To Hell And Back

Life is indeed, funny and unexpected.

Thinking back to when I was a little girl, I never dreamed of being , locked away in a closet, ignored, been, sexually molested, have 3of my brothers pass away from suspicious activity. Several suicide attempts, along with a emotionally neglecting marriage.

Thinking about it now, it’s hard to imagine everything I’ve been through. Through mental illness an alcoholic father. It seemed like the Devil was going to take me out at every turn. I was a small frame little girl with, no care, no love, and no friends.

Alone in the world from the get go. At the age of three, I spend 3 months in the hospital for malnutrition, and again at 5 from second degree burns on my body.

Thinking about it now, it’s seems like I’ve been fighting for survival all my life.

Through life’s many interventions, we experience chaos, mental wreckage, physical desertion, and are left with just this emptiness. It is when we’re at the end of our rope and we have nothing left to give.

Misery Loves Company.

When I was at my lowest, when I couldn’t take any more of my destructive behavior. It’s amazing I was able to save myself. I managed to fight my battles all alone, it seemed.

I know the pit of hell I was in.

I know how far I have come as a woman, daughter, wife, friend and human being.

I have fought through bitterness, hate, anger, desolation, depression, anxiety, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and so much more. I managed to learn how to be my own support system when I felt like no one else was on my side.

If your searching for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror. This is your life. So, you need to be the one to decide to take control of it. No one else will want to help you if you can’t help yourself. No, it will not happen overnight. It will likely feel like a every day battle, and for some, it is. That’s okay. When you wake up every day and choose you. Be your own cheerleader. You have to prove your worth to yourself, not anyone else. Never be ashamed of your story, because it will inspire others. Your life will inform in proportion to your courage.

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work for both is the exact same. So, it’s up to you which one you want to be. The quote “good things come to those who wait,“ is a bunch of crap. Good things come to those who work their butts off and never give up.

Everyone breaks down temporarily, but always pick yourself back up along with the pieces, rebuild, and come back stronger than ever.

I love the person I’ve become because I’ve fought like hell, and walked through hello become her.

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