I’m sure every one have heard the advice forgive and forget. I for one do not take this advice. I can forgive easily. But I can’t forget.
It’s normal to hear a person who has been betrayed or hurt by someone saying they have forgiven but they will not forget. This usually follows through with their refusal to trust the person ever again.
Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.My father
A once comfortable relationship has been reduced to polite hello’s and there is no mistaking the marked difference in the interaction.
I have a good friend, I considered her my best friend. We were both in an organization, she was the President and I the Vice President. Things were going great. We we’re doing fundraisers for the non-profit organization to help our community.
One day we had our monthly meeting. She gets up to lead the meeting. And without any hesitations, she said I’m resigning, I was in shock, I was devastated that she had withheld telling me before the meeting, with her resigning I was bumped up to President. I was angry, sad, and hurt. That she hadn’t said anything to me.
I was not at all prepared, I didn’t know how to do the paperwork, So, I thought okay here I am in this position I guess I’m winging it. Talking to people after this happened I found out that she had told two people that she was going to resign but didn’t take the time to tell me. This made me angrier. So I stopped all contact for a year.
In the Bible, it says to forgive even as God has forgiven us. I’m Mark 11:25-26 it states that when we pray we ought to forgive as this is a prerequisite for receiving our own forgiveness. So, one can clearly see that forgiving others is for one’s own benefit, he points out.
It took me a year to forgive her, to bring myself to have a conversation with her and be kind and respect her. But I still can’t forget what she did to me.
Now we are in another organization together I am Chapin and she is president again, I can help think it’s only a matter of time before it happens again.
As a Christian, I will be polite and humble but I will also know how the Vice President will feel. And I will help her to get over how she feels.
We see in the Bible that Jesus did not entrust himself to the crowd. He knew well that one day the adoring crowd could shout ’Hasanna’ one day and Crucfy Him the next.
Trust has to be earned. It is one thing to forgive someone. That is a free gift, but trust needs to be earned.
Let’s just say we trusted to let someone borrow our car and they drove it drunk and was in an accident. It would be fooling to hand over the keys to them again in the name of forgiveness when they have failed to demonstrate true repentance accompanied by a genuine change of behavior.
Dealing with someone who has wronged you in the past and giving them a fresh start is no different than dealing with someone you just met.
You would not invite someone in your home and give them access to your bank and valuables after the first meeting. You have no prior his, so there is no issue of unforgiveness. The issue is then one of estaua basis for trust.
There are citing’s in the Bible such as Peter being restored after betraying Jesus. Paul after persecuting Christians being restored after conversion, and king David restoring his son Absalom even to his own detriment.
Sometimes when we talk about restoring a person we need to be discerning about what should be the appropriate level of fellowship. There are some instances where the one who betrayed and hurt us was placed in a position that they ought not have occupied in the first place.
Many have the notion that when God forgives, he automatically entrusts us with what we had before. Many fallen people have never returned to the promises they had before.
An example: If you had a great position at work, but you altered the paperwork so, you are favored and your boss sees the alteration. You might be demoted to a less paying position.
If there were full restoration Adam and Eve would have been allowed back into Eden and Moses would have crossed into the promise land.
The hurt someone has caused you should not rehearse the hurts of the past if they ever want to be healed of the effects and be empowered to move forward.
You should not forget how people have hurt you, but you should also not dwell on that hurt. Forgiving allows us to move forward.