I have a heart for people who are broken.
I was broken for so many years so, I understand where people are coming through and why they behave in certain ways.
Their reactions stem from past experiences that led them to believe that they accepted as truth. They are preconceived ideas projected onto others to protect their ego.
Instead of taking it personally, I recognize it for what it is and love the person anyway.
When you know where people’s reactions to you are coming from, it’s much easier to not take it personally.
It’s really not about us at all. It’s about them and what’s inside them coming out and projecting onto us.
I have been manipulated and hurt by hurt people who have wanted to hurt me?
I have backed away from relationships to see if they would really quit on me and leave. Most of them have. If they quit on me because I was behaving in a certain way, I told myself I didn’t need them, if they didn’t need me. The problem is I needed that person more than they needed me.
I’ve had people I looked up to say many unkind things to me. I was striving to be better in certain areas of my like and I didn’t understand why they had been so harsh.
Although I didn’t understand completely, I knew for fact they were hurting and hurt people hurt people.
Sometimes people say what they are actually feeling about themselves. We can sometimes we can tell others what we really want to say to ourselves.
It is very typical of people in general – can only see in someone else what we have in us. When we point the finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back as us. Check and see if you are projecting what you feel to the other person.
I have friends who would never contact me first. She always waited for me to contact her. She told me many years later it made her feel loved when people contacted her first.
She was set on feeling good about herself through other people reaching out that she didn’t reach out to anyone first.
When we know people don’t want to hurt us- they are just protecting themselves and attempting to avoid mental and emotional pain.
However, we don’t need to stand for it.
So what do we do about this behavior in others?
Do we accept it or shut it down?
In my experience, there are positive ways to handle this behavior
Recognize it for what it truly is.
Create a safe space for them to be authentic.
Have one, honest communication by asking questions and sharing your feelings.
Choose whether you want to move forward with this person.
The trick is to recognize it and not play into their behavior. Don’t try and rescue them, and don’t buy into how they want you to react. Don’t give them power. Love them where they’re at and be okay with the outcome.
I had a friend once who so to say pulled my strings. I was there every time she said she needed me day or night. Because I felt sorry for her and the situation she was in. I began to be upset and very stressed out. I hadn’t realized I was enabling her to do the things she did. Not helping her or me.
Talk to then in a safe, supportive environment and ask questions to attempt to understand their feeling and why they act the way they do.
When sharing your own feelings, speak using I messages, for example I feel sad when you behave this way. Or I would really love to do to dinner with you, so we can enjoy each others company. I want to understand better what you’ve been through and what causes you to behave this way.
You have a choice as to whether you want the person in your inner circle of friends or on the outskirts.
At times you might want to love and keep people in your life, and other times you might want to love them from a distance. And release them to God and pray for them to find healing and peace within themselves.
Remember that hurt people hurt people it is not about you.
Unless you have hurt the person in some way, know that they are acting from a place of pain a d a yearning for love.
Hurting people often don’t love themselves enough so they look for love and approval from others.
Be careful as you teach people how to treat others- no matter how much a person is hurting you deserve to be loved in a way that feels good.
Hurt people hurt people, however, they hurt themselves more. We don’t need to feel hurt in the process as they take themselves down.
Rise above and hopefully we can bring them with us.