The Destructive Power Of Unforgiveness

What is your first response when someone hurts you? Maybe you immediately become angry and want to retaliate. Or perhaps you outward expression doesn’t change, but inside you begin to quietly nurse bitterness. Being nurt by someone, particularly someone you love and trust, causes sadness and confusion. The more you dwell on hurtful situations or event, grudges filled with resentment and hostility can take root.

Unforgiveness can be defined psychologically as the emotional imbalance due to delayed response towards a transgressor. However, the expression of anger, hatred, frustration or violence depends on the mental state of a person. Studies show that unforgiveness is a type of stress response that has a direct impact on the mental and psychology of a person. unforgiveness provokes a person to respond intensely with ultimate impacts on social and cognitive behavior. People who have delayed expressing to trauma cannot interact with other people well. Trauma caused by unforgiveness impacts communication skills, abilities thinking, and decision making power.

It is thought to believe that the negative effects of unforgiveness are similar to those of interpersonal mental trauma. The human brain when suffering from a trauma goes into a hyperactive state when can cause hormonal imbalance.

When Unforgiveness goes unaddressed delayed negative emotions can cause a number of long term mental health problems. Depression is one of them. unexpressed emotions that are formed from Unforgiveness causes this type depression to be more dangerous than other forms. Studies show that Unforgiveness not only causes mental problems but physical problems as well.

Unforgiveness almost cost me my life, my marriage, my children, and my health. I attempted suicide many times, suffered from horrible depression, had stomach problems, unbearable headaches, joint pain, and cancer.

When we choose Unforgiveness it doesn’t hurt the person/people who hurt us, we hurt ourselves.

It took me over 15 years to realize what I was doing to myself and those closest to me.

Unforgiveness is spiritually destructive because it’s contrary to God’s will and effects our emotions, thoughts, and relationships. Scripture is clear that we are to forgive anyone who causes us harm, because we ourselves have been forgiven by God. The grace God pours out on each of us should be our motivation to extend grace to others.

Forgiveness involves a total change of attitude and action. When we give up resentment toward someone and relinquish the desire for revenge, we begin to heal from the inside out. In our own strength it is impossible, but if instead of rehearsing our hurts, we ask the Lord to change us and forgive us, He can begin to fill us with the power to forgive others.

When I did this, God transformed my heart. While I have no more stomach issues, and was cured of cancer after a long battle. I still suffer from joint pain, and reoccurring headaches. My life has improved tremendously. But looking back I am regretful I didn’t realize any of the issues that Unforgiveness caused me. I have had to come to grips with the years I’ve wasted by not forgiving my mother, and all that I’ve lost because of my refusal to do so. But, I am thankful for my time I have left. And looking forward to a beautiful life ahead.

My advice is not wait to seek a life of forgiveness. Unforgiveness is a destroyer of life, and life is too short as is it. Don’t waste it.

What I’ve Been Putting Off

What have you been putting off doing? Why?

I have been putting off a surgery I need to have, not because I am scared, but because I have an allergy to nickel.

I need a total knee replacement. I’ve need it for probably 10 years now. I am an active person and I know this will slow me down.

I am having this surgery tomorrow. And am trusting God. I found an orthopedic surgeon that I’m sure I can trust, and have been praying.

It’s time to take this step and move on to new things.

The Shalom (Peace) Of God

Shalom is a little word with enormous significance. It’s Hebrew for hello, goodbye, and peace. It’s a word that is full of hope when greeting someone, wishing them well as they leave, and expressing to then your positive desire for their well-being. Shalom implies wholeness, wellness, and contentedness.

It is one word which says to a person as you greet them or say goodbye, “as we meet each other or as we depart, may your life be filled with hope, happiness, health, peace, prosperity, and all things good that can possibly be communicated.

Shalom Can Be Elusive

Shalom is not easy to come by. Though people’s strive for peace, very few people find it. Most spend their lives in pursuit of it. Whether that pursuit takes one in the direction of business, the arts, or family, everyone’s desire is to find that which satisfies and brings them Shalom. It’s finding satisfaction in life that we are all striving for.

The reason we are all searching for Shalom is because we live in a world that is not peaceful. Our lives are filled with turmoil of some sort. Void of peace. We are comforted daily with a disarray, broken, and lost barrage at home, at work, from the internet and television. Bombarded by events both audible and visual that remind us how elusive Shalom can be.

A quick look at the internet, social media, or the evening news is enough to shatter a person’s hope. At home we struggle to raise and protect our families. Distractions abound. We are compelled by a broken world to endeavor to bring Shalom back into our lives.

Shalom Can Be Fleeting

Once found Shalom can quickly disappear. The world around us is constantly changing, throwing new challenges in our direction. That which brings Shalom one moment may be gone the next or replaced by something else that robs us of the newly found Shalom.

Real Shalom Is Devine

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and your through to in Messiah Yeshua” -Philippians 4:6-7 (Messianic).

Real Shalom can only come from God -from a relationship with Him through Jesus. It’s “other worldly” internal personal conflicts, those at home and those created by external circumstances, can only be resolved by intervention from a Holy God external to ourselves. Jesus said He came to bring us Shalom, but not like the world defines it.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let it be fearful” -John 14:27 (Messianic).

True Shalom comes from understanding God’s shalom. It is a heart motivated, spiritual contentment that comes from recognizing our inability to control our own circumstances. Trusting God, and accepting His will, and understanding His ultimate sovereignty brings true peace.

Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God.

The Things Above

The world has a way of getting us down. It fills us with distractions, temptations, and entertainment, it promises us happiness but never fully delivering. It’s easy to become weighed down and overwhelmed looking at the state of the world, as it is full of corruption and confusion that surrounds us.

When we focus on earthly things our eyes forget to look above. We forget the blessings and promises we have through our adoption from God. Our satisfaction in Christ slips away as well.

Colossians 3 explores what it means to set your mind on things above, enabling us to experience the true joy the Father wants to lavish on us. When we set our eyes on Him, we are better able to listen for His voice, and be guided through this life with hope.

The Bible gives us clear instructions. We are not to linger our old habits of fear, sin, and discouragement, as we were unbelievers. Instead we are called to lay these things down that hinder us and through the power of the Holy Spirit step into a new life.

Our desire to look to earthly things instead of heavenly things comes from two flaws in thinking. We either looks to earthly things because we think they will serve us somehow – such as bringing us comfort, identity, pleasure, etc… or we look to earthly things because we forget who we serve. The first step toward setting your mind on things above is to rid yourselves of your old self and turn away from your sins that accompany it.

Every time I ask God for forgiveness, I work on never doing that sin again. If I’m not trying to turn away from the sin in my life, why am I asking God for forgiveness in the first place.

Sin keeps us from having a relationship with God and keeps our eyes on lowly things. We cannot be fully in a relationship with God’s and remain part of the system of the sin we’ve been delivered from. Imagine trying to climb a ladder with heavy weights tied to your ankles. You would be dragged back down with every step you intend to take. The ways of heaven and earth are opposed to each other. We cannot achieve a heavenly mindset while we are persisting in our earthly actions.

Getting rid of sin in our life cannot be done in our own strength. If we try to do it in our own power, we will always fail. God gives us the power to reject sin and temptations through the empowering of the Holy Spirit transform our minds through His Word (2 Peter 1:3). Reading God’s Word helps us to put on our new self, which makes us justified through Christ.

When we focus on things of this world, our peace is stolen from us. We become so wrapped up in the transient things that we forget the eternal foundation and unshifting identity of Christ. The world shakes and shifts, but. Christ is our strong tower (our rock), our refuge, and our peace (Psalm 91:2).

Isaiah 26:3 states that the Lord will keep us in “perfect peace” when we focus our minds on Him and trust in Him. Perfect peace is what everyone strives for on earth, yet it’s impossible when we focus on earthly things. It’s possible when we set our minds on the things above.

Being thankful to God may not come easily in all situations in life. Yet we need to be keenly aware of every good thing that comes from God. We are all deserving of His wrath for our rebellion against Him, for violating His laws and departing from what is true and right. However, through Christ’s atoning sacrifice, He made salvation.

We should set our eyes, hearts, and mind on the things above, and run the race set before that leads to victory.

Two Big Reasons People Reject God

Many people reject God, but have you ever wondered why? The two biggest reasons are,

  • Religious Hypocrisy

Imagine growing up in a home where your parents forced you to attend Church services but never talked about Jesus throughout the week. They always complained about society as if they were perfect saints trapped in a world of sinners. They never read the Scriptures and they never prayed before meals. They talked openly of the sins of others but never confessed their own.

For millions of people, this is not a life imagined but a description of the life they’ve already lived. I remember a neighbor of ours who did this, and every year, the man of the house would come and steal vegetables and fruit out of my father’s garden. And not just a little, all of it. I remember thinking, that my parents weren’t perfect, but at least they didn’t steal food from the neighbors. It just always bothered me, how people would talk about not sinning and then do it themselves.

No matter what form hypocrisy takes, it’s offensive to God, and to others. Brennan Manning famously said, “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today as Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle.” While it’s impossible to know for sure that hypocrisy is the greatest single cause of atheism, it’s certainly ranks towards the top. Jesus Himself rejected Rejected Religious Hypocrisy.

People who reject Jesus, are really rejecting the hypocrisy of others. The people who are spreading the hypocrisy are giving Jesus a bad name. Which causes people to reject the real Jesus. Jesus doesn’t claim religious hypocrites, so they who say they are religious will hear, “Depart from me I never knew you, just as the non-believers will.

  • Pride

People want to run their own lives, they don’t want anyone -especially God to interfere with the way they are living. They want to be in control of everything they do, and they know that if they were to believe in God, they would have to change their lifestyle. Instead of living by their own list of what’s right and wrong, they would have to take seriously God’s moral standards.

Life without God, is to live without hope -hope for His presence, hope for eternity. Instead of knowing that God has put us here for a purpose, they end up living without any ultimate meaning in life. No wonder Psalm 14:1 says, The fool says in his heart, there is no God.

The First Time I Ever Felt Like A Grown Up

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

I felt like a grown up at age 12. It was when I drank my first beer. It was then I realized that no one actually cared for me, I remember thinking, “my mom was a monster. My father became an alcoholic when my brother’s died.” I knew I had no one but myself.

From that point on I started making my own decisions. Coming and leaving the house when I wanted to. And basically fending for myself.

I grew up hard and fast. I roamed the streets of town until everything stopped, to cars were around except the police.

I often think if this had happened in today’s modern society, what would have happened to me.

Don’t Claim Sickness

Has anyone ever asked you what you drive? Your answer usually goes like this, “I have a blue Chevy Canyon.” I have, I have signifies you possess something that belongs to you. You claimed the car that you own. Now if you were driving your sister’s car that you narrowed that day, you might reply, “I am driving my sister’s orange Jeep Renegade.” You are agreeing you are driving the car for the day, but deny that it belongs to you. Sickness is an energy that might attract itself to you, but Do Not Claim It or accept it as yours.

When you say, “I have horrible headaches,” you are acknowledging that it belongs to you. “I have arthritis,” does it belong to you” is it yours? You are what you say you are. When you say it, you are telling your brain to process it.

It is just like when we say we’re tired all the time, and we can actually feel ourselves getting more tired.

Instead, say something like, “I am currently experiencing these symptoms.” It describes what is happening, but does not establish ownership.

These are better ways to say what needs to be said, and should only be said when it’s necessary. Rather than continually repeating these words and focus on them focus on the end result, whether health comes miraculously, through doctors, medicine, or holistic treatments, or change of diet; it does make a difference – there is power in our words.

“For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body” – James 3:2-3 (NKJV)

If I had a million dollars

If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?

If I had a million dollars, I would open a dog sanctuary. With so many animals being given to Animal shelters during these tough times. I would take the dogs who were having been left in shelters for a long time.

I would also help feed starving children. With as much money that goes around in the world it is inexcusable that there are children starving .

We have many rich people getting greedier by the day. And the poor people getting poorer.

Finding The Root Cause For Problems In Life

When faced with a lingering problem, what do you do?

It’s as simple as analyzing two solutions. Try to remove the problem, or investigate and analyze it to see find the real source of the problem.so it doesn’t resurface.

I believe in the “go see and clarify approach. When an issue occurs, the solution is found by understanding the problem, asking questions, inspecting the issue closely and then work from there.

There are actually 5 basic ways to do this:

The Analysis Technique

Whenever a issue, or a problem occurs, simply ask, why did the problem occur? every problem has a cause behind it, but a superficial analysis will only depict symptoms. A persistent inquiry is required to find the real cause (the root cause) behind the issue so that lasting solutions can be taken and the problem doesn’t resurface.

Let’s say, Roxie is suffering from depression, she goes to the doctor expecting to be put on anti- depressants. But in order to find a solution, the doctor wants to find out what she’s been experiencing in her life. Roxie is a stay at home mother, and her husband works 60-70 hours a week. She is raising her children alone, taking care of the house and finances. She is completely overwhelmed. The root cause of her depression isn’t medical and anti-depressants won’t solve the problem it will only mask it (cover it up). The solution is for her to have a conversation with her husband and come up with a solution that fits both of them. Maybe he can come home early one day a week and spend time with her, and let her know he really loves her, and appreciates her. That one day of the week will give her something to look forward to, and also influence her choice to take better care of herself. She needs to bring a feeling of being valued back into her life.

What appeared to be a problem for Roxie, was just a symptom of the actual issue. If you treat the symptom then the actual problem is not solved and will resurface again and again.

Understanding the root cause can keep us from feeling like the victim. Without understanding and tackling the root cause, we’re stuck being the helpless victim the illusionary world we’ve created for ourselves.. we’re getting smacked around without seeing the way things actually work.

There’s a root cause for distraction that lies deep with in us. It’s the reason we rationalize away our actions even when we know they’re not what we intended. Unless we understand the root cause of the why? we cannot stay on track, and we tend to always be playing someone else’s game.

Here’s a place to start to find the root cause of life’s problems

  • Do you feel sorry for yourself?

Everyone has problems in their life. No one is special or privileged. We all have trials and tribulations we have to go through. It’s part of life.

  • Are you blaming anyone for what you are to blame for?

We all have two options, either change the situation your in, or change the environment you are in. This was really tough for me to here, when I was told this. Don’t complain, either work on finding a solution for your problem or get away from it. Everything else is just rubbish.

  • Are you holding on to forgiveness?

Don’t hold on to resentment or Unforgiveness, you are only hurting yourself. Do what ever you have to do, and move on. There’s a reason the rear view mirror is small and the windshield is large.

  • Are you being responsible for your own feeling’s, actions, and thinking?

Your feeling’s, actions, and the way you think are not someone else’s responsibility. don’t try and push them on anyone else.

Do some cognitive reframing in your life. Shift your mindset to look at situations, people, and relationships from a different angle.

What I Would Attempt If It Was Guaranteed

What’s something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail.

I would love to homestead. Living off the grid can be a sustainable natural way of life that can be successful t living off the resources of the land.

It involves providing for yourself and your future with wisdom and reverence. It includes being self-reliant, self-efficacy, preparedness, autonomy, and a deep connection to the natural world.

Basically it is living off the land. Living off grid as some people call it. And it’s a lot of hard work. They use homemade remedies and essential oil for health issues.

Building a home from mostly natural land resources would be challenging, along with producing your own food.

It is something that cannot be done alone. It takes a partner who makes the choice to work hard with you.

The idea of living in nature and living off the land entices me. It would be something I would do, if I had the guarantee that I would not fail. Because failing means losing everything.

Warning Signs Of Hitting Rock Bottom

What is rock bottom? The term is commonly use with someone with an addiction, but you don’t need to have a dependent issue to go to a very dark place.

For those who have experienced , low blows in life, they remember all to well the pain and heartache that comes from hitting the lowest places. But there are warning signs that can help you before things get too bad.

It’s in the times of declaration that people make silly mistakes. It’s like your mind is a rubber and it just keeps stretching things until they’re worn thin and eventually will break.

There are warning signs that rock-bottom is intimate if you know what to look for. We all have to be proactive about our mental help and take the necessary precautions to keep our sanity sometimes.

One of the first indication that something is wrong with the person is that they no longer take care of their personal needs, they just stop caring about how the look. Much of the world gets out of bed, takes a shower, brushes their teeth, but when people hit rock bottom, depression sets in, and find themselves in the pits of disparity. If you feel like it is significant told to take care of your body, it’s a sign that you’re nearing rock-bottom and need help.

The second indication is feeling hopeless and helpless. Everyone has problems, but sometimes you can feel like there’s no way to escape the issues that have you bound. When these feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, but your mind getting help is essential. Suicide rates have risen 2.6% in the last year. Overall, about 49,449 Americans have lost their life in suicide in 2022.

The third warning is that you begin Alienating the people in your inner circle. It’s hard to keep your cool and say all the right things when you’re not in a good place. You may snap at that friend or loved ones without meaning to do so, and feel so horrible but you lash out at anyone and everyone around you. One of the signs that you’re spiraling out of control is that you start to alienate those around you.

Then comes physical illness. Always was having headaches or stomach aches, and a gentle, feeling of being unwell in a clear sign. When you’re feeling helpless and hopeless, you can have a significant impact on your psych. If you’ve been to the doctor, and they have found nothing wrong, it’s a sign that you’re breaking down.

Your mind, body, and spirit are connected. So you will suffer physically when your not doing well mentally or spiritually.

Job woes, if you have problems at work. I can be a sign. Things aren’t going well with you. Do you trying to call off more of these days, or being a performance lack luster?

It’s hard to pull yourself out of bed in the morning and go to work when you start hitting rock-bottom work is a near impossibility for you. If you’re on the verge of being fired, it’s another sign that you’re in a low place.

Many people try to escape their problems by taking mental vacations. Drugs and alcohol seem to numb your mind so you do not have to feel the negative emotions you’re experiencing.

Severe mood swings can also be a sign that you’ve hit rock bottom. You may be grumpy, irritable, and downright mean when your emotional health is not good. Others will no doubt notice your mood changes, and may steer clear of you. Other people might say “why are you so cranky what’s wrong?”

Crying, it’s is a very cleansing thing to have a good cry. It releases all those pent-up emotions and cleanse our souls. However, when tears come effortlessly to your eyes, and you can’t seem to stop, crying is the sound of trouble.

Everyone cries, but if you find you’re doing it a little too much, it could be a sign that you’re headed for trouble. Some people tend to cry more than others, but if you cry at the drop of the hat, it should be evaluated.

Sleeping too much or too little is another warning sign. Someone who’s near rock-bottom may find out all they want to do is sleep. Sleep is another way to escape the reality of the world around you, and it’s a coping mechanism that many people use.

Conversely, someone who can’t sleep and has insomnia may also be a sign of having impeding issues. Your body cannot go without sleep, a lack of rest, and make you mentally and physically sick.

When people are suffering from anxiety, panic, or about to hit rock bottom, they may not want to leave their home. It can turn quickly into condition, known as agoraphobia, which is someone who is afraid to go be on the four walls that they are accustomed to. If shipping beyond your home brings on a panic, it’s a sign or not in a good place.

When you hit rock bottom, you lose faith in humanity. You have no faith for anyone or everything around you. You begin to wonder if there’s a higher power or if your family have your best intentions at heart. When we lost faith in the world and be a scary place.

Remember, it’s not the number of times you fall and hit rock bottom that defined you. Each time you choose to get up and try again you get stronger and better -that’s what counts.

Life comes with many storms that we must all weather, and it doesn’t matter how much money we have in our bank account or even our last name. The key is whatever is causing you to have a hard time, you have do evaluate it and treat it. We can all get through dark seasons, if we get to the root of what’s causing them.

Like A Rock

“The rain came down, the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat on that house; and it didn’t fall, for it was founded on the rock” -Matthew 7:25

“The rain came down, the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat on that house; and it fell -and great was it’s fall” Matthew 7:27

Jesus use an analogy to describe this. He told a story about two men, one who built his house on sand, and one who built his house on a rock. When the storms came, the rock propped up the wise man’s house. The sand foundation, however, allowed the foolish madhouse to be washed away and destroyed.

The rock in the story represents Jesus, who is always there. He is always solid and consistent -a reliable foundation for us. The sound represents other worldly things. Some ‘sand’ Such as drugs and alcohol can destroy your life. Other sand, such as social acceptance, and possessions can be great things that God created for our enjoyment, but we can take him to far and place too much importance on them. All of them, unlike God, will fail us.

When the storms of life come – a disappointing season, an injury, a family argument, a friend lets us down, or we are rejected we can either become rooted in God and have a constant, reliable, foundation. Or we can rely on the world which is shaky, and unreliable. We need to ask ourselves what do we stand on the rock or the sand.