People Can Change, But That Doesn’t Mean They Will

Most people agree: Everyone makes mistakes.

We might use this phrase to console all of the one who’s done something they regret or boost self compassion when you mess up your self.

Perhaps you add the reassurance “You’ll do better next time, orWelcome to use your experience to improve your future.

Yes, saying imply that people can change- And they absolutely can.

Anyone can make an effort to alter specific habits or behaviors. Even some aspects of attitude and personality and change over time with some dedicated effort.

Well people can change, not everyone does. How can you tell if someone ever really address certain behaviors? What factors make improvement more likely?

Change is complicated, and it doesn’t always happen the way we envision. The following reminders can help you maintain a realistic perspective about this process.

You Can’t Force Change

Simply telling someone you need to change usually doesn’t work.

Before someone can make lasting changes to a specific behavior or traits they have to really want to make those changes.

You can certainly offer encouragement and support or set an example of positive change, but you can’t control anyone’s else’s actions.

I used to volunteer to be a Facilitator for a group that taught people how to cope with difficult situations in their lives whether it was depression, anxiety or or just needed to have some encouragement in there daily lives.

One thing I learned very quick was who really wanted to change and who were just there for the attention. Some cameYou’re in her cope with their problems, and some came and walked being better than than when they first started the group.

While you may give people an ultimatum to inspire change. Sometimes it doesn’t always work. For example if you say to someone either stop drinking or I will leave. The ultimatum may seem like it will work they probably won’t commit to a lasting effort unless they truly care about the consequences.

Change Takes Time And Effort

If you’ve ever resolved to change something about yourself, you likely understand this decision is only the beginning.

After setting a goal such as “To stop showing up late,” you probably explored the reasons behind your frequent lateness:

  • Trouble getting up in the morning
  • Frequently misplacing your keys
  • A tendency to lose track of time

Once you have a cleared idea of what you could do differently, you probably tried to put your plan into action. Maybe you tried setting your morning alarm 15 minutes earlier or attached a key hook on the back of your door.

But even the best intentions don’t yield immediate improvement. You might need to experiment with different strategies to find one that really work.

When hoping for change from someone else, don’t expect overnight success. While encouraging them and praising their efforts can build up their determination to keep changing they don’t always do the thing they need to change.

Change Doesn’t Always Follow A Linear Path

Even someone with a sincere determination to change won’t always succeed the first time, or the second.It’s easy to slip back into old habits at first, sometimes without even realizing it.

It often helps to reconsider your strategy and explore other message for managing triggers before trying again.

That said, true commitment to change generally shows up and noticeable effort and progress.

Say your partner tease a you when ever you disagree.

After some discussion, they admit they do this to lighten up the mood because they don’t like conflict. When they realize it hurts you, they agree to stop. They succeed for a few months but eventually fall back into the habit.

Why’s Can Change

Various factors combine to make up personalities, values, and beliefs, and behavior. The biggest factors include genetic predisposition to certain traits, childhood environment and life experiences.

In the past, experts believed that personality traits tended to remain relatively fixed, once developed. More recent finding suggest personality can change through life, even into older adulthood.

In fact our personality seems to change mostly between the ages of 20-40 years old.

While it is possible people can work to address areas in their personality that they feel dissatisfied with, their are many people who seem to lie about how they have changed.

What About People Who Cheat Or Lie?

Many People wonder whether people who do hurtful things like lie cheat or manipulate can really change those behaviors.

Well in theory anyone stop doing something if they choose to do so. But the problem People who live in what prompted behavior and their willingness to address that emotional trigger.

Infidelity and lying happened for a number of reasons, If those underlying causes go unaaddress the behavior won’t change.

The same goes for manipulation. Many people learn to manipulate to get their needs met, this behavior can develop in childhood as a defense mechanism.

It’s often difficult Cute address in green strategy of coping and survival, but people can, and often do, learn new behaviors with support.

Considering broader behavior patterns can help. Someone who regrets their actions and expresses interest in growth may succeed at making changes.

But someone who insists they’ll change “this time” Yeah shows no remorse and makes no effort to do anything different. They may not be ready to address their behavior.

What Usually Can’t Change

While people are generally capable of change, there are some aspects that are less likely to change.

Core Personality Traits

While personality does continue to develop into childhood, core beliefs tend to remain relatively stable throughout life.

These traits known as the Big Five include:

  • Openness to experience
  • Consciousness
  • Extraversion
  • Agreeableness
  • Neuroticism

These key elements of personality tend to evolve in smaller ways instead of changing completely.

Someone who is fairly introverted in early adulthood, for example, probably won’t swing toward extraversion. Instead, they might work to become more social by seeking out and cultivating important relationships.

People who do not want to make changes in personality may find it most helpful to address beliefs as coping mechanisms associated with specific personality traits not as traits themselves.

Say you are fairly and already and have a tendency to procrastinate on projects and chores. When you notice the straight occasionally causes problems in your relationships, you make a greater effort to complete things on time and keep your living space more organized.

You didn’t really change your level of consciousness. Instead, You change your response, perhaps by reminding yourself to stay on task when you feel distracted or telling yourself your partner doesn’t want to see dirty laundry overflowing in the hamper.


Emotions and emotional responses may not change easily either. Even unpleasant or painful feelings can have a lot of significance, and it’s tough to turn off emotions. Even when you can you shouldn’t this can affect your well-being.

By acknowledging and accepting them instead, you can teach yourself to react in more helpful ways.

Mental Health Conditions

Similarly, You can’t entirely get rid of most in mental health conditions, whether that depression, anxiety, or a personality disorder. But you can improve your symptoms are seeking treatment and learning new ways to cope.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.