Have you ever heard the cliche, “no bond is stringer that two people who hate the same person. It turns out that there is actually some truth to that. Despite having people being a socially unacceptable act, it seems that people thrive on hating people, things, opinions, skin color and anything else that can be thought about.
Research has shown that people form stronger bonds when they are able to talk about dislike toward someone else than when they both have positive feelings toward someone. The question is, why does an action as disrespectful as spewing negativity about other people increase hatful individual quantity and quality of connections?
The Fiery Emotions That Fuel Hatred
If you are a generally positive forgiving person, the concept of hating others, much less someone an you hardly know, is a foreign concept to you. I personally cannot understand why people say hateful, cruel, judgmental thing about anyone let alone people you barely know. How does anyone have a hate relationship with anyone based on a group of people based on a name.
It seems that hate emotions are common feelings that psychologically brings out the worst behaviors in some individuals and prompt them to say negative statements about another person or group.
Here are four primary reasons why people hate others:
People want a scapegoat
When you are struggling, whether it’s problems at work, low self-esteem, conflicts in relationships, it feel much better to funnel your negative energy into blaming someone else than to confront your own role in your problems. A lot of people hate groups while being supported by a group of people who share their beliefs and make them feel like they belong.
They’re lonely and seeking connections, even hatful ones
Many other people join hate groups because it fills their need for friendship and belonging. You don’t need to do or be anything special, all you have to do is hate and be negative towards other people. If feels easy, and people find it easier to make connections by putting others down or hurting people.
They Fear The Unknown
When someone note enters a group particularly if they are. A position of influence, many people immediately begin gossiping negative things about a person or group because they fear dynamics. Sharing hatred toward a person is away for the existing group to strengthen their bonds in the defensive against the outsider.
Their Insecurities get the best of them
Hatred surfaces when people are highly insecure. Often, they’ll compare them self’s to other people and when they come to the conclusion that the other person may be better than them or possess traits they don’t want to acknowledge they speak out against that person to project their anxiety onto them.
Understanding the Bonding Power off Hatred
Expressing hate for other people it’s controversial. We’re taught from a young age that you should only say nice things about other people, so when someone says something negative, it catches other people’s attention and draws them in. If people share negative opinions, it open the ability for people to form connections in three ways.
Hated defines social lines
Humans desire structure and certainty in their social lives. To establish that people naturally divide into groups (social circles where everyone feels like they belong with one another) and out groups (people who exist outside of social circles and are not typically welcomed). When people declare their dislike for others, it helps people understand boundaries between social circles. This is a powerful motivator for people to form because it satisfies their need to feel connected to others.
Mutual hate evoked stronger response than love (like)
In one study, people were shown a video of two people having a conversation in which the man is politely hitting on a woman. After being asked if they liked or dislikes the man, they were told they were going to meet people who shared their opinion of them and asked how likely they were going to get along with the person they meet. People who had a negative opinion of the man were far more likely to say they would get along with someone who shared their negative opinion than those who had a positive opinion.
Sharing hatred can be an expression of vulnerability
Research shows that to form lasting intimate bonds with people, you have to be. Vulnerable with them – that is you have to share your authentic unfiltered feelings. Instead of being negative toward another person because of the internal struggles described above, you may share that you hate someone for a valid, personal reason such as they hurt you or hurt someone or something you cared about. This instance is a moment of vulnerability because you are sharing a difficult experience which can lead to hate the other person on your behalf and bond with you.
Bonds of Hatred Come at a Cost
Though there are some bonding bento spewing negativity about other people, don’t try and use this tactic to make friends because it’s risks far out any good that comes from it. Beware of these potential consequences of speaking poorly about others.
To know if someone else dislikes the same person or group as you, one has to make the first move and say something negative. This can come at a serious cost of your reputation of people around you if they don’t agree with your negative opinions. Researchers discovered that when we hear someone talking about other people, we impose the content of what’s said onto the speaker. It’s a phenomenon called trait transference and to understand how it works, pretend you and I have met at a conference and are having a conversation like this:
You: What did you think of that last speaker?
Me: Ugh, I thought he was boring and dry, I had trouble keeping myself awake.
This can go one of two ways: If you also thought the speaker was boring,we would bond over our shared dislike of him. But, if you thought the speaker was interesting or deserved a decent review, you would hear my opinion and think that I am boring and dry because your brain would project my statements onto me. It might not be instantaneous or something you’re fully conscious of, but how you feel about me would decrease in response toward my negativity toward another person,
The Bottom Line
Given the risks, unless your hatred is founded in a socially acceptable ideological belief, comes from a personal experience of being hurt or could be otherwise justified by most people, it is best to keep it to yourself.
There is so much hatred in the world today, we have to ask ourselves what is the root cause of it. Is it someone else’s opinion? Is it the Media? It is something you experienced for yourself.
I try really hard to respect everyone opinion based on the root cause of the hatred. As you know I have been personally hurt in the past. And I spend many years as a hater of many things.
My advise is before you choose to hate someone, find out why they are that way. What is the truth. Do I hate them because someone else hates them or I heard they were a terrible person. Remember everyone has a story, every one has a heart that either loves it hates, everyone is capable of being hurt. And everyone bleeds the same color.
Hate no one, no matter how much they’ve wronged you. Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you become. Think positively, no matter how hard life is. Give much even if you’ve been given little. Forgive all, especially yourself. And never stop praying for the best for everyone.
Even if you choose to hate them.