Sometimes The way we behave or the things we say can push people away. It might be some of our traits we’re not proud of and want to change. Or it might be something we see as positive, and the reason it puts certain people off is the way they perceive you.
Here are some signs why people feel intimidated by you:
We’re Brutally Honest
If honesty is one of the defining characteristics of your personality. You like to be honest with people, even if it sometimes means telling the hard truth or being blunt and hurting someone. You feel that it’s the right thing to do, to speak your mind, rather than sugarcoat things or lie.
You Don’t Like Small Talk
You don’t like wasting your time chit-chatting with people about the weather, how their weekend was, or any other subject people usually discuss just to be friendly and polite. Small talk seems pointless to you, and you’d rather get straight to the point and discuss things that are really important or have a meaningful conversation.
As a result, you either skip the pleasantries or you don’t talk at all to the people you know you won’t have an engaging conversation with. And that’s why you might come across as rude or cold.
For a long time I had a hard time knowing why I didn’t have many friends. Then I learned the reason why was I came off as intimidating. My husband tells me it’s my tone and not surprising my children have the same traits.
You Have No Tolerance For Ignorance
While you prefer to keep an open mind and like to learn new things, others aren’t always eager to do the same. So when someone gets judgmental, especially about things they aren’t knowledgeable about, it can get on your nerves. Because of that, you try to avoid those people. Or, worse case scenario, you might lose your temper with them and become emotional.
You Can’t Stand People Who Complain
You don’t make excuses and because of that you don’t accept them either, and you expect others to do the same. You’d rather people pull themselves together and deal with their problems, that waste time feeling sorry for themselves. And if you have to work with those people, you feel like they’re also wasting your time.
I remember at time I was the complainer and make excuses. Now, I have no time to waste anymore time and want to move on.
So you might by blunt and express your opinion to then. Because of that, people might see you as heartless and unempathetic, as if you were a robot who only cares about getting results and is indifferent to the struggles they go through.
Even though you have empathy and are not heartless, you may be thick-skinned. Because what has went on in your past.
There could be certain characteristics of your personality that are actually nothing but positive. There might be people who don’t take the time to get to know you.
You Stick To Your Word
With honesty, comes the ability to keep your word. When you make promises, you keep them. However, not everyone can do that. So when everyone sees that your word is your bond, compares themselves to you, and sees the contrast, they might feel humiliated and powerless.
You’re Open Minded
Trying and learning new things doesn’t make you uncomfortable, unlike certain people. You’re open to hearing both sides of the story, and your decisions and opinions take them into account. Some people just assume your intimidating and won’t try to share their opinions with you.
You get inspired by the unfamiliar, which can cause you to start doing things differently than others. But new and strange things usually put people out of their comfort zone. So when you challenge their way of thinking, they might feel threatened by you.
You’re Strong Willed And Opinionated
If your determined to do something, you will do it no matter what, even if it means not conforming to what other people are expecting of you. You aren’t afraid to go against the grain and stand alone if you’re way of thinking or doing things doesn’t match the norm. And if you can’t achieve the desired result right away, you have the confidence and faith to keep trying, no matter how pointless and strange it seems to others.
What Can You Do About It
Try and consider how people will feel after to tell them something with absolute honesty. If someone can handle the truth, go ahead and tell them. But some people are really hurt by your words, and as a result, it can damage your relationships with that people. Try to convey your thoughts in a truthful, but respectable manner.
For example, if you’re giving someone bad news, you can be straightforward, but also try to show support. Or if you have to criticize someone’s work, focus on their actions, and don’t blame their failures on them as a person. Show that you care about doing the work well, and give advice about what they could improve on.
Because people are so used to small talk to break the Ice, try not to skip it. If it really makes you uncomfortable and you feel like it’s a waste of time, keep it short. It can be still worth it to make time for some friendly chit-chat so that people warm up to you and further conversations will flow smoothly.
In a situation where your and someone else’s views differ, try not to get emotional or offend anyone. Imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes, and choose arguments in support of your opinion that could be relatable to the people you’re in the disagreement with. Sometimes it will not work out. But you have to at least try.
Another thing to keep in mind is that sometimes people just need to let their emotions out, even if it means looking weak by complaining and feeling sorry for themselves. Instead of criticizing them for doing so, try to show support and help them get back on their feet after a rough time. They’ll appreciate you for having their back. So in the situation where you could have alienated someone, you made a friend instead.