Setting Boundaries

Building our own personal and emotional space are very important if we want to feel safe and happy. Have you ever heard someone say get out of my space? Of your in my bubble?

Our personal boundaries aren’t as obvious as a fence or a no trespassing sign, unfortunately they’re more invisible bubbles.

Sometimes personal boundaries can be challenging to navigate, setting and communicating them is essential for our health, we’ll-being and safety.

Boundaries give us a sense of control over our bodies and feelings. We all have limits, and boundaries are the limit.

While setting bound for ourselves and honoring the boundaries of others is not a science. But there are ways we can take charge over our lives.

Understanding Boundaries

The word boundary can be misleading. It gives the idea of keeping yourself separate. But, boundaries are connecting points they provide healthy rules for relationships.

Boundican Improve Our Self-Esteem

Boundaries can protect relationships from being unsafe. It actually brings us together rather than keeping us apart.

Having boundaries allows us to make ourselves a priority, either in self-care, career choices, or with relationships.

Boundaries can be flexible

Never draw your boundaries in permanent ink, it’s good to think about them occasionally and re-assess them.

Boundaries can be to rigid or not flexible, problems can occur. You don’t want to isolate yourself or avoid closeness all together. And giving all your time to others. I know from experience giving all your time to others will destroy your health and your happiness. Creating boundaries that are too bendy are more common in women, that men.

BoundariesCerserving Our Emotional Energy

Ourself self-esteem and identity can be impacted, and we can build resentment toward others because of an inability to advocate for ourselves.

Don’t think you need the same boundaries as everyone else. Boundaries depends on the situation or person make sure you give yourself enough energy to care for yourself.

Example

Draw an imaginary line separating your emotions and responsibility. My responsibility is loving and caring for my husband it is not when he makes a bad choice and has to reap his circumstances not you. If he steals something from work and he gets caught. You didn’t commit this crime he did, set a boundary that this is his problem not mine. Yes I will give advice and talk to him about it. But I cannot make his choice for him. He has to live with what he did. It is not my problem to fix. Choose to stay out of it. It will be a boundary set that will safe you a lot of stress. Know your feeling and your responsibilities to yourself and others.

It’s hard to set boundaries because

They put others needs and feelings first

They don’t know themselves

They don’t feel they have rights

They believe setting boundaries jeopardizes their relationships

They never learned to have healthy boundaries

Boundaries are learned if you were not valued as a child, you didn’t learn you had them. Any kind of abuse violates personal boundaries, including teasing. For example, my mother would tell me to shut up after a while I felt I could not say anything. This made me feel powerless and that I didn’t have a right to speak to anyone when something happened or I felt sick. Boundary violations affects a child’s ability to mature into a independent adult.

You Have Rights

You may not believe you have any rights because of situations you can experienced, but you have a right to say no and to addressed with courtesy and respect, to change your mind or cancel commitments.

If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Tell the others, learn to say stop I don’t like this or No this is not happening this way.

Try writing yourself a bill of rights. What you will let happen and what you won’t. And assert yourself. Be kind say please don’t ciritize me or call me during this time. Thank you for thinking of me, but I won’t be joining you, or I won’t be able to help you. I don’t feel comfortable with doing that, I’ll have to pass.

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