Friendships are important – not only for our social wellness but also for our emotional, mental, and physical wellness and health. Being around good friends, we feel energized and happy but what if you have friends that are emotionally draining and your energy begins draining and spending time with them leaves you feeling exhausting and stressed out. Then it time to rethink your friendships.
All of us need an outlet, a comforting touch, or a shoulder to cry on when life deals us a challenging hand. Turning to friends and family for comfort seems like a good solution but many times, it can be one sided where one person only vents and the other only comforts.
If you’re the outlet, the shoulder others lean on, it can increase your Rick to develop second-hand anxiety. Helping people we care about, showing compassion, and empathy is good but when your friend’s stress and anxiety becomes your stress and anxiety, it can quickly leave you feeling emotionally and mentally exhausted.
Friend who drain your energy are people who are emotional wrecks almost all the time whenever they are in your company. Even if you aren’t face to face with then, these friends will still leave you feeling low on energy and exhausted.
Here are some signs you can look for to know if your friends are emotionally draining you or not:
- Your friendship leaves you feeling tired. One of the biggest signs of emotionally draining friends Is that whenever you’re on their company – after you leave then – you feel tired, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
- You regularly make sacrifices. You often make sacrifices to make sure they are happy, they rarely care about your happiness and needs.
- Your positive feelings towards them are gradually vanishing, Emotionally draining friends often make you feel anxious and irritated, which in turn, may cause the positive and happy feelings you once had for your friend to disappear with time,
- You censor your words around them. More often than not, with emotionally draining friends,Nyoman seem to censor your words, thoughts, and ideas. You are hesitant to open up about your feeling fearing their reaction.
- You can’t ask them for advice. As I mentioned earlier, friends who drain your energy are often emotional messes around you. With them constantly venting their problems, you never get an opportunity to ask them for advice or even their support.
- You don’t particularly enjoy talking to them. When talking to a friend leaves you low on energy, you feel hesitant to talk to them and even if you do, you don’t enjoy their company.
- Your friend rarely asks about you. While they constantly vent about the problems in their life to you, they rarely make any effort to know more about your life and health.
- Your friend is rarely there when you need them. When it comes to venting and asking for advice on problems, you’re always there for them but when you need support or their company, they are rarely there, if ever.
- Your friend uses guilt when you can’t be there for them. Emotionally draining friends will use manipulation, guilt, or the silent track to make you feel bad for not being there for them when they asked.
- Your friend loving being the center of attention. Talking to your friend is difficult because the want to be the center of attention and want to steer the conversation towards themselves. This makes you feel dissatisfied and tired.
Here are some effective and healthy ways to deal with emotionally draining friends, co-workers, or relatives:
One of the first thing you need to do is set some healthy boundaries. Limit the time you spend with them. If they have a habit of calling you late at night, let them know that while you’re there for them they need to set a time for when they can call you. I do not answer my phone after 8pm.
In the long run, boundaries matter for Maintain a healthy friendship.
Be Honest And Direct
Now that you’ve established your boundaries. It is time, to be honest, and direct with your friend. Communication is key here. Make your friend aware of you noun, of your limits. Most of the time, people are not even aware that they might be using you as a emotional dumping ground. Talk to them, be polite but firm.
Avoid Fixing Their Problems
Your friend needs to understand that while you’re there for them, you are not there to solve or fix problems in their life. You can comfort them, take them out to dinner, have coffee with them, but you cannot become their therapist. Offer them help but let them fix their problems on their own.
Offer Them An Alternative
If you can’t fix their problems, offer them an alternative. Explain to them how their emotional problems are affecting you and offer then sources, information, or suggest a professional who can help them to learn how to cope with their emotions and stress.
Remember, a friend does not equal a therapist.
Keep Your Distance
If it’s a close friend, this can be a little difficult. However, for your better mental and emotional health, distancing yourself from a friend that leaves you feeling exhausted and drained is important. Emotionally distancing yourself from someone you care about is hard but your mental peace is important.
Remember Your Peace matters.