Do you ever find yourself so much you forget your phone charger? Then it turns out that you’ve got an important call and you spend the entire time feeling anxious about you phone dying?
Or perhaps you’ve decided a family member or friend doesn’t listen to you; so you keep talking more anymore trying to hammer home your point. Unfortunately, this leads them to tune out, even more, threatening your bonds. There are just a couple of ways you may be sabotaging yourself and your relationships resting unnecessary pain and self-generated stress.
To stop sabotaging yourself, you must first recognize when you’re getting in your own way. Some of the time, we’re acutely and painfully aware of this- like when we find ourselves procrastinating before taking a literal or physical mess so that it becomes a bigger deal to clean up later. Or we impulsively buy a large bag of potato chips when we’re trying to cut back on junk food.
Of course, other times we’re less aware of our self-sabotage or we misdiagnose the cover problem. This gets in the way of you focusing on someones great qualities and holds you back from potentially becoming good friends.
To stop sabotaging yourself, you need to figure out your patterns of behavior and create ways to counteract them and form new habits.
Knowing Your Typical Thinking Patterns
Our personality and life experiences predispose us to dominate modes of thinking, but these can be biased in ways that are unhelpful in the majority of situations.
For example, people who are prone to anxiety tend to be hyper-vigilant to signs of threats that aren’t really there. This happens to be one of my personal patterns of self-defeating thinking. The way this manifests for me is that problems always seem bigger than they really are, whenever someone asks me to do something I internally overreact and perceive whatever is being asked as more serious than it is. I tend to overthink and stress myself out.
How do I deal with this? Knowing my thinking bias, I factor it into my judgments. I discount my initial reaction and go back and reviewer the requests with fresh eyes. I specifically say to myself, ”My brain is reacting to this as if it’s a threat, he most likely it’s actually an opportunity.”
To moderate your thinking biases, you’ll need to develop a physiologically sophisticated uunderstanding of your own thinking. This is possible with some effort of reflection. Maybe you tend to worry people are angry at you when usually this isn’t the case. Maybe you tend to impose your perfectionist standards on others and it hurts your relationships. Or you tend to hesitate too much in making decisions. When you thoroughly understand your personal thinking errors, you’ll be able to correct for these, and this will become easier and almost automatic with practice.
Prioritize One-time Behaviors That Reduce Your Stress Over Time.
When you reduce your mental clutter, you’ll have more time and cognitive energy for correcting your thinking and behavioral biases.
In today’s world, we tend to get extremely busy chasing things that don’t need chasing after. A very common self-sabotaging habit is thinking well remember to do something but then forgetting. To work around this tendency you can design aspects of your life with the assumption that you are going to be imperfect. I write myself a to-do list every day. And look at it after each task is done and cross it off. There are technology apps for this also. I used to put money someplace in my car so if I forgot my wallet. This backup can still b strategy means that if I forget my wallet doesn’t generate stress. I can still buy those days essentials like gas or whatever groceries I need for dinner that night. I leave pens lying around the house since sometimes I have to write stuff down and don’t want to search the house for a pen. It takes a few minutes to walk around the house when I put them back at the end of the day, but it reduces stress during the day.
Rules For Decision Making
Decision making is hugely draining especially if your anxious or a perfectionist who overthinks every decision. If you reduce cognitive fatigue from decision making, you’ll have more emotional energy for other things.
If You’re going to need something within two weeks order, buy it now or order it now. If I’m going to need it within two weeks I get it now. It’s less stressful to know I have it than worrying all run out.
Perfectionists self-sabatoge themselves by having inflexible standards and be dismissive of incremental gains. They want to solve a problem completely, right now, and aren’t motivated by solutions that improve a problem even if the solution is almost effortless.
Avoidance And Procrastination
When we procrastinate or avoid, our anxiety about what we’re avoiding tends to increase. Many times people who procrastinate don’t think to use a strategy for getting started even thought many exist.
Use project to-do lists to get organized on what needs to be done that day to utilize small scraps of time.
Shrink uimportant takes to a bare minimum required for getting them done. Perfectionist habitually expands the scope of projects to the point that they become unwieldy.
Try last things first. Sometimes the typical final steps in the task is easier to start with than the typical first steps.