Every day we many dozens of choices that either benefits or diminish us, sometimes it seems it’s easier to go with the flow to avoid conflict. But the truth is that letting people walk all over us can increase feeling of stress and anxiety, and might eventually lessen your feels of self-worth and lead to our insecurities.
Learning you stand up for yourself will help you take charge of your life. We need to believe in our own power to reach your dreams. The stronger you feel, the stronger you will become.
For almost thirty years, I chose to go with the flow saying ”I don’t care what happens” basically I let people control my feelings, my opinion, and my life. This finally reached the point where I knew things had to change. I had to build up the strength to stand up for myself. I told myself I couldn’t do this. I was actually at the point that I was seriously thinking about getting in my car and driving away. Changing my name so no one could find me.
Here are a few ideas that might help:
It might be hard at times, but when you learn to express yourself openly and honestly it will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Too often we hide behind a half-hearted smile and nod instead of saying what we think. It does take practice, but learning to be the real you and be open about what you are feeling or thinking is a great step.
Take small powerful steps:
If you’re struggling with being assertive start taking small to stand up for yourself. Here is a simple example, I would finish weekly grocery shopping about the time my husband got off of work. I would be lugging the in the groceries and he would walk right by me. Finally, I told him he needs to help me carry the groceries in. To my shock, he said anytime I needed help with that to ask him. That’s the last thing I expected him to say. A small powerful step that led to respect.
Even just learning to walk with your head held high, shoulders back will help you appear and feel more confident. Transfer that confidence in dealing with others. Attitude can apply to all areas of your life. Feeling annoyed at the person who won’t show you respect. Ask them to help you in a situation like bringing in the groceries because it’s difficult for you. See an extra charge on a restaurant bill. Stand up for your self dispute it.
When someone attack you, wait it out
As you learn to be more confident in expressing yourself, you’re also going to have to learn to face those who want to override. There will always be people whose personalities are set to attack mode. It’s important to remain calm but assertive if you feel someone’s trying to bully you. Don’t allow tour to get frazzled or react with low blows. Don’t cater to them or allow them to badger you either. Walk the high road, stand your ground.
Figuring out what’s really bothering you
Going with the flow for purposes of not making waves creates more stress and anxiety for yourself. Of course, getting to courage to face something that’s bothering you can be scary. But, facing the issue will empower you to make it better and diminishes the control it has over you. It’s best to remember people cannot read your mind, if you don’t vocalize what is bothering you, no one will know.
Clarify first without attacking
It’s tempting to take a self-righteousness stand, especially if you are sure your right. From your viewpoint, you are justifying defending yourself against someone who seems to be in the wrong. But its impo to resist the urge to react with emotion. Take a deep breath and calmly explain your perspective to them. Avoid combative tones and accusatory words. Say exactly what you mean and listen to their response. Then a real discussion can begin to take place.
After you build up enough confidence and get the hang of what it means to stand up for yourself. It’s time to practice asking for what you want as often as possible. When someone says something to you disagree with, or you feel push into doing something you don’t want to do, say something.
Stick with this new assertiveness for a couple of months and you might be surprised at the results.