From Pity to Praise

Many people whose lives seem to have spiraled out of control have no idea how to climb out of the pit of despair they find themselves in. They may feel that everything seem to go wrong and their situations get worse and worse. They lose their job, their marriage falls apart, and they may even lose their home, their children will be in depression, alcoholism or drug abuse. They may make a half-hearted attempt and when they don’t get the results they quit,and resign themselves to a life of strife and unhappiness,

Both positive words and negative words are powerful. In Matthew Jesus cursed the fig tree and it died. Have you ever heard that telling your plants positive things will help it grow. The same thing so for the negative things. If you tell yourself I will never amount to anything, you will never amount to anything. It’s how the universe is set up.

Don’t despair there is hope in turning your life around, it is possible, but you have to focus on the positive rather than the negative all the time.

1. Change the negative thoughts in your head.

If your like most people, you have a lot of negative tapes or thoughts that play over and over in your mind. Perhaps a teacher or a relative was critical and their comments have stayed stuck in your brain. Of you have failed to overcome certain obstacles in your life and now see yourself as a failure at everything.

All people are plagued by insecurities or doubts. Everyday I have to fight the thoughts in my head, I have to fight everything negative thing my mother said to me growing up. But we cannot dwell on them. Instead focus on your strengths and what you want to accomplish. Use empowering phrases such as I am safe, I can do this, I will change my life for the better, or when those thoughts come simply say “no”. We have the power to change our thought. Change the tapes in your mind to positive instead of negative.

2. Banish Naysayers

When you try to make positive changes in your life you will be upsetting the status quo. People who you thought were your friends may actively try to sabotage your efforts by telling you you’ll never make it. Mostly because you changing will not serve their needs. If someone is a doubting Debbie, you don’t need them in your life.

3. Surround yourself with inspirational people

There’s a saying the “birds of a feather stick together. The same applies to all types of people. Whether you’re a winner or a loser. Drug addicts like to associate with other drug addicts and dealers. The don’t buy drugs from each other and share paraphernalia.

Marathon runners associate with other runners. You join a gym where others train, and share fitness tips and gage their progress against their peers. If you want to turn your life around then seek out positive people who will inspire and motivate you. Do what ever it takes to cultivate new friendships and have a healthy support team.

4. Take Time To Breathe

Learning to meditate or breathing exercises or listening to inspirational music can help build a positive attitude, decrease stress and improve your mental acuity and give you hope to reframe your problems as manageable obstacles.

You can replace the negative tapes that play in your mind with positive ones. It may take a while. But the secret is repetition and consistency. I’ll never forget when someone told me, “I was allowed to change my thoughts.” We don’t have to keep believing those negative thoughts test are always running in our heads.

5. Set goals in writing

If you don’t have any goals to aspire to then you’re like a ship without a rudder. Directionless, glowing with the flow, at the mercy of others. If you want to turn your life around then you need to have some concrete goals and put them in writing gives them life. The simple act of putting pen to paper makes your goals real.

Use can use the SMART goal method:

• S – Specific
• M – Measurable
• A – Attainable
• R – Realistic
• T – Timely

Keep them in a binder or booklet and review them weekly. This will help keep you on track.

6. Visual reminders of goals

I write my goals on index cards and put them in every room so that every day I see it. For example if your goal is to buy a new car, you can cut out a picture of your dream car or all things you want to achieve. These reminders stimulate your brain and make you feel good, which inspires you and keeps you track.

7. Take care of your physical body

You need to take care of your body and your mind all your life. Fill your body with nutritious foods, Cut back on junk food. I hate cooking, and it’s so much easier to grab junk food. Every Saturday and Sunday I prepare meals for the week. Then I don’t have to cook during the week. Or you can make extra when you cook and put it in the freezer so when you don’t feel like cooking you can just put it in the microwave or heat it up to have a healthy meal.

8. Be grateful

It’s easy to become mired in all the things going wrong in your life or all the losses you’ve suffered. It only serves to depress your mood and keeps to stuck. Look how far you have come and what’s going well in your life. It may be as simple as remembering you have a roof over your head, food to eat and a bed to sleep in.

Be grateful for what you have in the here and now. It gives you a health perspective and opens the door for receiving more good in your life. It relieves stress, reduces depression, and reframes your thinking and opens the doors to possibly.

9. Pay it forward

Once your life turns around it will gather momentum. It may take time but if you follow the right steps things will improve. When they do you may want to think about paying it forward. If you see someone struggling like you have, share your story with them. Give them tips about how you improved your life circumstances. You can turn your life around and in doing so inspire others to do the same.

I’ve done plenty of head scratching things in my life – I’ve wasted many years on my poor choices, putting myself in awful situations, and missed many great opportunities. I didn’t know at the time, I didn’t think about the consequences of my actions.

Thankfully, those mistakes taught me plenty of powerful lessons that wouldn’t have learned otherwise, Sometimes, no matter what you think you know, life lessons don’t fully click until you actually experience the pain and emotions long enough. It’s like walking around the same mountain 1000, times and choosing to do it again until reality smacks you in the face.

The seven best life lessons I learned from some of the worst mistakes I’ve made I will share, but do me a favor: Avoid my blunders and learn from my mistakes. It will enhance your life tremendously I’m sure.

1. Don’t Wait Too Long To Leave

Many times in my life, I’ve wanted to quit, leave, or stop something I struggled with or disliked- but I stayed hoping that things would magically improve.

For example, I’ve stayed in a relationship that I was being abused, despite wanting to quit, and wake away. I hated being in the around them, but I kept thinking if I just tried harder, communicated better, they would treat me better. But it didn’t work.

If you’re stuck in situations that’s bringing you down you have to leave in order to move forward. Delaying or hoping things will improve is just denial in the form of optimism.

Do you really think it will improve or is it wishful thinking or an excuse for inaction? If you were confident in improvement, would you really be questioning things. Generally not. Are you better off then you were a year ago? If not things will not improve.

Looking back I’m glad I tried my best and didn’t quit after setbacks, but when my unhappiness worsened no matter what I tried, it was a sign it wasn’t right for me.

Our egos don’t like admitting we are wrong so it forces us to hang on. But to live a great life, learn to manage and put your ego aside. Stop letting it control you, and you’ll have the freedom to make the right decisions.

2. If Your Not Happy At Work Leave

I know sometimes people tell you “it’s a job and you need the money? There is nothing worse than getting up every day and going to a job that you hate. Don’t stay there, don’t think if I stay, I we be rewarded. I’m not saying to quit, but work earnestly to look for more options, while your working at your current job. There’s no need in staying thinking you’ll get rewarded for staying.

3. Say What Needs To Be Said

If there’s a problem, speak up as soon as possible. Things will not improve if you bite your tongue. If you keep things bottled up, the problem will only get worse, your resentment will rise, and eventually, you will explode at an inopportune and inappropriate way. Don’t think people know there’s a issue, the can’t possibly know unless you speak up.

If there’s something wrong at work open up a conversation with you boss. If there’s something wrong with your meal at a restaurant tell them, if someone tried to screw you over, put your foot down. Lately I’ve noticed that when I grocery shop, you have to watch what the cashier ringing up, and always look at your receipt before leaving the store. There can be price differences.

You have a right to speak up.

The only moments I regret in life are not saying the things that I needed to be said- I didn’t stand up for myself, confront people for their rude behaviors, or let people know how I felt. The reason I didn’t say anything was because I was afraid to have people think poorly of me or disapprove of me. You can stand up for yourself and still be polite.

Keep in mind: Saying something is not about being rude, or insulting; it’s simply about confronting a behavior in a firm, fair, and civil way. It’s about training the world how to treat you.

It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s worth it. After all, life will never be free of conflict so learning how to handle those situations can unlock a lot of benefits and more peace of mind.

3. Avoid Bad Advice

So much of the advice I got in life was skewed. Many people just project their one insecurities, fears, and prejudices on you that teaches you their warped reality.

The advice giver never does what you want to do, so how would they know? They pretend they know what your talking about and all their suggestions would work perfectly.

To get to where you want to be, be extremely selective of who you get advice from. Ask those who have done it or have coached many others to success. It wasn’t until I started and learning from the right people that I started getting the right feedback.

“Never ask advice of someone with whom you wouldn’t want to trade places.” – Darren Hardy

When getting advice, look beyond their external success, look inside. How’s their character? How do they view the world! Are they humble or conceited? If they don’t align with your values, take their advice with a grain of salt because it might lead you down the wrong path of success.

5. Failure Is Always Better Than Regret

In life, it’s not the things you do, but the things you don’t do you’ll regret the most. For example, there were countless chances I didn’t take because I was too afraid- who knows how it would have affected my life.

The sting of failure, is always better than the pain of regret. When I tried and failed, I still felt proud of my courage; but if I missed my chance, I would suffer much longer, which would lead to more frustration, self-doubt, and hesitation.

Once you internalize the lesson that the momentary pain of action I’d far better than the enduring pain of inaction, your success will sour.

“Courage is being scared to death, but doing it anyway,” – John Wayne

Learn to make your move even when you’re terrified. Push yourself during these moments, remind yourself of who you want to be and what you want to accomplish. Then, put yourself in the shoes of your future self and act in a way that will make that person proud.

6. Learn To Say “No”

I’ve trapped myself in so many frustrating situations because I was too scared to say ‘no.” For example, when Som wanted me to do something- either politely or imposingly – I just said “yes” to be nice and avoid hurting their feelings. (Or so I thought).

Unfortunately, it ended up being a pain in butt and made me resentful, but in reality, it was my fault for agreeing in the first place.

Ultimately, the real reason I didn’t decline was the same I didn’t stand up for myself; I had low self-esteem and was afraid of what people would think of me.

7. Do Damage Control

When your life seems to fall apart, it’s easy to get upset and frustrated about how terrible things are. But in those moments, the most important thing you can do is damage control.

Damage control means taking action to limit the damaging effects of an accident or situation. It means taking a few minutes to calm yourself and then doing something to prevent things from getting worse or eventually turn things around.

Many times I made a mistake, but because of my anger, frustration, self-pity, or guilt. I lost my focus and ended up making a lot more subsequent mistakes.

That’s why damage control is so valuable, not only do you minimize the consequences of your situation m but you also empower yourself and focus on creating solutions instead of dwelling on problems.

If you have a health issue, take action, rest, hydrate, eat healthier, cancel all planned activities, so it doesn’t get worse. If you absolutely must go to work, try to find ways to prevent spreading it. Anti-bacterial soups or gel or wipes. Don’t leave anything around that other people have to touch.

Focus on the best thing you can do at that moment and you will turn things around faster than you imagine.