From Pity to Praise

Shouldn’t I feel happier and more fulfilled? My life lacks meaning. Sometimes I feel like I’m on the outside looking in at others who are truly living. Why do I struggle so much with self-discipline? What is wrong with me?

Almost everyone realizes that what happens to us in childhood has an effort who we become as adults. The good and the bad: awards, accomplishments, mistreatment or abuse. It all has an impact.

But, there is another factor from childhood which has an equal or even greater effect than childhood events, like awards, mistreatments or abuse. This is a fact that people can’t see or remember. It’s invisible. It’s Emotional Neglect.

It’s a parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs. Emotional Neglect is in some ways opposite of mistreatment and abuse. Whereas mistreatment and abuse are parental acts, Emotional Neglect is a parent’s failure to act. It’s a failure to notice, attend to, or respond to a child’s feelings. Because it’s an act of omission, it’s not visible, noticeable, or memorable.

Emotional Neglect is the white space in the family picture; the background rather than the foreground. It is insidious and overlooked while it does it’s silent damage to people’s lives.

Children who are emotionally neglected grow up to have a particular set of struggles. Because their emotions were not validated as children, they may have difficulty knowing and trusting their own emotions as adults. They may have difficulty understanding their own feelings, as well as others. Because an important part of themselves ( their emotional self) has been denied, they may find themselves feeling disconnected, unfulfilled, or empty. I felt disconnected for years, not know where I belonged or even if I belonged. I filled that hole of emptiness up with alcohol and drugs. They may have difficulty trusting or relying on others. I felt different from other people; like something was wrong with me but not knowing what it was. I know now Alcohol and Drugs were not the answer. And knew there was a better answer.

Another way that parents can unwittingly emotionally neglect their child is to fail to give then structure and rules to live by, like consequences and discipline. I grew to know if I didn’t talk and stayed out of my moms sight. I could do anything I wanted, she didn’t care about me anyway. However, as a result, the emotionally neglected often struggle with self- discipline.

Whatever the level of parental failure, the emotional neglected have no childhood memories to explain their difficulties. So, to often, they blame themselves.

To this day, Emotional Neglect has been overlooked. Because it’s invisible, unmemorable, and the absence of something (emotional validation) it has been greatly overshadowed by more visible, but also worthy topics, like childhood events, abuse, or trauma.

Today I am doing better. I still struggle with self-discipline, I don’t talk much, I am just different than everyone else. I have had to come to terms with that. If I get upset with someone or something I have to walk away. I have realized that I am not my mothers sin, why should I live like I am. I am different but I am beautiful and comfortable with who I am.

Trauma is perhaps to most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood and untreated cause of human suffering.

This is your life, Be You. There is a Clear Urgency in your life that you must never neglect and that is- you must be yourself no matter what.

A person’s strength isn’t just about how much they can handle before they break. It’s also about how much they must handle after they’re broken.

Joy- a sense of elation, happiness, and perhaps even exhilaration, often experienced as a sudden spike due to something good happening.

Gratitude- a feeling of thankfulness, for something specific or simply all- encompassing, often accompanied by humility and even reverence.

Serenity- a calm and peaceful feeling of acceptance of oneself.

Interest- a feeling of curiosity or fascination that demands and captures your attention.

Hope- I mentioned a earlier post, Hope is the anchor to the Soul. It’s a feeling of optimism and anticipation about a possible future.

Pride- a sense of approval of one self and pleasure in an achievement, skill, or personal attribute.

Amusement- a feeling of lighthearted pleasure and enjoyment, often accompanied by smiles and easy laughter.

Inspiration- feeling engaged, uplifted, and motivated by something you have read, prayed about and was answered or witnessed.

Awe- an emotion that is evoked when you witness something grand, spectacular, or breathtaking, sparkling a sense or overwhelming appreciation.

Elevation- the feeling you get when you see someone engaging in a act of kindness, generosity, or inner goodness, spurring you to aspire to similar action.

Altruism- usually referred to as an act of selflessness or generosity towards others, but can also describe the feeling you get from helping others.

Satisfaction- a sense of pleasure and contentment you get from accomplishing something or fulfilling a need.

Relief- the feeling of happiness you experience when an uncertain situation turns out for the best, or a negative outcome is avoided.

Affection- an emotional attachment to someone or something by a liking for them and a sense of pleasure for the company.

Cheerfulness- a feeling of brightness, being upbeat, and noticeably happy or chipper; feeling like everything is going your way.

Surprise-( the good kind) – a sense of delight when someone brings you unexpected happiness or a situation goes even better than you had hoped.

Confidence- emotion involving a strong sense of self-esteem and belief in yourself; can be specific to a situation or activity, or mor universal.

Admiration- a feeling of warm approval, respect, and appreciation for someone or something.

Enthusiasm- a sense of excitement, accompanied by motivation and engagement.

Eagerness- intense and the all-encompassing sense of joy or happiness when extremely positive and exciting happens. I have been trying to grow a patch of flowers in my hard for year I have babied them every spring. They would get green but never flower. I thought they were tulips. I went out one morning to water them once again expecting nothing, and there is was 1 big beautiful yellow poppy. I was so excited I jumped for joy. I am eager to see more. I little beautiful flower brought such joy into my life.

Contentment- peaceful comfort, and low- key sense of happiness and well-being.

Enjoyment- a feeling of taking pleasure in whet is going on around you especially in situations like leisure activity or social gathering.

Optimism- positive and hopeful emotion that encourages you to look forward to a bright future, one in which you believe that things will mostly work out.

Happiness- a feeling of pleasure and contentment in the way things are going; a general sense of enjoyment of and enthusiasm for life.

Love- perhaps the strongest of all positive emotions, love is a feeling of deep and enduring affection for someone, along with a willingness to put their needs ahead of your own; it can be directed towards an individual, a group of people, or even humanity. But now abide faith, hope, and love these three; and the greatest of these is love. ( 1 Corinthians 13; 13)

Anger- Ever have someone tell you no to something you want? Of course we all have. How does it make you feel? Does it make your blood begin to boil, your temperature rise and do you see red? This is commonly how anger is described. Your body is reacting to hinges not going your way, and it’s an attempt to try and rectify that.

Once when we’re angry we’ll shout, our face will register our anger and we may even throw thing’s around. We’re trying to get our own way we can think how if you’re often reacting to scenarios in this way, it’s a good idea to explore why and come up with more positive strategies.

Annoyance- Do you have a relative or co-worker that talks to loudly? Does your partner always leave dirty dishes in the sink? Though we may like our co-worker and love our partners these behaviors can make us feel annoyed. Annoyance is a weaker form of anger. While it’s not as intense as anger, it’s the result of a similar thought process. Something has happened or someone is doing something you wish they wouldn’t. And you have no control over it.

Fear- it is often cited as one of the core basic emotions, and that’s because it’s linked with our sense of self-preservation, it’s an evolved response to warn us about dangerous situations, unexpected obstacles or failures. We don’t feel fear in order to feel distressed, on the contrary, it’s thereto help us navigate potential danger successfully. Embracing the emotion of fear and exploring why it arises can help you prepare yourself proactively to tackle challenges.

Anxiety- much like fear, anxiety seems to warn us about potential threats and dangers. It’s often seen as a negative emotion as it’s though of having an anxious disposition impairs judgement and our inability to act. It’s our fight or flight response when is our body’s sympathetic nervous system is activated due to the sudden release of hormones in the face of something frightening. Your heart beats faster you begin breathing faster and your entire body becomes tense and becomes ready to take action.

Sadness- when you miss a deadline, get a bad grade, or don’t secure that job you had been hoping you would get, you’ll probably be sad. Sadness happens when we are dissatisfied with ourselves, our achievements or the behavior of someone else around us. Sadness can be good to experience as it indicates to us that we are passionate about something. It can be a great catalyst to pursue change.

Guilt-is a complex emotion. We can feel this in relation to ourselves and past behaviors that we wish hadn’t happened. But also in relation to how our behavior impacts those around us. Guilt is often referred to as a moral emotion and can be another strong catalyst to encourage us to make changes in our life.

Apathy- like guilt can be a complex emotion. If you’ve lost enthusiasm, motivation or interest in the things you’ve previously enjoyed, this could be related to apathy. Like anger, it can arise when we lose control over a scenario or situation but instead of becoming angry we pursue a more passive-aggressive expression of rebellion.

Despair- Ever try to achieve a certain task or goal multiple times and not succeed? Did that make you feel like throwing your hands in the air, and camping out in bed with a large tub of ice cream and crying for hours. That’s despair and it’s an emotion that arises when we aren’t getting the results we want. Despair gives us an excuse to give up on our desired goals and it comes back to a self-preservation tactic. Despair can actually be a useful reminder to take a break and restore, before continuing to pursue a challenging goal.

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A time comes in your life when you must decide between what you feel and what you know. You must choose between your mind and your heart, between love and the truth from your mind; but seldom your soul. The bond between your heart and your mind is the strongest and one will try and overpower the other at all times. But neither one, alone, or together can overpower your soul, for they do not possess the ability, nor the strength. Only your soul can guide you when the time does come for you to make a decision, you must be prepared for a inner conflict between your heart and your mind, so painful it can only be overcome by the strength your soul can provide this is when you must force yourself to realize that your heart and your mind are only links to your soul and can act as one when you allow your soul to guide you. It is a difficult road to go down but I believe everyone will end up there eventually. My page hopefully will help you along your path to get their.