Where Have All Our Values Gone?

What is happening to our American values? You remember values, don’t you? You know those moral thoughts and behaviors we used to hold dear, like decency, civility, optimism, empathy, and tolerance?

This country was a beacon of idealism a d progressive values to people the world over. It’s the foundation of principles, the U.S. Constitution, and the Declaration of Independence were revered at home and emulated abroad. American children, we’re taught their significance and education and knowledge were cornerstones of our achievement.

A sense of being part of the American community enhanced our citizens. The Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, symbolizing lofty ideas and values, welcomed millions of immigrants to our shores. The newcomers (our ancestors ) worked hard, contributed to this country, and their children thrived, sharing the American dream.

The values above represented the best of humanity and fostered a culture of benevolence, creativity, and opportunity.

But that was then, and this is now

This is Now referred to as the current ”alt-values” prevail today which are antithetical to those ”best of humanity” values. These words and actions convey anger, rudeness, hate, greed, lying, selfishness, intolerance, and callousness.

ourselves

These alt principles and codes of behavior are the trademarks of the incivility we witness on a daily basis, often expressed with rancor and rage. They have become commonplace on television, in social media, and in everyday life. Of even more concern is that these new ”moral standards” serve as models of behavior for our impressionable children and youth.

There is no doubt that we live in a dangerous world, both at home and abroad, and we must certainly be vigilant and protect ourselves. But in the all-encompassing service of strengthening our forces and intelligence agencies, we could lose sight of our basic human values and diminish the essence of what made this country so exceptional.

Citizens in a democracy are encouraged to either criticize or support political parties and policies. But in the current alt-values climate political conflict has become filled with insults and invective.

The discordant words and behavior of political leaders can be toxic to the core values we cherished. If the new norm consists of demeaning and disrespectful utterances, or bullying and belligerent behaviors. We invite the de line and degradation of our nation’s better valued and our quality of life

Demagoguery engenders anger hatred and fear, and these emotional viruses can easily spread among a vulnerable population through a process known as social contagion. These negative emotions insinuate themselves into the social atmosphere, wreaking have with people’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

What does Positive Energy Have to do with Stress?

Our bodies give off an energy that affected the people around us, which in turn affects us.

Negative energy has a tendency to interpret things in the world in a pessimistic way and is self-limiting. It creates significant stress in your life, and exacerbate the stressful situations you already face. It just keeps adding stress to you in such a way eventually you break.

So, developing positive energy is an important way to reduce these stresses. You need to help yourself maintain a positive frame of mind by surrounding yourself with positive energy.

Negative energy has consequences that may not be obvious and even to those people, you come in contact with.

Some of the insidious effects of negative self-talk are:

Negative energy increases the perception of stress. When your inner energy and dialogue, are negative, it can actually exacerbate your perception of what you face, making something that is annoying feel unmanageable, or something that’s a little stressful seem like a nightmare. Negative energy from other people around you makes you feel negative all the time. When you can change your negative energy to positive you can change yourself and the people around you. If you feel negative all the time and can’t get out of that rut you need to change the way you live your life drastically.

I went from a negative childhood into a negative marriage it took time to get out of that negative energy rut, but making the choice to change made all the difference in the world.

To transform your mood from negative to positive surround yourself with positive people energy, feelings, and people and things will begin to change.

I am healthier, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my back. I surround myself with positive energy and most importantly when someone around me is giving off negative energy I ask them to stop while I’m around them or I walk away. I am to important to be around negative people. And so are you.

These are things to change your negative energy like uplifting music, Inspirational books, positive people, practicing positive affirmations, being loving and kind to yourself, and reframe your thought.

Remember you are allowed to change your thoughts. If a negative thought comes in tell it ”NO” get out. And change it to a positive thought. You may have to do this several times like many habits they can be difficult to change. Keep at it. Don’t give up.

Once you give off positive energy you can help other people change their lives too. Be part of the solution not part of the problem.

Tips For Getting Through Hard And Chaotic Times.

Let go of expectations.

The more expectations we put on things we can’t control, the more frustrated we get. When we expect things to go a certain way or people to act a certain way, and then they do, we feel frustrated, annoyed and even angry. We don’t see that we set ourselves up for failure from the very beginning.

I used to live my life expecting things to go and certain way. I would plan out in my head who was supposed to do what and why. And expected to go exactly the was it was in my head, then when It didn’t I would become hysterical and scream and cry and complain. I was always stressed out, angry and confused for days after trying to figure out why everything didn’t go as planned. I was disrupting my own life.

If we just take things as they come, with acceptance and compassion we have a much greater experience and much fewer conflicts. People’s words and actions hurt less. Delays and obstacles seem less frustrating. And we keep our focus more on the present.

Appreciate the small wins.

Sometimes life is so hard, so chaotic, so painful, that it’s okay to take the pressure off. Sometimes we just need to make it through the day. One minute at a time. One obstacle at a time. One small win at a time.

The more we focus on small wins the more we can ride whatever chaos throws at us.

Find your Grounding.

When things we rely on to keep us grounded give way. It can be very unnerving. Like the earth beneath us is suddenly slipping away.

Sometimes Life throws wrenches in our plans and sometimes we can no longer count on our homes, families, or our jobs to give us the security we long for. The instability can be rattling and make us want to break down in defeat. In these times we can find simple ways to ground ourselves no matter where we are or what we’re facing.

A cup of tea, a walk outside, or even a daily check with a good friend can be all we really need to find some footing amongst the instability. We can’t always fix things right away, but with a little bit of mindfulness, the smallest habits can provide massive comfort.

Never underestimate a cup of tea to break the chaos in a difficult situation.

Seek Silver Linings.

Look for the good things in every situation. No matter what you’re going through in life you can always find them if you look.

Create Magic Within Chaos.

Life can be chaotic. And exhausting. But there is still magic, small wins and silver linings. The more you look for the, the more they’ll keel you grounded until the chaos clears.

Power Is It Good Or Bad?

Personal power is often confused with the control of others. Personal power frees people from the need to control or be controlled. Personal power is not power or control over someone or something else., either overt or covert. A speaker has personal power by focusing on the message and by choosing direct. And clear words that deliver that message: this allows them to get on with the business of problem-solving. Exploring alternatives and making decisions.

This message covers assertiveness skills that are involved in developing and keeping personal power. The discussions begins with blocks- things that keep people from being powerful-and then considers the use of power-language, the identification of personal rights, the right to say ”no” and the importance of an assertive inner dialogue.

Blocks to Assertiveness.

Many people who know what assertiveness is and how to use it, and what it’s benefits are, still aren’t assertive. Why not? When they start listing the reasons why assertiveness ” won’t work” in particular, situations, they come up with reasons like” it won’t do any good, ” and I really can handle it- her just die.” I couldn’t handle it- I’m not tough enough.”

These reasons are blocks to assertiveness. They are really self-imposed boundaries, and the fears they express are exaggerated: he won’t actually die, and I really can handle it. People use these block to deflect the focus of the action and the responsibility onto the other: what the other person might think, feel or act. The speaker then, continues to act in the say old way: passive/aggressive.

Fears, Fears, Fears.

People block themselves from communicating effectively because of fears such as these.

Fears of taking responsibility for self.

Fear of taking risks.

Fear of telling their thoughts or feelings.

Fear of feelings: projections of feeling onto another.

Fears related to past experiences.

The most common blocks.

Blaming- people block themselves by blaming someone or something else. I’d be happier with my job if it weren’t for my boss or my body makes me feel like I wish I were dead, or you make me sad.

Inappropriate behavior. (it would be so rude). Using this block the speaker focuses on what is acceptable behavior: polite, nice. The speaker may avoid assertive behavior such as saying ”no” sharing information about feelings and thoughts or confronting others because it might be abrasive or pushy or crabby.

It’s harmful and wasteful. ( it’s more trouble than it’s worth). People often excuse themselves from being responsible by citing reasons why it’s not worth the trouble. They might contend that it’s harmful. ”I don’t want to hurt my Father.” or it’s a waste of time. My boss has better things to do with her time than worry about how I feel. Some people contend that being assertive, in some situations, doesn’t work. ”i start asserting myself, he’ll just stop listening to me. I’ll be worse off than I am now.

Fear of rejection ( He’ll never talk to me again). A common reason some speakers cite for not being assertive is that they may be personally rejected by the other. ” He’ll laugh in my face” or ”She’ll never listen to what I have to say.”

Fear of a response (Who know what she’ll do?) People who use this block focus on how the other person will react, and often foresee drastic consequences. ” (He’ll never speak to me again” or ”She’ll throw my clothes out into the street.

Fear of losing control (That’d be just too much.” Many speakers have a fear of losing control of themselves or of the other person. Some fear that if they’re assertive, they’ll lose control and cry, or get angry, or do something they’ll always regret. ”I might walk out.” Others fear that if they’re assertive they’ll lose their accustomed control over the other person. ”If I don’t tell him whom to work with on this project, he’ll pick the wrong people, and it’ll end up being a sloppy job.”

Fear that the other person can’t handle it. Some speakers assume that the other person cannot handle the information, and must be protected from the facts. ”He’s having a difficult time right now. That’ll just drive him over the edge or she’ll have a nervous breakdown.

Saying ”I don’t know how.” Often people excuse themselves from being assertive by saying I don’t know how to be assertive, this may meaning I don’t know and I don’t want to know or it may mean I don’t know how and really do- I just don’t want to talk about it. A very common version is this one: I don’t understand what you mean by feelings. The I DON’T KNOW block withholds information, puts the other person down, and sets the speakers apart from the listener.

Your Life Will Be Better If You Pursue Meaning Instead OF Happiness.

You don’t become happy by pursuing happiness. You become happy by living a life that means something.

If you’re feeling unmotivated, unsure of yourself, aimless, you’re not alone. Many people are in the same boat.

Today right now is the best time ever to choose to do something that truly matters. Something meaningful to you.

Meaning is enduring. It connects the past to the present to the future. The more meaningful our lives feel. The more joy we experience.

Meaningful activities generate positive emotions and deepen social connections, both of which increase your satisfaction with life.

Research shows that focusing on happiness in life is actually self-defeating.

Happiness is the wrong pursuit!

Many people have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose

In fact, you won’t be as happy in life as you expect if you got a promotion tomorrow or even get 15% increase in salary.

You will be glad in the short term, but in the long-term, you won’t necessarily be happy.

Don’t spend your valuable time seeking your own happiness. You will end up feeling more shallow than you can ever imagine.

Pursuing meaning however makes you feel good about yourself because you are pursuing something bigger than yourself.

Something that make you come alive.

When you understand how you contribute value, you will attach meaning to even the smallest thing you do and connect the dots between your efforts and a larger purpose. The most motivating choices are ones that align with your why and your purpose.

When our definition of happiness is synonymous with pleasure and easy gratification won’t intimately bring us deeper feelings of fulfillment; it won’t allow us to live on our sweet spot. Although we claim the pursuit of happiness is our inalienable right and primary drive of the human race, we humans do better pursuing fulfillment and meaning- creating lives that generate the feelings that we matter.

One of the best ways to derive fulfillment as an employee is to work on projects you initiate. Something you are responsible for.

If you can make initiates and implement a lot of your own ideas, instead of reacting to actions others expect of you, your chances of finding fulfillment could double.

For many people, reactionary actions take up more of their days work than actions they initiate.

Choose your pursuits prodently!

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

Mark Twain

Who you pursue something is as equally important as what you pursue.

Start something greater than yourself.

Something you truly believe in.

Your pursuit should be meaningful to you.

Purpose eases the pain of the, long hours and gives you the fortitude to fail.

It makes menial tasks meaningful and even fulfilling.

Many historic innovators of our time started something with the underlying belief that they can create something of great and lasting significance what others are not willing to do.

And guess what they found fulfillment in the process, no matter how small the pursuit was.

When you seek purpose, you acknowledge room for possibility.

It challenges you – and it invites others to help you pursue something of greater significance to you and the rest of the world.

Choose to be your authentic self.

Let go of who you think you should be, embrace who you are and watch the magic of purposeful pursuit unfold.

Tactics Manipulators Use to Win and Confuse You

To know your Enemy is good advice when dealing with a manipulator. It allows you to respond strategically. Most people react in ways that escalate abuse and or play into the hands of the abuser to make you feel small, guilty, doubt yourself, retreat, and allow unacceptable behavior. Understanding what they’re up to empowers you.

When people behave passive-aggressive, what appears passive is defensive is covert aggression. It’s debatable to what extent their behavior is conscious or unconscious. To the victim, it doesn’t matter. The effect is the same. Being overly-empathic puts you in jeopardy of being mistreated again and again. When someone attacks you overtly or convert, they’re being aggressive.

Covert manipulators intentionally say and do things to get what they want- for power and control. For example, characterology disturbed, such as sociopaths and narcissists and some people with a borderline personality disorder. Their tactics may be unconsciously in a way that defense mechanisms normally operate. However, their behavior is so habitual that over time it becomes reflexive. They don’t even think about it, but are still conscious of it.

Goals of a Manipulator.

The goal of manipulation is to gain influence to get our needs met, but habitual manipulators. Do so for power and control and use deceptive and abusive methods. Manipulators maintain domination through continuous, recurring, emotional manipulation, aggressive, abuse, and coercive control. Often they’re passive-aggressive. They may lie or act caring or hurt or shocked by your complaints- all to deflect any criticism and to continue to behave in an unacceptable manner. In maintaining control to do what they wish, manipulators aim.

They do this to:

To Avoid being confronted.

To put you on the defensive.

To make you doubt yourself and your perceptions.

To hide their aggressive intent.

To avoid responsibly.

To not have to change.

Eventually, you are victimized and lose trust in yourself and your feelings and perceptions. Gaslighting is a treacherous, disabling form of manipulation.

Covert Manipulative Tactics.

Manipulation may include overt aggression, such as criticism, narcissistic abuse, and subtle forms of emotional abuse. Favorite concert weapons of manipulators are; guilt, complaining, comparing, lying, denying, feigning ignorance or innocence (who me!), blame, bribery, undermining, mind games, assumptions, reversals, emotional blackmail, evasiveness, forgetting, ignoring, fake concern, sympathy, apologizes, flattery, and gifts and favors. Typical tactics are described below.

Lying

Habitual liars sometimes lie when it’s necessary. They aren’t lying because they’re afraid and guilty, but to confuses you and do what the want. Some simultaneously put you on the defensive with accusations and other manipulative tactics.

Lying may also be indirect through vagueness and/or omission of material information though everything else said is true. For example, a cheater might say he or she was working late or at the gym, but not admit to a adulterous rendezvous.

This isn’t denial that’s unconscious, lie not realizing you’re being abused, have an addiction, or are avoiding facing difficult truth. This is conscious denial to disclaim knowledge of promises, agreements, and behavior. Denial also includes minimization and rationalization or excuses. The manipulator acts as if you’re making a big deal over nothing or rationalize and excuses his or her actions to make you doubt yourself or even to gain sympathy.

Avoidance

Manipulators want to avoid being being confronted and taking responsibility at all costs. They may avoid conversations about their behavior by simply refusing to discuss it. This might be combined with an attack, lie, “You’re always nagging me,” putting you on the defensive with blame, guilt, or shame.

Avoidance can be subtle and unnoticeable when a manipulator shifts the subject. It may be camouflaged with boasting, compliments, or remarks you want to hear, like. “You know how much I care about you.” You might forget why you were upset in the first place.

Another avoidance tactic is evasiveness that blurs the facts, confuses you and plants doubt. I once was in a relationship who claimed because I was to precise and he was a gloss-over kind of guy. He felt uncomfortable because I asked too many questions and note inconsistencies in his half truths. He was a manipulator. I’ve experienced this so many times. I need someone who is truthful and kind. Although it was easy for me to give someone the benefit of the doubt and go into denial when your hopeful about a relationship. If you have doubts don’t staying in a relationship lie this. Avoid it at all costs. Your life will reaps the rewards.

Blame, Guilt, and Shame

These tactics include projection, a defense where the manipulator accuses others of his/hers behavior. Manipulators believe” The best defense is a good defense, by shifting blame, the aggrieved person is now on the defensive. The manipulator remains innocent and free to carry on, while their victims now feel guilt and shame.

Abusers are known to blame their victims or anyone else. Addicts typically blame the addiction on other people, their demanding boss or “bitchy” spouse.A criminal defendant with no defense will attack the police on their methods of collecting evidence. Rapists used to be able to attack the reputation of their victims. In a domestic violence case, the husband, who had beaten his wife, blames her for his violence.

Guilt-tripping and shaming shift the focus onto you, which weakens you while the abuser feels superior. Martyrs use guilt when the say imply, “After all I’ve done for you…” sometimes combined with criticism that you’re selfish or ungrateful.

Shaming goes beyond guilt to make you feel inadequate. It demeans you as a person, your traits, or role, not just your actions. ‘The children would behave if the had a father who knew how to parent (or made a decent living.) comparing is a subtle, but powerful form of shaming. It’s harmful when parents compare siblings with each other or with playmates. Some spouses compare their mate to their ex to have the upper hand by making their mate feel inferior.

Guilt or shames may include “blaming the victim” for example, you find evidence on your partners phone that he or she is flirting. Your partner acts outraged that you went into their phone. Now he or she has switched the focus onto you. By playing the victim, your partner avoids a confrontation about flirting, which may also be lied about, minimized, or circumvented altogether. You, the real victim, feel guilty for spying, undercutting and justified anger, and may thereby allow the flirting to continue unaddressed.

Imtimadation

Intimidation isn’t always with direct threats, but can be subtle. Intimidation can be achieved with a look or tone and statements alike. “I always get my way,” “no ones ones-irreplaceable,” “ The grass is always greener,” “ I have methods and friends in high places,” “You’re not so young anymore” or “ have you considered the repercussions of that decision?”

Another strategy is telling a story meant to provoke fear, such as “She left her husband and lost her kids, their house, everything” or “I fight to win I once almost killed a guy.”

I actually had a guy tell me if I ever tried to leave him we were going to go for a ride and he would drive off a cliff and kill us both. What would you do in that situation? I waited until he left for work the next day. And I packed my things and was gone. There is absolutely no reason to stay in a relationship with an manipulator, don’t try and convince yourself you love him or her.

playing the Victim

This is distinct from blaming the victim. Rather than blame you, this “poor me” tactic arouses your guilt and sympathy so I’ll do their bidding. “ I don’t know what I’ll you if you don’t help me.” More disordered personalities often threaten suicide if you leave. It can also take the form of “you don’t care about me,” “ Why do you treat me like this? Or “nobody help me.”

Compliance breeds you resentment, damages the relationship, and encourages continued manipulation. Guilt over someone else’s behavior or predicament is irrational guilt.

This tactics are destructive. Over time, you can be traumatized and your self-worth severely damaged. Awareness is the first step. You may need help to see things clearly. Write out conversations and try to identify abuse and all the tactics used. Harder still is not taking the words on the manipulator personally and learning how to respond.

7 Types of Negativity To Kill

Perfectionism-

Trying to achieve something that’s literally unattainable will only result in feeling less than.

Judgment Over Yourself And Others-

When you are judgemental, you are only focusing on the negative qualities in yourself and others.

Self-Doubt-

Self-doubt is a weed that will take over your life if you don’t kill it at the root.

Assuming The Worst Will Happen-

If you never think things will be better, they won’t be. This removes hope.

Worry-

Worrying changes nothing except your health and mental state.

Trying To Control Everything–

You can’t control everything and when you try and inevitably fail, you will only blame yourself.

Knowing Yourself Is The Beginning Of All Wisdom.

To truly know yourself is the most important skill you can ever possess. When you know who you are, you know what you need to do, instead of looking for permission from others to do what you already know you ought to do. It allows you to bypass tons of frustration caused by putting time into the wrong things. Yes, life is supposed to be full of trials and errors, but that lets you find the best areas for you to experiment with in the first place. Once you know yourself, you will become more confident, you will understand your purpose, and you begin making a bigger impact on the world.

So how can you know who you are and what you ought to do in life? Here are some steps you need to take in order to know your true self.

Be Quiet.

You cannot and will not be able to know yourself until you take the time to be still. Many people don’t know themselves because any sort of silence scares them; it’s too uncomfortable to be alone with every flaw staring at them. But it isn’t until you get alone, that you can elevate yourself and are completely truthful with yourself that you will actually be able to see every facet of your life- the good and the bad. Be quiet and discover your true self.

Realize who you truly are, not what you want to be.

I know you already have a set idea of who you desperately want to be, but it might not be who you were designed to be, this is why knowing who you really are is so important. When you know who you are m you will finally see where you and your gifts fit into the bigger picture.

And although there are many points along your jour to help you discover yourself, the best way to begin is to take a personality test and the Strength Finder test. These self-evaluations aren’t perfect, but they do pinpoint your top areas of strengths, so you can focus on the change you were meant to bring to the world

Find what you are good at (and not what your good at).

This might be the most difficult step in the process of finding who you are, but it’s a necessary one. Sure, it takes trial and error to find at what you’re good at, a d no. I don’t want you to give up before you’ve had more than enough attempts, but knowing when to quit is a gift that everyone needs to learn.

Quit when you’ve put ample time and your efforts aren’t giving back in return. What is ample time? Only you can decide that. But when you quit correctly, it isn’t giving up, it’s making room for something better. When your actions do nothing but drain you- rather than drive to do more, that’s a good sign it is time to focus elsewhere. Your strengths will show you who you are.

Find what you are passionate about.

Following passions of any kind is a good thing, and you need to pay attention when it comes because it indicates an area of life you need to pay more attention to. If we’re talking about following your passion for work it’s a good thing. And if we’re talking about having more passion for life, it’s a good thing. Focus more on passion; understand yourself in better ways, and you’ll make a bigger impact. Passion produces effort and continuous effort produces results.

Ask For Feedback.

If you don’t know yourself, hearing what others have to say about you is a helpful practice. Ask them to simple questions: What strengths do you think I need to develop further? And What weaknesses do you think I need to work on? Of course, their opinion isn’t going to be perfect, but their feedback will probably indicate a few areas you should at least take a second look at. This step is especially important for those who are stuck in finding themselves. Sometimes those closest to us can see something we might not be able to see ourselves.

Assess your relationships.

A large aspect of knowing yourself can be found in your relationships. When you realize you’ll never truly know anyone else until you discover yourself, the importance of know yourself becomes more apparent. This truth especially rings true for business leaders, because if you don’t know the people on your team, then you will be lost as a leader. But this rule also applies to any relationship in your life. Almost as much as you need to know yourself, other people also need to know who you are. People need you- the real you.

Use your reflections to fight your biggest fears, because when you understand who you are meant to be, your purpose will finally become bigger than your fears. When you realize who you are, you will spend less time spinning your wheels. Focusing on your strengths gives you the needed traction to begin making a bigger and better difference in the world. When you know yourself, you will find more peace, and you will find success quicker than ever before.