From Pity to Praise

Life is always going to find ways to test our resolve. It’s reminiscent of Murphy’s Law, which essentially states that “what can go wrong, will go wrong.”

When things go wrong in life, they always seem to go wrong all at once. Very rarely are we forced to deal with just one problem, it’s usually a cascade of problems that all hit at the same time.

There is nothing we can do to change this, it just how life works. And while it seems cruel, there’s always a way to grow through what you go through to become victorious.

There are several ways that we can make the most of our struggles and come out stronger than before.

When we Realize there is always a reason for our pain, even though you might not know what it is, there is always growth to be found in a struggle.

Here are some actionable tips for unlocking the growth and using adversity to fuel a better you.

“You need dirt on you to develop. Because dirt ain’t just dirt. Dirt is fertilizer. Dirt is nutrients. Dirt give you the strength for your seed to push through…show me something that has grown into something beautiful that didn’t have any dirt on it.” -Steve Harvey

If we want to grow into the best version of ourselves, we will have to deal with life throwing some dirt on you. That dirt may come in many forms -getting laid off from work, going through a divorce, enduring a catastrophic failure, suffering a loss of a loved one…

Whatever dirt is being thrown on you right now, understand that it’s there for a reason. It’s not meant to break you, it’s there so you can learn, grow, and evolve into a better you.

#1 Accept Responsibility

The first step in changing your circumstances is taking total accountability for them,

I don’t know what your struggling with right now, but your probably doing something to make it worse.

Getting laid off from a job may not be your fault, but sitting on the couch and procrastinating isn’t going to help.

It may not be your fault that you lost a loved one, but drowning yourself in self-pity all day isn’t going to make things any better.

You may not be responsible for the behavior of a toxic person in your life, but you are sure responsible for continuing to give them second and third chances,

The bottom line is that at the source of any pain, there’s always something that you can do to make it better or worse.

You have a choice which direction you go. But before you even move forward you need to admit that your current pain is a reflection of the choices you’ve made. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m not where I want to be because of me not because of anyone else.

If you really want to grow through what your going through, start by admitting your part of your problem.

#2 Shift Your Mindset Around Stress

One of the most common mistakes that people make when enduring difficult times is they allow struggle to warp their perspective.

Research has shown that viewing stress As a helpful part of life led to better health, improved wellbeing and more productivity at work. But those who view stress in a negative light are less happy, less healthy, and not as productive as those who view stress as a motivator. Stress can be linked to meaning and fulfillment in life. If your going through a period of discomfort in your life don’t see it was something you need to run away from. It’s always better to face it head-on. And see it as a pathway to a meaningful life. How you view stress can either be a bless or a curse.

#3 Reflect On What You’re Avoiding Every Day

One of the best ways to grow through what you go through is by taking stock of the situations you are avoiding on a daily basis.

If you really think about your problems, you’ll realize that 90% of them can be solved.

For example if you’re unhappy with you social life, you’re probably avoiding attending gatherings that you get invited to, getting into interactions with people you don’t know, or not spending time in unfamiliar environments.

If your unhappy with the way you’re career is headed, try attending seminars or workshops to level up your knowledge. Meet with people that are too performers and learn from them. Or try completing those high priority items on your to do list.

At the core of our beings, we have a smart intuition that knows exactly what we need ti do to improve our situations. We just have to listen to it.

Any action that deviates from your identity creates internal resistance, which leads to a tug-of-war between who you are and who you want to be. While these moments come in different forms for everyone. For some it’s when the alarm clock goes off, for others it’s the moment right after you feel the urge that you should have done something. Mine is definitely the right-after moment. I tend to hesitate before making a choice and then think “On crap” I should have done that.

Whatever it is you’re avoiding on a daily basis, understand that if you keep running from these situations, you will never grow through what you go through,

The fact is we never get through life only doing what we feel like doing. If you want to get through the hard times, you must do what you don’t feel like doing, to succeed in life.

So, take a few minutes each day and ask yourself “What am I running from on a daily basis?” What is it that you tend to avoid, whether it’s out of stress, fear, uncertainty, or discomfort? Once you know this you will know what your focus needs to be on tomorrow and every day after that. Know that you’ll have to dive head-first into those painful, uncomfortable situations.

#4 Prioritize Small Wins And Build On Them

Starting by climbing out of the hole you’re in leads to incremental progress in the areas of your life causing you pain. You may be in a mental rut right now, you gonna need to lower the bar for the time being for what you think progress means.

Know that small progress isn’t small, it’s monumental. Because when you make progress, even in tiny ways, you experience natural motivation that pulls you toward the next levels of growth. Small wins are the foundation of many of the positive inhabited currently that are in your life.

If you’re trying to be more sociable, try talking to starters each day. As many of you know, I was not allowed to talk much when I was growing up. Because of this I was a social outcast. I started by just saying hello to people I saw in public. A small thing that led to a major improvement in my life. By practicing that small stuff it leads to huge stuff.

Small habits start with tiny seeds, little bursts of momentum that gently nudge you into your ideal self,

Commit to a target (no matter how small) and work in realistically achieve them, and then gradually raise that bar every day.

For example, let’s say that you really want to become more charismatic, but you’re struggling with social anxiety:

• Your first goal should be simply go somewhere where you have to encounter people.
• The second goal is to raise the bar and make eye contact and smile at 3 people.
• The next day start saying hello to 5 people a day for the next week.
• Once you start feeling comfortable with that take thing a step further and begin to give people compliments.

The idea is whatever you want to overcome, take small steps and then build on them each day until you feel comfortable enough to move on to bigger things. And before you know it you will be able to work on bigger and bigger goals.

Grow through what you go through, by not aiming for big things all at once, but by aiming for small things that stack up for big things as you build. Eventually, those small wins will compound and create an entirely different person. A better person.

#5 Turn Your Fears Into A Source of Growth

One of the most common ways that we get stuck in life is by listening to fear.

Fear is a tricky thing to deal with. It’s an incredibly powerful and primal emotion that’s designed to protect you from danger. It also tells you exactly what you need to do in order to fix your current situation.

“What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do.” – Tony Robbins

So what things are you afraid of right now? When you feel anxiety and fear bubbling up in you in your day-to-day life?

If you take a moment to reflect on this, you’ll probably identify some met moments throughout the day where your fear is preventing you from taking action.

I had this terrible fear that if I spoke to people, I would be attacked with down-grading words, and I would be judged as an awful human being. I know most people would see this as ridiculous. But, to me, it was something I experienced in my childhood. If my own family would do this to me, what would stop anyone else from doing it. Fear is a powerful thing, no matter how ridiculous it seems to anyone else.

Once you’ve identified those moments your next move is to start attacking those fears on a daily basis. But, done try to eradicate all your fears at once. Just start with the fear that’s holding you back the most, and apply the small wins principles above.

Gentle stretch your comfort zone by doing something that makes you slightly afraid, which will prove that what you’re avoiding isn’t that scary. Then stretch yourself a bit further the next day, and then keep repeating that cycle until you are comfortable with that fear.

As long as you step into fear every day even if it’s a baby step, eventually, you will see your growth in what you’re going through.

#6 Change Your Environment

Another one of the best ways to grow through what you go through is to alter your environment in ways that set you us for success. Environment shapes our behifar more than we realize. Sometimes we engage in certain behaviors because our environment prompts them, not because we actually want to.

If you’re trying to live a more interesting life, but the people you hang around never want to do anything fun, you might have to change the people you hang out with from time to time.

If you want to stop procrastinating, but you always have your TV on or your phone in front of you, then it’s going to be difficult to focus on things that need to get done.

The bottom line is your environment should make it easy for hot to get out of a rut, not harder.

Look at your life and think about how you can tilt the odd in your favor. Think about these small 1% alterations you can make that will facilitate forward progress.