From the first moment you walk into a room people are making judgements about how much they like you. But, there may be ways to improve your chances.
Most have come across them at some point – the kind of people who walk into a room full of complete strangers but then leave with 10 new friends, a lunch date for the next day.
Charmers. What makes these lucky people so effortlessly likable? When many of us have to work so hard at it? While many would have you believe social grace or winning people over is a art form.
I have a friend like this. She can walk into a room and strangers come up her and start talking to her. I tend to shrink in my shell every time we would go somewhere with her. I used to be the person that had no confidence, timid and shy.
But learning a few tricks helped me become more self-confident.
The factors that determine our success with other people, and the impressions we make upon them, can start even before we meet them. Research shows that people we meet often make judgements purely on how we look. People we meet often make judgements about us based on our face, in a second.
Making a snap judgement on something or someone might seem rash, but we do it all the time without realizing it.
The judgements we make about someone’s face can influence financial decisions. There was an experiment done where borrowers who were perceived as looking less trustworthy were less likely to get a loan on a face to face lending interview. Lenders were making these judgements based on appearance in spite of having the borrowers employment status and credit history right in front of them.
Of course, while you may not be able to change the physical features of your face it is possible to alter your expressions and smile. Putin a happy face. Believe it or not we can manipulate our faces to look more or less trustworthy, allowing us to change our features to make us look more trustworthy.
While something like dominance, as nightly related to our natural features there are things like trustworthiness and even attractiveness. I carry myself as if I am dominate over every one. But, if people get to know me, I am kind and generous, the very trustworthy. But, people that make judgements by my face never take the time to get to know me. So being happy and smiling even if I am having a bad day.
People will perceive a smiling face as more trustworthy, warmer and sociable.
One of the major imputes to these impressions is emotional expression. You can manipulate your face to become more trustworthy or extroverted, emotional expressions emerge -the face becomes happy.
For those who situations where our first impression has not been so good as we might haves hoped, there is hope- we can still win people over so the forget their first snap judgement.
We can override our first impression quickly based on appearance. If you have the opportunity of meet meeting someone again say something to them for example: You know they have a horse and like to ride tell them something like I seen you riding your horse the other night at the rodeo, you sure a good rider, what a beautiful horse. I just got my child a horse and I would love to ride too, I had a horse growing up. If you can impress someone they will often forget about what they thought when they first saw you, even if it was negative.
Channel your charm- This is where charm can come in. Charm is a like ability and how delightful it is to interact with someone. Interpersonal skills are becoming increasingly important.
It’s possible to train yourself to be charming. If you know who Johnny Carson was an example of someone who preferred being alone, but he learned how to be extremely sociable for the Camera.
But, most of the 98% of the time he went home after the show rather than choosing to socialize with the others on the set. Carson was an extreme introvert who trained himself to be a extrovert.
Raising eyebrows, So what can the rest of us do to be more charming?
The three major things we can do is when we approach someone that signals we are not a threat is an eyebrow flash, a slight head tilt, and a smile.
Our brains are always surveying the environment around us for friend of foe signals. The three things above should be done quickly. So now that you have made your entrance without talking to yourself or murmuring like a maniac.
The golden rule of friendship is if you make someone feel good about themselves, they’re going to like you. But, it on,y works if you show a genuine interest in what they are saying.
Imagine the other person is a character in a movie you like. Those characters become most fascinating the more you learn about them. You’ll find yourself observing and showing genuine interest in their mannerisms and personality. Maintaining eye contact will give the impression of interest.
I myself have a difficult time remembering names. I choose to connect their names to something. Like if their name is Jessie, I connect that name with Jessie James.
If all that fails, interest can be faked. Focus on the different colors in their eyes. By maintaining that level of eye contact, it will give the impression of interest.
Make empathic statements that might reflect some of what the other person is feeling.
For example if you see someone at the gas station getting gas, next to you. If they look pleased you can say, you look like your having a good day? He explains that he went on too say he just aced a test at school that he’s spent week studying for. That entire exchange made him feel good about himself.
If know more about the person you’re speaking with, you can be even more effective
I once was at a restaurant having lunch, when this man came up to my saying. Do I know you, I automatically was thinking he was going to put the moves on me, so I said, I don’t think so. Getting ready to tell him was married. When he said I think we went to school together. But you look younger than me. What year did you graduate? I told him, and he said I remember you, we did go to school together. I asked his name and he told me, I remembered his name, but not his face. He said I looked good for being my age. We had a conversation and when we parted ways. I really felt good for having a great conversation with him.
Charming people is often skilled at finding common ground with the people they interact with.
When you cannot find common ground, a good idea is to talk about current events. But stay away from discussing politics. If you disagree with the other person, it likely not to end well.
Watch body language, a key is to mirror the body language of the other person. It is a signal that gives good vibes to the other person.
Revealing details about yourself little by little, like breadcrumbs so each new piece of information acts as curiosity hooks to keep their interest going.