Ralph Waldo Emerson said “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Whether you’re in a physical or emotional encounter everyone will cross paths with abandonment. For, many abandonment proves a negative, life-altering experience, others remain unscathed and a rare few emerge strengthened by their bout with rejection.
Why does being abandoned produce bitterness in the heart of one, yet leave another unexpected? The answer will not be found in questioning why. The answer is hidden in how you react when people choose to leave or emotionally feel abandoned.
Healing from abandonment begins by focusing not on what has happened but on how we respond when negative things do happen.
Thinking about our abandonment can be overwhelming. Losing someone through rejection or death is difficult. The feeling of betrayal or grief can lead to intense, even erratic emotional responses.
As a child I felt abandoned by my mother even though she did leave. I always knew she didn’t love me, she ignored me often and constantly push me away, or hid me from her sight.
Even though my Father would step up and let me know I was loved those times we few. His alcoholism took over many times. I was difficult for me, even into my late teens and adulthood. My abandonment issue play a huge roll in how acted, the decisions I made. For most on my life.
When is the appropriate response to actual or perceived fear! How do you handle harassing thoughts trying to convince you, you will always feel abandoned. And that defeating nagging feeling you feel in the pit of your stomach when you feel abandoned by everyone. How do you combat the fearful thoughts of thing that have happened? What about the insecurity that sneaks into your heart when you see someone treating their child the way your mother treated you. Or seeing your spouse talking with someone of the opposite sex.
But you can fight your fears and win.
It will take time and effort, but you can overthrow the fears that seek to sabotage your joy.
You can begin by unmasking the source of the fear.
I was at coffee with a friend one day. I lived with constant turmoil and crisis. This friend asked me to share my story. My first thought was that if I told her anything about me, she would not be my friend anymore. I would share some of my story and leave bad parts out.
Well, to say the least things didn’t turn out as I had planned. I started from the beginning and went until I couldn’t speak anymore because of the tears.
She noticed that I used phrases like I am just not good enough, nobody cares, why do I even get up in the morning. I devalued my life because that is what I was taught in my childhood. I thought that was normal to feel unloved, stupid, that I didn’t matter to anyone. I had created a self-fulfilling prophecy of destruction.
Have you ever created an environment for your insecurities to thrive?
It time to dethrone those harassing thoughts that devalue your self-worth, ruin your relationships, and destroy your dreams. What do you think about most that determines your feelings and fears? Let’s face it. Many people wrestle with abandonment issues, but few are willing to acknowledge the feelings of inadequacy and failure they experience as a result of being abandoned.
When and how does abandonment begin? To answer that question we must first find the source of fear. There are two types of fear. The first is healthy fear.
Can fear be healthy? Only when it stems from the reasoning part of the brain and warns of real and impending fear. For example, healthy fear acts as a warning signal cautioning a child to look both ways before crossing the street. Or it rationalizes with a teenager not to accept his friends dare to drink 10 5-hour energy drinks.
There a numerous benefits to healthy fear. On the flip side of this is an unhealthy fear that goes against our better judgment. Stemming not from logic but from emotions, unhealthy fear plays tricks on one’s ability to think sensible and balanced thoughts.
The easiest way to process feelings of fear is to consider there source. There are ways to qualify your fears, ask yourself these questions:
Can my fears be substantiated by the facts?
Are my fears replacing my faith?
Am I fearful of things or situations that do not exist?
Remember, feelings born out of negative thinking create unnecessary anxiety. Negative thoughts produce negative feelings, and negative feelings are the source of unhealthy fear.
I knew a lady named Anne she has nightmares about her daughter falling into an abandoned well and being severely injured and she is unable to come to go to her rescue. She tells me the funny things is I have never fallen into a hole neither do I know anyone that has. Why am I overtaken by fear that I will be unable to help my daughter in time of crisis?
The struggle to identify feelings associated with fear of amendment is difficult if not frustrating.
Abandonment is a complicated issue. I have felt the devastation of relationships gone wrong, the abandonment of a neglected childhood, and the injustice of feeling like I deserved the headache and heartache of abandonment.
No one reacts to abandonment exactly the same way, but there is one thread of commonality few understand the impact abandonment has upon our lives.
Trauma can take over our lives leaving us bitter and wary of friendships and trust but we can grow through them. We just have to face the emotional baggage and start thriving.