Ways To Keep Your Personal Boundaries

Boundaries can be defined as the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior towards us. The ability to know our boundaries generally sines fro. A healthy sense of self-worth, or valuing yourself in a way that is not contingent on other people or the feeling they have toward you. Unlike self-esteem, self-worth in finding intrinsic value in who you are, so that you can be aware of your:

  • Intellectual worth and boundaries. You are entitled to your own thoughts and opinions, as are others.
  • Emotional worth and boundaries. You are entitled to you own feelings to a given situation, as are others.
  • Physical worth and boundaries. You are entitled to your space, however wide it may be, as are others.
  • Social worth and boundaries. You are entitled to your own friends and to pursuing your own social activities, as are others.
  • Spiritual worth and boundaries. You are entitled to your own spiritual beliefs, as are others.

Knowing our boundaries and setting them are two very different hurdles to overcome. Setting boundaries does not always come easily. It’s often a skill that needs to be learned. According to Albert Bandura much of human social learning comes from modeling behavior, so if we do not have adequate role models whose behavior we can encode through observation and later imitate, we are at a loss, often left fumbling and frustrated.

To start setting your boundaries straight try these things.

1 Know your limits. Clearly define what your intellectual, emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries are with strangers, work colleagues, friends, family, and perverse. Examine past experiences where you felt discomfort, anger, resentment, or frustration with an individual. It may have been because your limits had been crossed. Create a boundary chart which outlines each boundary for each relationship category and fill it in with boundary criteria you feel comfortable and safe with. “Like I don’t feel comfortable when work colleagues ask me about my childhood.“

By creating this sort of template you have a benchmark to assess when someone oversteps your boundaries. Your boundary criteria will evolve over time, so be sure to continually update your chart with your growing experience and resulting needs. After awhile you will not longer need this template. It will be in your long term memory.

2. Be assertive. Creating and starting boundaries is great but it’s the follow through that counts. The only way to truly alert others that, you boundaries have been crossed is to be direct with them. Being assertive, particularly if you are unaccustomed to doing so can be scary. So start small with something manageable and build up your assertive skill to larger tasks. I started being assertive with my partner with something very small. And something that might be silly to someone else. My partner would get home from work just as I was bringing in groceries from the car. He would walk right by me and not help bring anything in. It actually made me so mad. I would think of revenge. But, once I told him what I expected. He started doing it. In my mind it stupid to walk by someone and not help them. But, in his mind he thought I wasn’t a big deal.

Then work yourself to larger tasks like:

  • Did the waitress get your order wrong? Ask her for what you actually ordered.
  • Did the cashier over charge you? Ask for a correction to bo made.
  • Are unwanted romantic suiters messaging you? Explain that you are not interested and would appreciate it is he or she stops.
  • Is a distant cousin intruding on your dating life? Say you’d rather talk about something else.
  • Is a work colleague pushing his or her work on you! Remind them that it isn’t within your scope, you are busy with your own work, and direct them to someone who will be of better service.
  • Did a friend do something yo hurt you? Ask then to set you for lunch and explain why their words or actions hurt you.

3. Practice makes perfect. When you first start acting assertively, if it is a departure from your habitual state, you made be afraid that others will perceive you as mean or rude. But affirming your boundaries means that you value yourself, your needs, and your feelings, more than the thoughts and opinions of others. Being assertive does not mean that you are unkind, it only means that you are being fair and honest with them by maintaining your peace, dignity and self-respect.

After all, not informing someone that they have crossed a line to resentment on your end and confusion on theirs. The only way to set better boundaries is by practicing how to tell someone that they’ve crossed yours.

4. if all else fails, delete and ignore. Voice your boundaries first, then follow with action. As long as you have tied up loose ends and given family members, friends, and partners or whoever it may be closure from any promises you may have made, you no longer own them anything. If you have asserted yourself and made it clear to another person that he or she is not respecting your boundaries, it is okay to ignore correspondence from that point forward. Remind yourself of your own worth, and then no one has the right to make to feel uncomfortable or take your self-defined space away from you.

I Never Knew You

It’s popular today to promote Jesus as a gentle and mild mannered, but Jesus issued sharp rebukes and serious warnings. His statement in Matthew 7:24 is one of the scariest passages in the Bible. When Jesus said, “Depart from me, I never knew you,” he wasn’t referring to non believers, but to those who were considered the ‘good guys.’ Theologians who adhered to Jewish law. What did Jesus mean when He said, “I never knew you;” and how are those words significant for the church today?

What Did Jesus Mean by ‘Depart From Me, I Never Knew You’?

The word know in Matthew 7:24 is not mere intellectual knowledge, like knowing a fact. Rather it is specific knowledge about relationship. The word ginosko means to come to know, recognize or perceive in Matthew 7, Jesus takes this word deeper. Some believers did not perceive Jesus correctly, and they didn’t know their own sinful hearts. They wanted to be with Jesus, but they weren’t willing to surrender their lives to Him. They did not know Him at the deep spiritual levek of salvation- and Jesus knew this.

Let’s look at the context of the verse. Earlier in Matthew 5:7, Jesus preached a sermon t the curious throng crowding around Him, We call the “Sermon on the Mount.’ He opens with the often quoted “blessed are statements (5:12; and then the “light’ and “salt” truths (5:13-16). Throughout the rest of the chapter 5 and into the first part of character 7, Jesus explained why He had come and shared some principles that challenged the crowds thinking about Kingdom Living. His words no doubt made many uncomfortable.

When people consider their eternal destiny, many do not want to think about judgement or hell, but God does not blindside people. He gives plenty of warnings about trusting in anything other than His plan to redeem us from sin. We see this in Matthew 7:15-20 where Jesus warns about false prophets. Their impressive works and words were not rooted in true godliness because they did not really know God. To illustrate, He compared two kinds of trees that bear bad fruit. In verse 20, Jesus said, “Thus, by their fruit you will recognize the.” That is the context of verses 21-24. Some people seem to bear good fruit, but a closer look reveals that the fruit is bad because it comes from a bad tree. God sees beyond external “fruit’ to the reality of our “roots” what has transpired in our heart.

Just as in verse 19 – where the trees that do not bear good fruit are “cut down and thrown into the fire”- in verse 23 Jesus says, “Away from me, you evildoers!” Other versions of the Bible say, “depart from me.” Jesus referred to a specific group of people He “never knew’ in a relational way, people who would not enter His Kingdom,

Who Are The People Jesus Doesn’t Know?

Jesus defined those He knew- true members of the family of faith – as those who understood and did God’s will. Conversely, He didn’t know relationally, people who refuse to obey God’s will. Jesus criticized the Jewish Pharisees and scribes for their hypocrisy and wicked perversion of God’s Word. He condemned their holier-than-thou ways. As He spoke about the when He addressed the gathered crowd. His words likely pricked many hearts, making them wonder, “Am Is hypocrite too?” Jesus had nothing in common with these Jewish leaders. They couldn’t understand His words or ways. While the Pharisee sanctimoniously thanks God that He is better than other people, the true God-seeker repents and cries out, “God, be merciful to me,a sinner” (Luke 18:9-14).

God, through Isaiah,described hypocrites this way:”The Lord says, ‘These people come near me with their mouths and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught” (Isaiah 29:13).

In His omniscience, Jesus knew the hypocrites hearts were self-righteous and filled with sin. It is important to understand that Jesus wasn’t saying “depart from me’ in order to break off an established but sinful relationship. Jesus had no relationship with fake followers. They did not know the Lord in an intimate, saving way. The word for “never” in Matthew 7:23 is oudepote, a strong word meaning “not ever.” Someday, Jesus will say to many professing believers, “I never, not ever knew you,’ because they never had true faith.

What Does It Mean For God To Know Us?

More crushable our knowing God is the assurance that He knows us! In Matthew 7:21, Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter my Kingdom of heaven.” Verse 22 goes on to say that people might even prophesy in Jesus’s name, cast out demons or perform many miracles,” but that does not mean God, their Creator, knows them relationally. We see this same dynamic in Luke 13:25-27, Jesus told a story about people who are outside a homeowner’s doorway, knocking and pleading for entrance-claiming to know him- but the owner of the house says, “I don’t know you or where do you come from. Away from me, all you evildoers!” A person might verbally claim to follow Jesus, might show great theological insight, or even demonstrate some elements of “success” while serving in the church, but it is only those who do the Father’s Will and are known by Him who will live forever with Him in eternity.

The Man On The Left And The Man On The Right

The man on the left and the man on the right could never co-exist. They are too different, and though they are the same man they look at life through different eyes.

The man on the left saw no hope. He was lost. Searching for satisfaction in various substances, relationships and I. Other temporary things. For him confidence was non existent. His self worth was found in the opinions of others. He was empty and hollow.

The man on the right helps others see that there is hope. His life has purpose. His confidence comes from who God says he is. He looks in the mirror and live the person looking back at him. He’s a husband, a father, a son, a grandson, a brother, a uncle, and a trustworthy friend that you can depend on. His cup is full. He is content.

So remember if you’re looking in the mirror and are seeing the person on the left just know the person on the right is in there waiting to make an appearance. Say your goodbyes to the one on the left, and welcome the you on the right into the world as you enjoy the beauties of life.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old passed away; behold the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17

The Battle Of Good -VS- Evil

I know it must be hard for many of us to realize we are in the middle of a battlefield. I know I find it difficult at times to acknowledge that Satan wants me as a victory trophy, while God invites me to be living testament to His love,

We may not see ourselves as popular or valuable to be such a prize in such a high-stakes game of life and death, where our only weapon is our faith. The problem is satan will and does attack at any given moment. He is relentless in his pursuit and often our guard just isn’t up.

I know on my best days there are distinct moments when focusing on the word of God is the last thing on my mind. Events and circumstances and people make it seemingly impossible, unlikely or just plain hard.

I have learned now this is when Satan is at the top of his game. You see satan wants us as his personal trophy, dead, stuffed and mounted on his wall in the pit of hell.

When we’re consciously aware of things, satan wants to to embarrass, humiliate and, like a scorned lover, hurt the Lord. What better way to do that than to steal something, degrade something, ruin something that the devil knows the Lord loves. Ma and yes you too.

I don’t know about you but it’s hard to think of myself as that important. It’s hard to consider myself as a pivotal piece in an eternal game of spiritual chess, a queen or king to one and a pawn to the other.

I suppose without knowing it. We are vulnerable. Like a child who unknowingly wanders off into a swamp, he or she has no idea of the danger. Injury and death are but steps away.

That’s how I feel sometimes. I know I’m lost. I know I’m in trouble. If I’m not vigilant, the devil will take me out to celebrate at my wake. Therefore, much like an athlete I pretty much know I’ve got to train and be prepared.

But there are some days I just don’t want to work that hard. I just want to be left alone. But being that simplistic can get you into trouble. That frame of mind can get you killed in this game.

The Bible is full of references about those who be seduced, tricked, abducted, and persecuted for not being true to the word of God. God Himself expresses frustration at times about those who willingly forget (selective memory), or unwillingly choose not to remember who He is and to whom we belong. The consequences can be catastrophic.

So, what’s the answer when you’re not feeling it? What’s the answer to being lost in this world! What’s the answer when we ask why evil is the the world? It’s all about the fight between good and evil. What’s the defense for Satan’s temptations?

It really quite simple. Get into the Word. Get into the Word and strategize an offense and a defense of personal testimony. Armed in this fashion, like Jesus in the desert, the devil cannot win. You know better that me that when you’re determined, you cannot be distracted.

There are some qualities we all possess that arms us for this fight. Recognition, understanding, desire and discipline come to mind. Together they guarantee victory for God and humiliation for the devil. Sometimes it just takes a Will to win.

The Goodness Of God

God’s goodness toward us is more than we can comprehend. In fact, because of God’s goodness, we are alive today. No one is just saved or just healed it’s because of God’s goodness. When deliverance comes it’s because of God’s goodness.

The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy. The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His Works.

Psalm 145:8-9

When a person isn’t saved it’s not because God hasn’t tried to reach out to them. The Lord is good to all.

Everywhere you read in God’s word you will find time and time again that God goes the extra mile. God is full of compassion, slow to anger, great in mercy. He’s good to all. His tender met its are all over.

According to Naham 1:7 in the Hebrew Bible The Lord is good a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who trust in Him.

Most commentaries agree that David not only penned this Psalm but he sang this Psalm to himself on many occasions.

Therefore consider the goodness and severity of God on those who fell, severity; but toward you, goodness, if you continue in His goodness. Otherwise you also will be cut off.

Romans 11:22

In other words is a person won’t consider God’s goodness he or she will have to over-look all of God’s creation (There is a decision to be made) Say choice.

Let’s just look at a few areas that God’s goodness can be seen:Through salvation John 3:16-27 for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world but that the world through Him might be saved.

Tom and 2:4 says, Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and long-suffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?

Jesus told the woman at the week in John 4 that “if you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, give me a drink, you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.

God sent His only Son to give the world living water. (even to a prostitute).

God’s goodness can be seen through His creation.

For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse.

Romans 1:20

For you shall go out with Joy, and be led out with peace; the mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands

Isaiah 55

Think about that, All of creation applauds as you allow Jesus to take control of your circumstances.

God’s goodness can be seen through out eternity,.

In 2 Corinthians 1-4 it says, “it is doubtless not profitable for me to boast. I will come to visions and revelations of the Lord. In Revelation 21:1-4 it says Noe I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth has passed away. Also, there was no more sea. Then John saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband, and He heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be more death not sorrow, not crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Just remember Moses in Exodus 33 how he needed assurance; therefore, God showed Moses the burning bush. Remember what God said as He passed by Moses. “Grace and goodness.”

Gratitude Is A Powerful Catalyst For Happiness

Gratitude is an attitude and a way of living that had been shown to have many benefits in terms of health, happiness, satisfaction with life, and the way we relate to others.

It goes hand in hand with mindfulness in its focus on the present and appreciation for what we have now rather than wanting more and more.

It is only with Gratitude that life becomes rich

Feeling and expressing gratitude turns our mental focus on the positive, which compensated for our brain’s natural tendency to focus on threats, worries, and the negative aspects of life.

It’s really nice to wake up in the morning realizing that God has given you another day to live. Try to wake up each day and think of something your grateful for. It will change the perspective of the day,

Thank God for this goof life and forgiving us f we do not live it enough.

Thank God for giving you the strength to keep going. I sometimes wake up feeling not the greatest I could. Ask God to give you the strength to get through the day.

Rejoice always, pray continuously, give thanks in all circumstances; For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Don’t Leave Me Alone With My Thoughts

According to The Boston Globe people prefer Electric Shock to Time Alone.

What do you say to yourself when you have a few minutes alone? In this day and age it’s rare that we don’t have some stimuli to keep us company. Would you prefer electric shock instead of being alone? I know I sure wouldn’t.

How can this possibly be! An opportunity for solitude and reflection and people would prefer to have an electric current run through their body rather then taking that time! Many spiritual leaders including Jesus advocate time alone. These leaders went to the mountains and farmland to get away from the crowds and be alone with their thoughts. How can it be we’ll do anything to a similar experience?

One of the reasons is probably die to what we say to ourselves once we enter that stillness. Instead of allowing our thoughts to uplift us and enlighten us, or use the time not to think at all, we allow the negative things we say to ourselves to empower us. Most people talk to themselves in such a negative way that they have to do it in their heads- they would probably never speak negatively out loud to another person!

When time alone is the opportunity to ruin your life, beat up on yourself for where you are or where you are not, and examine every wrong thing you have ever done, what sane Peter would want to be alone with that! An electric shock might be preferable to feeling as though you’ve been beaten down by the very person you thought you could trust – yourself.

Alone time is very important. The space between action and ongoing thoughts is where creative ideas are born. It’s where you may have a chance to see something about yourself you didn’t realize before. It’s where you may have your best brainstorm for how to get somewhere you want to go, or how to get out of some mess you are in. Without quiet time surrounded by constant stimulation- a lot is lost.

So If your thoughts are not the company you want to keep, what can you do? Here are some steps you can take to become better company for yourself

  • Choose to spend time alone. Take a walk without your iPod or cell phone. Walk the dogs at your local shelter if you do have one of your own. Drive without the radio on, do talk on your cell when driving. The more conscious choices you make to be by yourself, the more comfortable you will become with it.
  • Catch yourself in negative self-talk. Notice what you say. Become interested in it, “Hmmm… isn’t that interesting how hard I a. On myself right now. What’s that all about, I wonder?” Don’t judge it, but become aware of it,
  • Choose positive self-talk. Have sayings or quotes ready. (Try putting them in your bedroom, bathroom or other places your see them easily), say things like, ‘I am a calm and confident person,” “I enjoy my own company and find I use this time alone to be morphed creative.” “I get my best ah-hah moments when I’m by myself.” You may find the things you tell yourself and the choices you made are good for you.
  • Tell your mind you need answers to something. Ask your mind to work on problems while your alone. Practice pushing negative thoughts out, to make positive ideas or new creative brainstorms to enter.
  • Be excited about spending time alone. Tell yourself you look forward to it and that you’ll enjoy it

Practice make perfect and with some changes, and some time, you may find that you really can be your own best friend.

The City On A Hill

Jesus said “you are the light of the World. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.” These words were directed to His disciples, yet became identified with an entire civilization and revealed the unique greatness of America. The foundation of American civilization must ultimately be traced back to Nazareth. The vision of America originate with the great commission, the charge he entrusted to his disciples, Conceived for the purpose of being the light of God and spreading to the ends of the earth. Even if mainstream American society has forgotten The reason for America’s existence, you don’t forget; Live as an all out disciple of Messiah. America needs that more than ever. In an age of darkness, light Smithtown all the more. And age of compromise and moral sliding, you must all the more live your life above reproach, as a light, a witness, as a city on a hill. As the darkness becomes darker. Strive to be the called, the sons and daughters of salt and light, keep praying and keep shining.