Be A Thermostat, Not A Thermometer

Have you ever walked into a room full of people and felt its heaviness? We are easily influenced by the mood of those around us. It is usually not something we do consciously, we might hear someone using a tone of voice, or shifting their body language, and our brain notices it. I’m sure we’ve all walked into a room and felt weird vibes, something you can’t put you finger on, but it feels uncomfortable, there is something about the energy of the room -it was off,

I’ve been known to just walk out of the room, because of the way it felt. I’ve had those days when I just didn’t want to deal with it, I’ve learned it’s my gut instinct that keeps me safe.

It’s no surprise humans mirror each other. But we are also highly attuned to subtle cues like body language, tone, and intention which means our presence can shift the vibe. If we enter with calm confidence, a warm smile, or purposeful energy others often unconsciously mirror or respond to it.

Alternatively when we have had a “bad day” we tend to give off strange vibes and people pick up on that and pick up our vibes. Its actually a normal defense mechanism.

Noticing a pattern in these situations takes a lot of practice. But when you start paying attention to people’s patterns of behavior, like how they use words when they feel upset, or their body language. It’s like a kind of taking the emotional temperature of the room. But we can positively change the thermostat. Since humans mirror each other, we can intentionally change the energy in the room, instead of letting it change how we act or feel, we can change the thermostat to a more comfortable temperature.

We can use a calm tone and open body language to find out what people are feeling. For example, nodding at the pace the other person is talking helps the other person know you are tracking with them. Leaning into someone who’s speaking, too often when are uncomfortable they unconsciously back away. This sends a message that we are uncomfortable with the situation or giving off gives you want to get out of the situation. Be intentional about your tone of voice. Getting quiet when the other person gets louder can sometimes shift the mood or even add joy to your voice can reset the temperature in the room.

Sometimes it’s not what you say but the tone you say it in. I have a very kind family member, but her tone of voice can be cold and harsh which creates a “chilly” vibe making people feel uneasy, or disengaged. Tone conveys emotions like empathy or authority. People tend to judge trustworthiness and intent based on the tone of your voice. A clear tone can energize the room to make it feel “hot” or excited, while a hesitant or sarcastic tone might dampen enthusiasm leading to a “cooler” impression. Aligning our tone with the desired temperature. Your tone of voice is a key lever for changing the vibe it the room.

Changing your tone of voice as well as body language and framing your words can align the desired mood in a room.