Stop Trying To Calm The Storm. Calm Yourself, The Storm Will Pass

Everyone’s been there. In the midst of an argument when things get serious. Heated words are exchanged. One thing leads to another, and before long your ready to tear out each other’s hair.

We think of confrontation as an aggressive thing but it shouldn’t be a defensive maneuver of a counterattack. A healthy, fruitful confrontation is marked by empathy, calm and commitment. Also a smidgen of hostility. Unless you’re from some kind of guru, you’re likely to have some trouble shifting back down to neutral after one of those arguments.

Learning how to regain your composure is more that personal development. Losing your cool in the workplace can cost you your career.

Here are some ways to channel more positive energy:

Walk Away

It’s the oldest trick in the book, but it works. It can help both people and helps balance your environment. But wait until the other person says everything they want to say.

Clear Your Mind

After you have walked away from a argument, stretch yourself with a walk in the fresh air. Push all the negative words that the person said and replace it with positive memories such a a good weekend or a recent gathering with friends. This kind of neurological substitution can really works wonders. If your walk takes you to a quiet place, consider having a brief break and re-center yourself.

Engage In Another Task. Sometimes emerging yourself in a new effort is the best way to calm down. Calm your nerves by vigorously working to attain a reasonable goal.

A Few Words About Empathy. You have to be clear. But there are two kinds of clarity. The first kind is easy. “I feel this way.” That’s clear if somewhat unhelpful. The second kind takes a little more work. “ I believe that you feel this way.” That’s empathy. And empathy changes everything. The whole idea of any kind of conflict management is to understand why the person is doing what they’re doing that’s driving you crazy. You can often solve the problem or learn to tolerate it or generate a work-around. Try to cool down a bit. Take a breath. Now check your assumptions. Try to see things from another perspective.

Ask yourself if you’ve had and role in the offending behavior, even indirectly. Could it possibly be true that your own actions have contributed to the behavior you’re objecting to.

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