Do you constantly feel as though you have no control over situations or that other people are out to get you? Or do you fee, as though bad things keep happening to you no matter what you do? If you find yourself blaming other people for events or situations in your life, you may be struggling with what it known as a victim mentality.
People with a victim mentality feel as though the world is against them. You may feel as though everyone else is against you, your partner, your co-workers, or even your family and friends. Even though there might be things that you can help fix the situation, you don’t take responsibility for anything and feel as though everything is out of control.
In addition you might take things personally even when they are not directed at you. Have to ever asked yourself “What did I do to deserve this? Maybe you feel resentful all the time.
We have all went though a bad time on our lives or experienced trauma, but you had no coping strategies at the time and developed a negative viewpoint or a victim mindset. This led you to believe that life just happens to you and you have no responsibility for what happens in your life.
Even when people come along and try to offer you solutions. You probably come up with a list of reasons why those solution won’t work and leave those who offer help frustrated or not understanding what went wrong. If you’re like a was, or you know someone like this. It can be hard to understand what their thinking.
We might even question why people continue to behave this way. The truth is that there are probably some secondary benefits of refusing to change a victim mindset. Maybe their gaining sympathy or attention for your distress from what happened to you. Maybe their feeling relieved that others are offering you help or validation. Probably not wanting to feel vulnerable again, and it’s so much easier not to take risks.
What Is A Victim Mentality?
While a victim mentality is not a recognized diagnosable condition, it is a commonly accepted term and has some other alternate names such as victim syndrome or victim complex.
Example: My mother always made me feel inferior, and worthless which led to me believe I was a victim of circumstance that wasn’t even supposed to be born. I was so used to feeling like a victim it was very difficult not to feel like I was normal.
Those with a victim mentality hold three beliefs:
- Bad things have happened in the past and will continue to happen to you.
- Others are to blame for your misfortune.
- There is no point in trying to make a change because it will not work.
For people who hold a victim mentality, it seems like sinking into negativity is easier than trying to save yourself, and you may even force this mindset onto other people.
At its core, a victim mindset is rooted in trauma, distress, and pain most of the time. When you experience a traumatic situation, typically at the hands of other people, you may learn that you are helpless and that nothing you do in the future is going to make any difference.
This leads you to feel vulnerable and afraid, and in turn, you choose not to take responsibility or place blame on other people and make excuses even when there are actions you could take.
In childhood we often feel like victims because we have no control what people do to you. Then as a result in adulthood being a victim is ingrained into us. It makes it a hard road ahead of us. A difficult path to become responsible for our own lives and have a degree of control over what happens in going forward.
It seems like when other people try and help you, it’s common to retreat into self-pity mode and think that nothing will ever work.
It’s hard work to change but we must work toward a meaningful change.