Your Shadow Side And Guide To Shadow Work

In psychology, the shadow is defined as either an unconscious aspect of the personality that the conscious ego does not identify in itself the entirety of the subconscious.

For many people, the term “shadow” brings up all kinds of negative and dark associations. Because of this, it is easy to assume that show work is a dark spiritual practice that involves the negative and sinister aspects of our personality.

Our shadow is dark because we are made of both light and dark aspects. But it is part of who we are and we can’t be afraid of ourselves.

Psychologist Carl Jung described the shadow as the unconscious and disowned parts of our personalities that our ego fails to see, acknowledge, and accept. It is any aspect of ourselves that is not exposed to the light of our consciousness.

As children, we are born whole and complete, but that wholeness is short-lived. The shadow is born in our childhood as a byproduct of certain interactions we had with the people closest to us. Our caretakers make us believe that certain aspects of ourselves are good and others are not. The aspects that are seen as bad are rejected and, consequently, form the shadow.

How The Shadow Affects You

When we depend on our caregivers (parents) for survival, we suppress the aspects that are disapproved, and we exaggerate the aspects that are approved.

For Example:

Imagine a child who is very much in touch with his feeling. They are sensitive and emotional. Something happens, and they get mad and cries. In response, a parent says Stop crying like that, we don’t cry in this family!”

The parent believes crying is bad, so they suppress the childs emotions. As a result, the latter pushes this sensitive side into the shadows and they begin “acting tough.”

As an adult, they have trouble feeling things and will not show their emotions even if it’s required. Because of that, they stuggle in their relationships, and never allow their emotions to be fully seen.

The shadow grows every time we suppress something.

This can happen to children who are angry about something and starts throwing a tantrum. Immediately, their parents tell them to “stop it!stop being so bad!” Every time the child gets angry the parent repeats the same thing: stop it and be good.

“It must be bad to be angry,” the child thinks. “I have to try very hard not to get angry.” With time, they disassociated from their anger – but that doesn’t make it disappear.

The child grows up believing they always have to “have it together.” Later on, they realize they have trouble at work because people push their buttons. Often, they feel like exploding and they don’t know what to do. Then they realize the anger was there all the time, coming up in passive-aggressive ways and causing issues in their lives.

The Role Of The Subconscious Mind

We can call the subconscious mind the shadow because we cannot see it clearly and we are not aware of it. The conscious mind we can compare to the light because we can see it clearly and are aware of it.

Everything we reject goes into our subconscious minds, the unacceptable and unwanted bits.

The minute we say something about us is “bad” we have a reason to suppress, ignore, and deny it. Even though the shadow is unseen, it affects everything we do.

When we deny an aspect of ourselves it doesn’t disappear. It just fades away from our conscious awareness. The shadow – with a life of its own – can affect our actions and life experiences heavily if we don’t pay attention to it,

The Shadow Is The Reason We Do Certain Things In Life Without Understanding Why We Do It.

We become adults and feel we should be able to handle life better, yet we keep falling into the same unhealthy patterns. That’s because the shadow operates outside of our conscious awareness, in the form of unconscious and limiting beliefs.

The Shadow Isn’t Just Negative And Dark

The Shadow contains so much potential, gifts, and talents that have been unearthed yet. Great things may end up in the shadow too.

Let’s say that a girl is born with a strong sense of self. She knows who she is; she knows what she likes and doesn’t like; she asks for what she wants and she for sure isn’t afraid to speak her mind! She is a strong little girl, but she is raised in a family that constantly tells her to “tone it down” because it’s “too much.”

The parts of her that are strong and confident are rejected, so she rejects those aspects of herself.

She grows up to be quiet, sweet, and obedient. But she doesn’t understand why her life is so painful. The truth is, she suppressed some important aspects of herself and therefore feels divided. She has a shadow side she doesn’t quite know how to bring to the light.

The reason positive aspects are contained in the shadow is that we are afraid of what people will think or react when we bring it to light.

Dissociation From Parts Of The Self Creates A Split

The shadow is an inner fragmentation that occurs within you. It almost like two different people are operating your life.

Have you even eat the most gentle, sweetest, and kind person, and in the blink of a eye something happens, and this person turns into someone else? They become mean and scary; they throw the biggest tantrum or freak out.

How did this sweet person turn into a crazy psycho?

It’s because they have two parts of themselves operating their life and the shadow part took over when they were triggered. We often underestimate the shadow, thinking it has no power over us. But that’s wrong. The shadow is very powerful.

I have a friend that is sweet and kind and would do anything for anyone. But, when something triggers her, no-one wants to be near her. she’s like a volcano going off. I’ve learned to notice her eyes, because her eyes tell me when something bad will happen. I can usually diffuse the situation if I have enough warning.

It can turn your,use upside down and destroy to most cherished relationships.

Every Time You Act Out Your Shadow, It Grows Bigger And Bigger As You Repress And Repress

How To Spot The Shadow Within You

Separation and division are not the natural states of anything. Integration and wholeness are natural for humans and because of this,the subconscious will continually try to get your attention to integrate what’s there.

It’s difficult to spot your shadow, especially if you’ve suppress a part of yourself into the unconscious.

There Are Three Ways To Spit Your Shadow Side In Action

1. Projection

Many people project their issues onto others. When they dislike something in themselves, they point it out in others. We often project our shadows – our repressed anger, guilt, shame, and other things we don’t like about our – onto others. We lash out at people for the behaviors we don’t like in our yard.

Pay close attention to how you project yourself into the outside world. Because the people, places and things become a mirror and reflect who we really are.

2. Triggers

A trigger is a reminder of past trauma. The surface events that cause conflicts in our lives are not just triggers – they are messenger that enable us to become conscious of something that it buried deep within us.

Pay close attention to your triggers because they can show you your wounds and your shadow self easily. Try to catch your emotional triggers before you act out, not after.

3. Patterns

Repeating patterns in our lives point us to aspects of our shadow. Patterns are expressions of our shadow because the shadow mirrors itself into our reality to be seen and integrated.

Our shadows want us to become aware of it. It wants to be seen and accepted. Within these patterns, you will find aspects of your shadow self that will keep showing up in different situations until you are ready to look at them and break the cycle.

Why We Resist Shadow Work

The shadow is a weird, controversial subject.

While many spiritual teachers, life coaches, and psychologists love shadow work and feel it can improve a person’s life, others believe it’s not that beneficial. They believe test if you go looking for dark things, all you will find is… more dark things.

But I believe it’s great to just focus on the light, it doesn’t make the dark go away. The dark is just on the other side, waiting for a time to show its face. And when it does, you may not be expecting it at all.

I had so many repressed experiences in my life. I couldn’t have even began to heal from my past, it was then and only then that I began to be at peace with myself.

It’s better to go looking so you can make peace with your shadow once and for all. If you are worried about easy you might find, there is probably something important you don’t want to revisit. Instead of continuing to avoid it, you can see it as one more reason to do shadow work.

This Work Is Necessary If You Want To Learn And Improve Your Life. And The Truth Is, No One Else Can Do It For You

Shadow work isn’t a huge thing that requires years of planning. Shadow work is simply becoming aware of what’s hidden and gradually healing those aspects of yourself.

Warning:

If you decide to start shadow worn, you may feel the way you felt as a child when you were forced to suppress those emotions. But once you overcome it. It may open your eyes to a whole new side of you that you never knew existed.

Here is a guide to help you transcend the darker aspects of yourself:

How To Integrate The Shadow

Shadow work is nothing but to make the unconscious conscious and the unacceptable – acceptable. That’s all you are trying to accomplish.

The goal of shadow work is integration. The integration of the unconscious leads to complete and total awareness. To do shadow work is to bring your shadow closer to you. It is part of who you are.

The goal here is to bring your shadow into the light or to shine light onto the shadow. The more you shine a light on your shadow, the smaller it gets

Here are some ways to begin your shadow work.

1. Review Your Childhood

Ask Yourself:

“Was I completely accepted as a child?How did I feel most of the time? What was expected of me and what behaviors and emotions were judged by my family?”

Those behaviors that were judged created some sort of shadow aspect within you. Once you find the answers to these questions, they will lead you to see the shadow aspects of yourself.

The shadow usually has its root in your childhood.

2. Become Aware Of Your Shadow

We are unaware of the shadow in the same way we can’t see in the darkness. To become aware of something, you have to choose to see it. Once you see those rejected aspects of yourself m reflect on them.

Are they positive or negative? If you find something negative, make peace with it and release it from the shadow. If it’s a positive aspect, reunite with in and call its power back.

Becoming aware is similar to seeing something that is suddenly illuminated by light. The most important step in doing shadow work is to become aware of it.

Shine a light on it or bring it out of the darkness

3. Don’t Shame The Shadow

Once you become aware of your shadow self don’t shame or blame it. Instead give it your love, compassion, and acceptance.

Your shadow was born from non-acceptance and rejection in the first place. It was created the moment you began to push it away. Antagonizing the shadow even more only adds fuel to the fire. The shadow is part of who you are, so look at it from a place of love.

Love your shadow for all it is.

4. Use Your Triggers

Triggers are messengers and an Invitation to delve deeper into unconscious things. The messengers are the events that cause an extreme emotional reaction within you. Naming triggers as such changes them and decreases the effect they have on you,

It allows you to step back from your emotional reaction and observe it instead of living it.

Triggers Are Reflections Of Deep Unresolved Wounds. They Come To Open Your Eyes To Things That Are Suppressed

5. Observe Without Judgement

One of the biggest mistakes you can make with shadow work is to judge the shadow once you spot it. If you let the harsh inner critic come up and judge the shadow, you are rejecting it all over again and therefore make it bigger and stronger,

Shadow Work Is The Highest Form Of Light Work You Can Do, On Your Own

Make Peace With Your Shadow So You Can Find Peace

Shadow work is a great way to experience inner healing and transformation, and all it takes is self-awareness.

Every person on earth has gone through a difficult time in their life that created shadows within them. The good news is the entire universe is on our side trying to he,o us become while again. Every action of the universe is headed in the direction of growth and expansion,

We are provided with abundant opportunities to confront our shadow selves so that we can finally be free of them. It doesn’t matter how long you avoid looking at your shadow self. It will keep manifesting into your reality until you pay attention to it.

The self that is fractured seems to become unified, and we will be presented with opportunities to see the aspects of ourselves we have suppressed, rejected, denied, and disowned.

The more we become aware of our shadow self and accept it, the more embodied we are as a conscious being and the more agency we have over ourselves and our lives.

Just a tip: if you pray or talk to God, It’s a good way to unload some of the burden that comes with shadow work.

How To Spot Manipulation Tactics

Manipulative tendencies can surface in any relationship. Knowing what to look for can help you avoid them.

Manipulation can happen to anyone in all kinds of relationships, from friends and romantic partnerships to parents and family relationships. Even work colleagues and bosses might have manipulative tendencies.

Yet, manipulation can be hard to recognize.

Manipulation can sometimes be so subtle and effective, that you may wind up questioning your perception of the situation, rather than the other person’s actions or motives. Gaslighting can make discerning manipulative tactics especially difficult.

But by learning what to look for, you may be able to protect yourself from manipulation tactics before they start.

Spotting Common Manipulation Tactics

Manipulative people often use common manipulation tactics and behaviors to get what they want. Here’s what to look for:

1. Guilt Tripping. It’s when someone tries to make you feel responsible or guilty of your actions or decisions. Guilt trips often involve using something one person did for the other as “leverage” to get what they want.

Some examples might be:

  • “If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten through college. You owe me.”
  • “Im the one working all the time, while you are just spending time doing nothing. I deserve this expense.”
  • If you can’t come over, then I might as well not invite anyone else over. There’s no point then.”

Lying

People with manipulative tendencies often lie to try to control or coerce others, as well as avoid blame or consequences for their actions.

For example, a teenager who’s been told they are not allowed to hang out with a particular group might lie about their whereabouts. Or, they may lie to the other parent about being permitted to go out with their friends.

“If one parent doesn’t check in with the other parent, the teen may be permitted to go with those friends.

Flattery

It can be hard to tell the difference between a compliment and flattery.

A compliment is given to sincerely point out something positive with no expectation of gain. But flattery is often used disingenuously as a tool to gain emotional leverage. With flattery, there’s often an expectation of getting something in return.

For instance, someone who wants a raise or promotion might regularly praise there manager’s strengths and accomplishments.

Projection

Projection happens when one person claims an emotion they’re feeling – such as jealousy that is actually being experienced by someone else.

For example, a person with manipulative tendencies might cause tension and frame, but blame so won’t else for creating that energy. Projection aids a person who manipulates in dodging responsibility for their actions and helps them avoid changing their behaviors. But, it can also erode your trusting your own reality.

If you think you might be projecting pause and ask yourself “Is this my stuff or their stuff?” This can help disrupt projection.

“Its really important that we don’t project our values onto a manipulator, because that just sets us up for a lot of disappointment and frustration.

Moving The Goalposts

Sometimes no matter how much you show up for someone who manipulates, they will change the expectations at the last minute to keep you constantly running toward their goalposts.

Someone who moves the goalposts can set you up for frustration and exhaustion.

With manipulative people you’re never going to actually reach those goalposts, and your efforts and success won’t be acknowledged if you do.

Believing in yourself, recognizing your own needs, and disengaging can be helpful for avoiding feelings of demoralization.

Working to understand your personal values, goals, and standards to feel like you met your own expectations.

Remind yourself that you’re just a human being, doing the best you can, and that is enough.

Triangulation

Triangulation can take on many forms, but often happens when a third person is brought into your communication, instead of keeping the issue between the two people it impacts.

For example, a manipulator might involve your mother in a disagreement to take their side against you. “Now, all of the sudden, you’re disagreeing with two people and the odds are not in your favor.”

Becoming aware of triangulation can help spot it. Try to disengage with “triangles” whenever they come up unfair.

This means you’re going to have to set and stick to some firm boundaries, but remember that boundaries are not meant to control people in a relationship with them in a healthy way. “Boundaries are not heartless, they’re actually really healthy.”

Love Bombing

Love bombing is manipulation through excessive attention, often showering you inappropriately with gifts compliments, affection and time.

These things may feel wonderful, which can be confusing. However, love bombing is when this feels enrapturing, it takes all your attention, and is excessive.

It might feel great a first but it usually leaves you isolated and makes you lose sight of who you are. Once you’ve been “swept away,” this attention might stop, and will leave you feeling like you’re seeking it out or chasing it down again,

If you’ve already experienced love bombing and are on the other side, give yourself the patience and work to forgive yourself. “You’re not blind.” A manipulative person took advantage of your normal human nature to want to feel loved and cherished.

Some ways to avoid love bombing include:

  • Regularly spending time with friends and family.
  • Engaging in your own interests outside of this person.
  • Check in with yourself often to ensure that you’re aligned with your values and standards.

Worshiping Through Tough Times

Worship is not something believers are called to do so God can reinforce His status. On the contrary, it is His way of calling us near. At times, when we are grieving, it can feel as though worship is the last discipline we want to engage with. However, learning the discipline of practicing worship and pursuing God’s presence , no matter what our present circumstance, is one of the most helpful practices we can cultivate in our daily lives.

In Philippians 4:4-7, God promises us peace that surpasses all knowledge and understanding; “And the peace of God, the transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.“

Before the Apostle Paul leads us to this promise though, we are first given a command and instruction: it is the key that unlocks our peace and causes us to intentionally seek joy: “Rejoice!” Worship will never erase our hurts and pain nor will it eradicate our grief in times of trouble, but it will transform it into unexplainable peace. A deep peace we could not receive or find at any other time in our lives.

Of Course, because we live in a fallen world, things that are beyond our control will happen in our everyday lives. Yet we can be equipped and empowered with the truth that protects and covers our hearts, mind and strength. When we intentionally choose to do this, our words become a form of comfort to our weary, and anxious hearts.

What if we, took Pauls’s instruction literally, and applied it practically to our lives? What if today we decided not to be riddled with anxiety and fear, but instead chose to rejoice? We can hand our troubles, anxieties and situations over to God who cares for us, who knows us deeply, and loves us unconditionally.

What if we choose to rejoice in the one who knows us by name, and who has called us because He is faithful? He will protect, provide and empower us by His Holy Spirit. Even if our feelings tell us that God has abandoned us, and we listen to our feelings of despair and devastation. By God’s grace we can choose to worship Him spirit and truth, no matter what life throws our way.

Philippians 4:4-7

Tips For Surviving A Wilderness Experience

There are times in our lives when we find ourselves in a barren desert place. We don’t feel like we are doing anything worthwhile in ou lives. Everything seems stagnant.

Perhaps we’re unemployed, feeling that we have no purpose, we lack close friendships, or an inability to have children (if we want them), illness, unanswered prayers to name a few.

It may be our turn in the wilderness and we feel withdrawn from everything in our lives. During these times we can feel completely alone.

Here are a few tips to obtain some form of sanity:

Don’t Complain or Grumble

It’s easy not to feel thankful about our situations when we cannot see a way out of it.

If you are familiar with the account in the Bible about the Israelites in the desert. They complained continuously and that had a detrimental effect on them, although it probably revealed a lot about the state of their hearts. They ended up wandering around in the wilderness for 40-years, when in fact it should have been a relatively short journey.

Complaining and constant grumbling about your situation is a sign of a lack of faith in God’s eyes. Especially when we can worship Him instead.

We should lift up our situation to God and trust His ability to do what’s best for us. We can pray about our situations without complaining about them.

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.“

When you begin to phrases like “I hate my life” or I’ll never get out of this mess,” that colors our own perspective on everything. Soon your words will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You begin to hate every aspect of your life and find that in every aspect you are failing. Similarly complaining about God and making pronouncements about Him such as “you never bless me – you always bless someone else” can erode our own relationship with God and our sense of trust in Him.

Complaining also retires our brain so that you actually end up feeling worse as you internalize these words. It can become a habit which fills our minds with toxic thoughts.

Be Thankful

This is the opposite of the above. When we speak out or make positive affirmations even if we don’t believe them at first we begin to revitalize our faith.

When you feel you are lost in a wilderness situation with no hope, we need to give praise and thanksgiving to God. Remember these are not idle words they become life words. Speak these out loud as often as you can and they will have powerful effect on your situation.

Keep Looking Up

In Exodus 13: 21-22, The Lord went ahead of the Israelites in the clouds to guide them on their way and by night with a pillar of fire to give them light. They never left the place of the people. God will never,rave us or forsake us if we trust in Him. If we keep looking up, we will be guided.

If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within you’ll be depressed. If you look to God, you’ll be at rest.

If we stop looking up for God to guide us, we will be unable to see where we are going. We will wander about in darkness and get lost. We’ll forget that God is nearby and ahead of us leading us through our wilderness (through the desert places).

Don’t Make The Thing You Lack Into An Idol

When our prayers go unanswered and God doesn’t seem to grant the very thing we want, it’s easy to become completely focused on the very thing we lack to the point of obsession.

Our desire or need night be perfectly legitimate, like having the job we want, or a relationship.

The Spiritual definition of an Idol is:

Something we cannot live without… It is anything more important than God, anything that absorbs your heart and imagination more than God, anything you seek to give you what only God can give. A counterfeit god is anything so central and essential to your life that,should you lose it, your life would feel hardly worth living.

In Exodus 17 and Numbers 11:4-6, the Israelites began to hunger after another kind of food to the point they were obsessed with it. They were even willing to sacrifice their freedom in order to return to Egypt to eat anything but the manna which God provided for them each day. They allowed their desire for something other than God Himself to cloud their judgement and to become all consuming test they couldn’t live without it. In effect, they had made this into an idol.

In Exodus 32 the Israelites asked Aaron to fashion them a physical idol, which took the form of a golden calf and they began to worship themselves and to declare that this had brought them out of Egypt.

God is the only one who can meet our deepest needs. Don’t allow your identity to be based on the thing you lack.

If we look to some created thing to give us the meaning, hope, and happiness that only God Himself can give, it will eventually fail to deliver and is sure to break our hearts.

It’s very easy for something that seems perfectly legitimate to become the thing that gives our lives meaning or makes us who we are.

We may feel that our work or our relationships define us. However, if it Christ in who we find our identity.