someone who experiences life this way.
Neither feeling like a victim of life, or loving someone who’s convinced they’re the victim of life, is easy. Both are painful.
Break Free Fron Victim Mentality.
Take ownership and responsibility for your own wants and needs. Determine what you want and what’s important to you. Name it and do what you need to do to make it happen- for yourself. Don’t waste time blaming and getting angry at those who don’t want or need the same thing you do, don’t wait for them to come on board to help you get what you want. Get busy taking care of what’s important to you, and leave others out of it.
Practice saying ”NO” if you don’t want to do something and don’t (realistically ) have to do it, don’t do it. Remember that you are allowed to have needs, just like other people.
Stop blaming. When you hear yourself going into blaming stories, whether against other people, the world life. Whoever say STOP! to yourself out loud, and actually turn your attention away from your blaming thoughts.
Become aware of the root of your sense of powerlessness. Before you construct the next narrative on who’s stealing your power, get curious about the underlying feelings of powerlessness that proceed with all situations, you’re not actually attending to you’re suffering or helping yourself feel better. By claiming the victim role, you are intensifying your pain. With the victim identity in play, you’re not only suffering because of whatever happened, but you’ve also now added to that suffering the fact that you don’t get what others get is out to get because you’re cursed, life and everyone in it is out to get you, and basically, the universe hates you.
Turn your focus on helping others. When you’re a victim mentally, the whole world is about you and your pain. Acknowledge your suffering with kindness, and then consider how you can help another being. As counterintuitive as if may be, the more you feel deprived, you more need to give. Offering kindness is the unrest antidote to ”Poor me.”
Practice gratitude. Victim mentality focuses you on your suffering, specifically what you’re not getting. Try flipping your perspective and focusing on something that matters to you that you do enjoy and that you do get. Shift your attention from what you’re missing to what you have.
Write a list of the ways you can change the bad situation. When you feel like a victim, you convince yourself that there’s nothing you can do to change your circumstances, but that’s almost never true. Get busy with how you can try and improve the situation, even if it feels impossible.
Practice empathic listening. When listening to other people, try listening with the intention of feeling what they are saying from inside their heart. Stop focusing on what you need to do about what they’re saying, or anything else that has to do with you. Listen as if you were just ears hearing, without putting yourself in the way.
Practice forgiveness. When you play the victim role, you’re deciding to hold onto bitterness and anger and the certainty that you’ve been wronged – often without even investigating what the other’s intention may have been. Instead of poisoning your own experience with resentful thoughts, try practicing compassion and understanding for the other. Start a new habit: make dropping resentment and trying out forgiveness a daily practice.
There’s another good about living as a victim, or with a victim, but with awareness, a desire to change, and new habits, you can outgrow the mentality. A life lived with gratitude and kindness is far much better than one of resentment and bitterness. Empowerment and self-command are available to everyone and with a good attitude. And behaviors, they’re yours for the taking. The first step is to decide that you’re ready to stop being a victim.