Many think aloneness is a negative state of being. The world doesn’t help us with this notion either, being alone often carries a social stigma, implying isolation, and being on the outside of everything.
This perceived sense of aloneness seems to imply that being by yourself is not volitional, or a choice we make but rather an imposed state where a persons not socially engaged in the way that is somehow expected. Furthermore, it may imply that there is something actually wrong or defective with a person who remains alone.
I had a lady from work ask why have yo never gotten married. I laughed and said I am married, then Why are you always alone? When I explained how he was in a war and had isolation issues. She understood. I have just learned how to be alone and enjoy it.
Unlike being alone, loneliness often implies that you are looking for someone or something that you feel you need in order to feel secure and happy. For some, loneliness may be a chronic condition where your own company is never enough; where spending time with yourself may produce anxiety, panic attacks or depression. For many the perceived solution to keep this fear away is to make sure that you are always in the company of another.
Of course, loneliness is not “one size fits all.” As with anything, there may be varying degrees depending upon your personality and life experiences. For example, loneliness may be experienced by some as a painful reminder of a previous loseas or abandonment-feeling rejected, not cared for or unloved.
Although aloneness and loneliness are often thought of as the same thing, they are not. Learning to be alone may be initially scary, but once mastered, it serves as the cornerstone for development and growth as a human being. There’s so much to be gained from learning to rely upon and more importantly, to trust your own inner voice as the best source for your own guidance.
Being alone allows you to drop your social guard giving you the freedom to inward-thinking. You may be able to make better choices and decisions about who you are and what you want without outside influence. Often we are swayed by the thoughts, feeling, attitudes, beliefs, and behavior of those in our immediate sphere. You may ask others for advice and opinions, but ultimately, confiding in yourself and making up you own mind about what you want to do will lead you into the life that’s best for you.
I have my friends but it is a small group that I do things with. Not many people know that I am kind and have a heart of gold. Because too many think there is something wrong with me. I say “If they can’t take the time to find out why I am the way I am, it’s their loss not mine.
Learn to be alone, it just may be the best thing that ever happened to you.