Waiting To Die

Does anyone else feel like they’re just waiting to die? I don’t mean feeling like to actively want to end your life, more that you just don’t care about anything anymore and wouldn’t be bothered at all if you died right now?

I’m not suicidal but I do feel like this sometimes. It’s like I care so little about everything, including dying, that I’ll just passively do nothing until my time is up. I wonder sometimes if more people feel like this than cate to admit.

I don’t want to sound like I’m ungrateful for all the blessings I have in my life, but I’m 55 and I don’t have much to live for. My children being grown and going on with their lives and careers, my husband just wants to sit in front of the television after he gets off work. I cook, I clean and that’s the basis for my life. I don’t have to worry for nothing, I have a home, food, a vehicle, in other countries I would be considered rich. But I know deep down there’s got to be something more.

We all need something to keep us going. In today’s society with so much happening it’s hard to find hope in anything. Everything changes, all things will pass. At the end of the day we have to be comfortable with ourselves.

Many people have settled for money, fame, pride, work, unjustified ethics or ideals. But where’s the balance? Right now I feel stuck.

I think the solution is to just get out of my comfort zone. I haven’t done that in a while. Time to try new things, get out there and explore and try some new experiences. Find a new passion, something that excites me.

I have to believe that sunshine is waiting on the other side of this.

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