Do you ever hear about someone’s success and wonder how they got there? Do you sometimes feel like you’re on the outside looking in?
There’s a popular quote that says, It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think your not.
If you took the time to asked 5 of your friends for feedback on why you hold yourself back, they would probably have a different opinion.
For most of us, fulfillment and contentment are more available than we realize. But without first acknowledging the roadblocks within, we may wind up feeling like we’re just spinning our wheels.
Below are a few common obstacles culprits in feeling stuck, and how to handle them.
You Are Your Own Worst Enemy
Do you criticize yourself constantly? Stop it. It’s easier said than done though right?
The truth is, that thoughts, even unconscious ones, are not set in stone and can be changed. Keep a daily journal for at least two weeks, preferably in the morning when you first wake up and start to take notice how you speak to yourself.
Ask yourself, if you would speak to a small child the way you speak to yourself. Would that child then go running into the world to take on life’s challenges with courage and enthusiasm? Or would she/he sit in the corner wondering what’s the point of trying?
Once you can see for yourself how you berate and criticize yourself, you can start practicing more positive thoughts.
Are You A People Pleaser?
It’s not necessary to make sure everyone around you is happy all the time. In fact when you speak up for yourself and stay true to your needs, people will respect you for it that much more.
While many of us need to be liked, it’s also essential to understand that if you have if you have people-pleasing tendencies, you may feel you don’t deserve to live your life as you want to. If you’re a giver and not a taker, it may feel awkward at first to remind yourself that you deserve happiness and fulfillment.
Play with the idea on a smaller scale, like if your mean didn’t come out as you ordered it at a restaurant, let the server know, rather than eating something that was not prepared the way you ordered it. And then build yourself up to the bigger things like asking for a raise or promotion.
Are You Engaging In All–Or-Nothing Thinking?
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if one thing doesn’t go your way, that’s just how it’s going to be in every area of life. But that’s simply not true. We all encounter challenges in life, and sometimes they may seem insurmountable.
Think about the right now theory. Did you sleep through your alarm, or forget to grab lunch? Did you lose your wallet? Rather than assuming this is how your whole year is going to be, consider telling yourself that this is how it is right now, it will get better.
Take the phrase “This is how it is right now, it will not last that long” into any negative all-or-nothing thought so you can accept how things are in the moment, and still remind yourself that this moment m as every moment will pass.
Are You Putting Yourself Through Negative Thought Loops?
As you begin to take more notice of your negative thoughts see if you can pick out the repeat offender. Then ask yourself, “Who does this remind me of?” Once you begin to understand how you came to this way of thinking, you can start to make serious changes.
Are You Afraid Of Failure?
We’ve all felt it, no matter what level of success we’ve achieved. When you feel that fear coming on and it’s hindering you from the risks necessary for you to achieve your goals, try “reality testing” your fear. Play out the worst-case scenario in your head.
Often when you really look at what is the worst thing that can happen, you realize that yes, maybe you’ll lose a little money or time, or even worse, feel embarrassed or take a bruise to your ego. But you might also find that even in the worst-case scenario, you’ll not recover, but you’ll have learned about yourself, and be one step closer to fulfilling your dreams.