Forgiveness is an important action that can lead to a place or greater healing and peace. Forgiving and letting go of anger and resentment had even shown to benefit a person’s physical health. Studies have shown that forgiveness can bring lower stress hormones, strengthen the immune system, lower blood pressure, and reduce body pains. However, as we know, forgiveness doesn’t come easy. While difficult a few steps can lead to greater understanding, awareness, and can equip an individual. With the necessary tools to forgive and move on.
For 40 years I could not forgive my mother for what she had done to me, I total hate for her.
Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not okay. Then tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.
Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better.
Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with that person that hurt you or condoning of their actions. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as peace and understanding that comes from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story.
Get the right perspective, on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from hurt feelings, thoughts, and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended or hurt you in the pastor 10 minutes ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those feelings.
At the moment you may feel upset practice stress management to soothe your body flight or fight response.
Giving up expecting things from other people in your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the enforceable rules you have for your health or now you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace, and prosperity and work hard to get them.
Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that hurts you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.
Remember that life well-lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby Go in the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power.
Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.
My mother went to her grave keeping the reason why she did the things she did to me. I will never know the reason why she treated me like she did. I was kept away from her family, so I had no knowledge of what her childhood was like. But I still go every Sunday and put flowers on her grave and tell her ”I love her.”
My advice is to forgive whoever has hurt you, and speak to them with kindness. It will help to be happier and healthier. Forgiveness is an excellent way to start the healing process.
I am not my mother’s sin, I do not have to pay for what she did to me for the rest of my life. Be strong and move on.Kathy Hyatt