From Pity to Praise

Most people are about as happy as the make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln

Is happiness a choice? Yes! Many happy people realize happiness is a choice and it’s up th them to intentionally choose it every single day.

Happy people are not held hostage by their circumstances and they do not seek happiness in people or possessions.

They understand that when we stop chasing the world’s definition of happiness, we begin to see the decision to experience happiness has been right in front of us all along.

But simply knowing that happiness is a choice is not enough. Fully experiencing it still requires a conscious decision to choose happiness each day. How then might each of us begin to experience this Joy?

Count your Blessings. Happy people choose to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative. They set their minds specUtica reasons to be grateful. They express it when possible. And very quietly discover there is always, something to be grateful for.

Carry a Smile. A smile is a wonderful beautified. But more than that making an emotion-filled face carries influence over the feelings processed by the brain in the same way our brains influence our face. You can actually program yourself to experience happiness by Choosing to smile. Not to mention, all the pretty smiles you’ll receive in return for flashing yours is also to increase your happiness.

Use “I am Affirmations” I am loved, I am blessed, I am a Gift to the World, okay I’ll stop being silly No one is a gift to the world, but you are somebody’s gift in this world. Tell yourself positive things and you can start to living in a positive mindset.

Wake up on your terms

Hold back a complaint. The next time you want to lash out in verbal complaint toward a person, a situation, or yourself don’t. Instead, humbly keep it to yourself. You’ll likely diffuse an a unhealthy, unhappy environment. But more than that, you’ll experience joy by choosing peace in a difficult situation.

Practice one life-improving discipline. There is happiness and full end to be found in personal growth. To know that you have intentionally devoted time and energy to personal improvement is one of the most satisfying feelings you’ll ever experience. Embrace and practice at least one act of self-discipline each day. This could be exercised, budgeting, or guided learning.., what ever your life needs today to continue growing. Find it. Practice it, Celebrate it.

Use your strengths. Each of us have natural talents, strengths, and abilities. And when we use them effectively, we feeling alive and comfortable in our skin. They help us find joy in our being and happiness is our design. So embrace your strengths and choose to operate within your giftedness each day. If you need to find this outlet outside your employment, by all means, find this outlet.

Accomplish one important task. Because happy people choose happiness, they take control over their lives. They don’t make decisions based on a need to pursue joy. Instead , they operate out of the satisfaction they have already chose. They realize there are demand on their time, helpful pursuits to accomplish, and important contributions to make to the world around them. Choose one important task that you can accomplish each day. And find joy in your contribution.

Eat a healthy meal/snack. We are spiritual, emotional, and mental beings. We are also physical bodies. Out lives cannot be wholly separated into its parts. As a result, one aspect always influences the others. For example, our physical bodies will always have impact over our spiritual and emotional well-being. Caring for our physical well-being can have significant benefit for our emotional standing.

Treat others well. Everyone wants to be treated kindly. But more than that deep down, we also want to treat others with the same respect that we would like given to us. Treat everyone you meet with kindness, patience, and grace. The Golden Rule is a powerful standard. It benefits the receiver. But also brings growing satisfaction in yourself as you seek to treat others as you would like to be treated.

Search for benefit in your pain. This life can be difficult. Nobody escapes with out pain. At some point-in some way- we all encounter it. When you remind yourself again that the trials may be difficult, but they will pass. And search to find meaning in the pain. Choose to look for benefits that can be found in your trial. At the very least, perseverance in being built. And most likely, an ability to comfort others in their pain is also being developed.

You’re so depressed you can’t get out of bed. You’re so anxious you can’t stop moving. Maybe both. That latest medication or treatment seems to be helping. Or you’re thinking nothing’s ever going to work. Regardless, simply getting through the day is a Challenge. I’ve been there.

Here are some things I’ve tried that might help you:

If you had a broken leg you wouldn’t think. “I shouldn’t have a broken leg.” But if you’re depressed , it easy to think, “I shouldn’t have be depressed,” or “I should calm down.” In our culture, we pride ourselves on pushing through things. When your depressed, however, “beating yourself up” only increases your sense of helplessness. It’s okay if you aren’t as much fun to be around. It’s okay if you’re not as productive as usual. You don’t have a broken leg- you have a broken heart. And it takes time to heal.

Take small steps,p. Lying in bed wishing you could just pull the covers over your head and go back to sleep? It’s okay to keep lying there. Maybe do one small thing that might make you feel better. Like smile for 10 seconds. Or stretch a little. I know you don’t feel like smiling or stretching. But give it a shot. Maybe you manage to get up but don’t feel like doing anything. Make some tea or coffee, go to a comfortable chair and look out the window. Sit outside if the weather’s nice. In the winter you can zip yourself into a sleeping bag or cover yourself with blankets. I was so manic I had to get out of bed (often at 4 or 5 a.m.) I cannot sit and meditate even though I’d done it for years. I was, however, able to take a few deep breaths once in awhile. That was the best I could do, so that’s what I did.

Take a hike. It is exercise that’s important for mental health. It’s an accomplishment that makes you feel better. There’s no need to do some heavy-duty work out. If you feel like hiking, walk. If you don’t feel like walking stroll, just move your body a bit every day.

Even though I walked a lot, I still felt trapped inside my own head. So I’d try to feel my feet on the ground- just a few seconds. Or look at something outside my brain- a tree, a flower, the sky. Taking a little hike or walk someplace you’ve never been before can help pull you out of yourself a bit. Ok admit sometimes I hugged a tree. I felt really silly doing it, but I could actually feel some of my anxiety dissolve into some of the tree. Don’t knock it until you give it a try.

Get a massage. Whether you’re depressed or anxious, massage is one of the best always to be kind to yourself. So are other “hand on” treatments. Scheduling a massage give to something to look forward to once in a awhile. I don’t do this as much as I should, but even if a family member or partner does this it calms you down being completely relaxed. The don’t have to have any special skills. My only advise to you is that deep massage techniques like shiatsu or Rolfing can bring up emotional stuff. So it would be best if the person doing has experience massaging clients with depression and mania.

When you’re depressed being asked to think positively can be like asking someone who’s color-blind to see red. But you can pretend to think positively. Again just a few seconds, or a minute. Say to yourself, or out load, “I feel fabulous, I feel fabulous.” Think of it like a prayer or the way children m”make believe “ in order to have different experiences.

Write or draw. Describing you experience can give you a little distance from it. For example, I used to write letters to my mother asking her why she did the things to me she did, or a venting letter on how she made me feel and how she messed up my life. It would clear my mind of all the thoughts rolling around in my head. I would tear them up afterwards. Drawing can also help get thing’s unstuck. You don’t have to be an artist. Scribbling is just as effective. Use lots of colors.

Talk to friends. This is a bit tricky. Because most friends want you to feel better so, badly, they often make suggestions that make you feel inadequate. It’s okay to ask a friend just to listen. Just listen. To only make suggestions if you ask them for it. It’s also ok not to talk. Marilyn Monroe, said “ it’s often just enough to be with someone. I don’t need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You’re not alone.”

Cry and scream. Crying is not a sign of weakness. It’s a way to let go. I wouldn’t over do it in front of the kids or at work, but when you can find a safe place to just let it go…let it go.

This is always what happens.

The minute we allow ourselves to be governed by our emotions we short-circuit the process that God intended for us in our lives.

We begin on a narrow limited plane, we are restricted to that plane, we can see no other facts but the ones to which we are reacting emotion.

This is the problem with many people. They are temporarily unable to see anything often than what’s immediately in front of them are is affecting their feelings. Governed by their feelings, therefore their Judgement is distorted.

The only solid ground on which Faith can rest. If the foundation is destroyed, Wharton’s can the righteous do.

Emotions guide our lives in a million ways. Whether we’re inclined to hide and avoid or ponder and express them, most of us don’t realize the intent to which they are driving our thoughts and behavior.

Exploring our emotions is a worthy endeavor for everyone hoping to know and develop themselves, build healthy relationships m and pursue what they want in life. Emotional intelligence is more important the IQ, showing it “predicts over 54% of the variation in success.” In relationships, health, and good quality of life.

Our emotions can offer us clues into who we are as well as how we’ve been affected by our history. Many of our actions are initiated by emotion, which lead to the national question of which emotions are being surfaced and why. Which of these emotions are adapted and maladaptive? Which may be triggered by the present but rooted in our past?

Have you heard it said we need to live in harmony with our feelings and not attempt to control them. Much of that harmony with our feelings come from understanding our emotional reactions and distinguishing when our emotions are primary or secondary in nature as well as when they are adaptive or not.

Primary emotions are our first reaction. They’re often followed by a more defended secondary emotion,the anger that covers up feelings hurt, the embarrassment overpowering our sadness, or the anxiety masking a deeper far. For example, if our partner doesn’t show up for us let’s you down in some way, we may feel enraged. We may stonewall them or erupt in our next interaction with him or her. However, if we look at our initial reaction our primary emotion, we may recognize that we had more vulnerable feelings, such as feeling hurt, unwanted and ashamed.

If we imagine a moment of feeling tense, frustrated or stuck in a bad feeling, driven to react without a sense of relief , we were probably caught in a secondary emotion. However, if we were able to access the deepest, more vulnerable feeling, perhaps await or a need, or a core feeling of sadness or shame, we were then experiencing a primary emotion. Initially we may have noticed the feeling building, but then easing. Like a wave. When we allow ourselves to feel a primary emotion, we often experience relief. We are not necessarily inclined to act. Instead we feel more in touch with ourselves softened yet more alive.

Primary emotions can either be adaptive to the moment or maladaptive reactions based from our past. Maladaptive primary emotions may have sparked by current events, but they’re tied to a way we felt early in our lives. For example, if we were seen or treated like we were unintelligent or incapable in our family, being called “stupid” or related to as if were incompetent in the current day can trigger us to feel deeply pained or ashamed. However, before we can acknowledge this pain or shame, we’re swept up in a secondary emotion like anger, resentment, or defensiveness.

At this time, we may experience what is called a critical inner voice, a negative internal commentary that tells us thing like, “you made such a fool of yourself. Look at how they’re looking at you. They all think your an idiot. You should just get out of here.” This destructive inner couch often gets loader when we feel triggered emotionally.

These critical thoughts can drive us to feel a range of emotions that are painful and maladaptive, which contribute to salt-defeating behavior, like holding ourselves back, turning to psychological defenses, or pushing away loved ones. The maladaptive secondary emotions can also lead us to react in ways that are not in ours best interest, lashing out to defend ourselves, acting resentful or enraged, driven by thoughts like, “How dare they treat you that way. That was so disrespectful, Who do they think they are talking to you like that?

Our maladaptive emotions are based our past. Although, they are not an accurate reflection of who we really are, when we fail to identify these emotions, we may feel stuck living in the shadows. The ironic comfort of their familiarity can even cause us to distort ourselves and others or provoke reactions and scenarios that recreate the emotional climate to which we’re accustomed. We may relate to others based on these old feelings rather than what’s really going on or what’s really going on or what we really want.

There is a way we can transform our emotions to be become adaptive. Maladaptive emotions often leave us feeling stuck, as if they’re unresolvable, but if we can get to the underlying emotion in our past, we can feel the feelings, gain insight into the need underlying the emotion, and take actions to get the need met. We can ask this by asking our partner or someone close to us to meet our need or, If necessary, by soothing ourselves. We can take our side by challenging our critical self-attracts and offering ourselves compassion and love. We can be more willing to feel our sadness, anger, or the deeper primary emotions that make us feel more connected to ourselves. We can feel out feelings rather than suppressing them and allowing them to silently dictate our lives.

When we live in harmony with our emotions, we become more in touch with who we are. We gain insight into the real core emotions that are causing our reactions. And we can be the one at the wheel, choosing our actions. Feeling as an adaptive mechanism to give us critical information. By focusing on the emotion with compassion and curiosity, we can discover who we are and what we want.

What is a Emotional Intellectual

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.

Emotional intelligence is generally said to include at least skills- emotional awareness, or the ability to identify and names one’s own emotions, the ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving and the ability to mange emotions, which includes both regulating one’s emotions when necessary and helping others do the same.

There is no validated test or scale for emotional intelligence as there is for “g” the general intelligence factor- and many argue that emotional intelligence is therefore not an actual construct, but a way of describing interpersonal skills that go by other names.

Despite the criticism, the concept of emotional intelligence- sometimes referred to as emotional Quotient or EQ- has gained wide acceptance in recent years, some employers have even incorporated emotional intelligence into interview processes stating the someone that has emotional intelligence would make a better leader or co-worker.

Some studies has even found a link between emotional intelligence and job performance, many others have shown no correlation, and the lack of a scientifically valid scale makes it difficult to truly measure or predict someone’s emotional intelligence on the job or at home.

What does it mean to be Emotionally Intelligent?

An emotionally intelligent individual is both highly conscious of his or her own emotional states, even negatively- frustration, sadness,or something more subtle-and able to Identify and manage them. Such people are especially tuned in to the emotions that others experience. It’s understandable that a sensitivity to emotional signals both from within oneself and from one’s environment could make one a better friend, parent, or leader, or romantic partner. Fortunately these skills can be honed.