Love: A Feeling Or A Choice?

A lot of people accept live as a feeling and think nothing of it. They can feel it in their hearts, and they know when they know. Love isn’t complicated; it’s simple . Look no further than any fantasy movie. Just follow you heart, Right?

The Problem With A Feeling

Viewing love as a feeling can be detrimental to a relationship that depends on the feeling. The honeymoon effect is a real thing. When it fades, it leaves a lot of people reeling and questioning their relationship.

Counting on the feeling of love to carry a relationship is like relying on your passion for writing to inspire you to write everyday. If you ask any writer they will tell you that’s not the case, and ask any couple that has been together for 40 years and they will tell you the same.

Viewing love as a feeling either keeps people in toxic relationships or leads to divorce after a year of marriage. People tend to trust their feeling over their situation and circumstance, and either stay in damaging relationships or have early divorces. Because they have lost the intense feeling of love,

Not everyone goes into marriage based on a feeling. Couples who know it takes work are the ones that last forever.

Love Is A Choice

The internet is full of articles saying the idea that love is a choice. But, love is a decision we choose daily to show our partner that we love them. It has nothing to do with a feeling, it’s about recognizing loving your mate regardless of how you feel, showing your partner that you love them. Love is not described as a Nike commercial “Just Do It.”

The Problem With Choice

Love as a choice can be harmful when people hold their partner to this standard. “They didn’t choose to do this, so they don’t love or care for me.”

When people view love as a choice, it can lead to people questioning the other person’s feelings, when they don’t respond the way they would like them too.

If someone loves singing or writing, but isn’t very good at it people don’t question if they love it or not; they accept that they love it and their not necessarily good at it.

It can be a roadblock, when one person was raised with the love and words of love growing up and the other person was not. They both have differing expectations of what love is.

But, if someone doesn’t respond to their emotional needs, they believe they don’t care (which isn’t true). People don’t tell others to choose to be a better singer or writer, by calling love a choice, it creates a mindset that their partner should choose to be good at it. and that mindset will always disappoint.

The Choice Mindset

The choice mindset is terrible simplification of a complex emotional need and action. If you tell someone that love is a choice, it’s like telling someone to just choose to stop being depressed. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.

Love Is A Skill

Like all skills people are either good or bad at it. It takes hard work to learn a skill, and unfortunately some never learn.

Being patient, kind, understanding, supporting, compassionate, reliable, and a host of other qualities that are associated with love are not something can just choose, it takes skill, time, and hard work.

When we think of love as a skill, it takes into account the complications of love and people. It challenges us to elevate our love and relationships to find the areas that need improvement and causes us to focus on how to better love our partner’s.

When we recognize that people are at different stages in life, have different experiences and world views, personalities, parenting styles, attachment styles, and backgrounds that aka impact what someone brings into a relationship.

The reason that relationships don’t work out, isn’t because of an absence of love. Multitudes of relationships have ended because the didn’t love each other enough, but because they couldn’t or wouldn’t put the hard work into the relationship.

Love Isn’t Complicated. People Are.

How Suffering Brings Us Closer To God

Does God Punish?

There are many people who pointed to the relief that God does not punish, but if you can on what you mean by punishment. If you were thinking of punishment as God watching down from a cloud in heaven ready to rain down lightning bolt upon the first sign of sin, Then of course God does not punish, at least not in this way. A great deal of suffering that we face in life is just a natural process of having to deal with consequences of our actions.

Free will is a great gift, but it comes with great responsibility. God chose that instead of making us into mindless robots or slaves that must do His bidding at every moment. He would rather make us in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:26) Giving us the amazing power to make rational decisions, the power to choose our own path. Whether we choose the right path or the wrong one, there are consequences.

When we follow God we are rewarded with the benefits of living in a relationship with Him, His grace flows freely and generously into our lives. However, there are effect what turning away as well. Should you choose to rob a bank there are consequences right? You will be hunted by the authorities. You will lose your rights as a citizen. Much will be taken away from you for tying to take property away from others.

This type of suffering it’s not dealt out my God, but it’s a direct result of bad decisions that you will have to live with. Every action has a reaction. Isaac newton saw this in the study of physics:

Every action there is always opposed an equal reaction.

Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion

Every decision has consequences good or bad accordingly.

That being said, we can agree that there are some instances of suffering in the world that are difficult to reconcile with the idea of God being all good. But the people affected by war and terrorism aren’t necessarily the one who made the bad decisions could have brought about your current circumstance. They suffer because others have made bad decisions. It is much more difficult to find purpose in this type of suffering.

The Discipline Of A Father

So you must know in your heart that, even Eggman disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.

Deuteronomy 8:5

So when it comes to personal suffering that is usually result of our bad choices, the consequences can most often be seen as discipline. It doesn’t always make it go easier to go through and sometimes we aren’t able to see it that way until after the fact. But the Bible is pretty clear on the idea that God is our father and as any Father He wants what’s best for us. He wants us to achieve our goals potential. And if there is a need for us to learn a lesson. He’ll take it vantage of our mistakes to help us grow. Not to make us writhe about in pain and suffering, but to show us a better way (1 Corinthians12:31). It’s like me eating more chocolate than I should and then getting a migraine the next day. I chose to eat the chocolate now I have to reap the migraine.

If we discerned ourselves, we would not be under judgment; Since we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world

1 Corinthians 11:32

God wants to see us at our best. No parent want to see their child suffer, but sometimes you have to step back and allow their child to learn something from the situation or circumstances in which they find themselves, even if that means a little suffering. This doesn’t make them bad parents, in fact it makes you a better parents.

Embracing Suffering As Good

Kind of passive approach allows a child to realize that there are consequences to their actions, and to face the consequences and grow through the process. Children don’t you hate your parents because of this, but later in life come to appreciate the fact that their parents allowed them to learn these important lessons.

The discipline of the Lord, my son, do not spurn; do not disdain His reproof: For whom the Lord loves He reproves, as a Father, the son He favors

Proverbs 3:11-12

Only a parent who truly loves her title will discipline them, because suffering or a child means suffering for the parent. It hurts to watch your child go through a difficult time at any age, but a good parent loves her child enough to step back and left left and we learned This is true discipline. It needs having an ability to step in and save in any moment, but actively choosing not to because often the result of that suffering is worse the pain with the moment.

I admit, I just difficult to understand when you are the one suffering. In the mist of struggle and the storms of life, all one can think about it when will it end. We often question.” Why am I going through this? Why is this so hard? But when the suffering finally comes to an end, in retrospect it’s obvious benefit is had

When we think about it, Christ’s suffering has value, a fact we must have proven. It is the lesson that Jesus teaches us on the cross, the redemptive power of suffering. There is good and suffering, even in the death of Christ. So even in our own lives, and in difficulty, the struggle, the storms of life, We can find hope and like the Fatherly discipline of God, leading not to “take it like a man,” but to see suffering is an opportunity for God to work in our lives, to teach us new lessons, to help us grow, and to make us holy.

All captioning seems for the present not to be joyous but grievous; yet afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised .

Hebrews 12:11

Learning To Love Suffering

Suffering is not easy. That’s kind of the point. It’s difficult because only in difficult situations do we really grow. To suffer should is to be challenged on some level. There are some people who suffer much more than others, and whether the suffering is physical, spiritual, emotional, psychological, the purpose of that suffering should be seen as an opportunity for growth.

I always think about physical exercise and those who work out. In order to be in shape or build muscle you have to exert significant amount of physical strain on your body. It hurts, especially when you’re just getting started. You will feel sore. For most people it’s not fun. But the results of the pain and difficulty are worth it.

Our hope for Is firm, for we know that as we share in the sufferings, you also share in the encouragement.

2 Corinthians 1:7

Some Bibles translate the word encouragement as consolation which I think gives a greater silence in the truth of this verse. What Paul is getting at is that suffering it’s not just God’s way of making our lives difficult so He can watch writhing about in pain. In fact, He actually saying that through our suffering our eyes are opened in a sense to be able to see Him in a whole new light.

How Suffering Helps Us To See God

Blessed are the pure in heart or they will see God.

Matthew 5:8

Being pure of heart, leads to holiness of life. So, obviously when we give ourselves over to sin, it will become harder for us to “see God.” I’ve heard this concept explained like this; Pictures God’s grace, like the rain. God is continually pouring out his grace, running it down upon us. However, when we sin it is like we open the umbrella over our heads. The grace doesn’t stop raining down on us but it’s prevented from ever reaching us. Until the umbrella is put away, or until we are forgiven or absolves of our sin the grace of God pour into our lives once again.

God doesn’t want us to suffer for suffering sake, but so that we can better know Him. The Saints knew this. In fact, many of them not only welcome suffering, but desired it. It sounds crazy to us, but it makes sense once we are able to see suffering as an opportunity rather than a burden.

We have to pass through many trials before reaching the haven of peace, before tasting the delicious fruits of God’s perfect love and of the complete abandonment to God’s will.

It’s clear if we look at the example of Jesus’s suffering. He understood the ultimate suffering all for the sake of you and I. But that wasn’t the end of it. He didn’t suffer to suffer. He wasn’t a masochist. His suffering was for our salvation, it shows us how God loves. His pain brought us closer to God.

It might be helpful for you to think about that next time you are going through a difficult time: How might God be providing me with an opportunity to grow through this suffering?

Burning not only to accept suffering, but even more so to embrace it, to desire it, is to walk in the way of the Saints. They are able to see suffering in a new light and reap the benefits of its power.

From Affliction To Affection

One of my favorite songs is “ How He loves us by David Crowder Band. It speaks to the point that we have been exploring here today. Suffering and addictions are unavoidable. They are in evitable. They are also necessary as part of life and especially when it comes to our relationship with God. Through our suffering we are open up to a deeper understanding of God‘s love for us and the difficulty of the suffering is overshadowed by the blessing of God’s grace in our lives.

All of the sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipse by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and great your affections are for me.

David Crowder Band, “How He Loves Us

You change my morning into dancing; You took off my sackcloth and called me with gladness.

Psalm 30:12

Have you ever seen the power of redemptive suffering in your life?

Embrace Being Unique

There are so many people who believe they aren’t enough. They hate that their different from the everyday crowd, the try so hard to be someone their not. Being unique is something wonderful. No one can be quite like you, and that’s such a great feeling. You’re a likable person. For so many years I felt like I was not enough, once I embraced being unique, I felt free for the first time in my life. It was an amazing person.

Everyone is different. We all think, talk, learn and pray, and live differently than others. While many think it’s important to fit in with “the crowd,” it’s not as great as it may seem. Think about it; if all of your friends lived the same lives as you did, wouldn’t life be boring with them? The best part about friendship is everyone thinks differently. We all contribute something special to the table, just like you.

We all follow our own unique culture. Everyone has their own dreams and their own ways of pursuing them. Show off your style, listen to your music, try new foods, practice your beliefs. Do what makes your soul happy. You are in control of your own life, don’t let anyone else live it. Live life to the fullest. Why should you waste your life trying to keep up with new trends when you’d rather make your own?

Stop Worrying About What People Think Of You

If you’re under the impression that someone doesn’t like you for you, that perfectly okay. It’s not your fault they can’t see all the wonderful things about you! You should never feel like to have to change for others. Understand that you’ll never be happy with yourself if you constantly compare yourself to others, and try to please everyone you meet. Why do we constantly waste our time and energy on trying to be someone we aren’t, just to please people? Steve to please yourself and God and live life happy.

There is a vitality, a life force, a energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it off, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.

Martha Graham

People go their entitles lives trying to be someone else. Those people who live as if they are someone else will lose their true selves, never to be found again. Start now, before it’s too late.

Be your own inspiration!

Each and everyone of us is born with unique traits and characteristics that help us shine and find our true calling. Learn to love yourself for who you are. When people persistently avoid us for being ourselves, it makes it much harder to embrace our uniqueness. I challenge you to be the best version of yourself you can possibly be. Who knows you might inspire someone to be their true selves too.

After all having one or two good friends who adore you of far better than having multiple friend who like who you pretend to be.

Everyone has quirks, some are good and some not so good, you can become a more likable person if you don’t follow the crowd. Take the path less traveled – that‘s where the hidden treasure is found. Be the truest you, you can be.

Today you are you, that is truer than true. Their is no one alive that is youer than you. – Dr Sues

What Hinders Our Prayers

It is to the Lord’s delight to give us what we asked for him in prayer. Like David in the Psalms, we should all pray, “ O’God, hear my prayer; give ear to my words of my mouth. If Christians did not believe deficiency of prayer, there would be no reason for us to ask anything of God. He is the one who tells us that we have to have confidence that our prayers ascend to Him, “ and this is the confidence that we have toward Him,, that if we ask anything according to His will He will hear us in whatever we ask, do you know that we have the request that we have after Him. ( 1 John 5:14-15).

So, why do our prayers go unanswered? Many Christians will play lip service. The fact of that our prayer often or hindered there are times when we feel like our prayers are reaching dealing and going no further; while we are for that God does hear our prayers, there are times when he chooses not to heed or answer them.

Selfish Motives, Play a part in human nature that we naturally regard for our own interests instead of the interests of others. We regard or own interests ahead of God’s. We have to make sure we are praying God’s will not our will. We must ask only things that are consistent with the character and nature of God. We must ask for things that are worth the spiritual benefit of ourselves old person or whose behalf we pray.. God will not answer our self-centered self-serving prayers.

Turning Away From Scripture, if we are not spending time immersing ourselves in scripture and we are not obeying what we have learned, we should not expect God to answer our prayers. Our defiance and ignoring the life-giving words of the Bible maybe hindering our prayers are being answered.

We Pray Best And Most Effectively When We Are Saturated In The Word Of God

When we read the words of scripture, we ask and encourage God to speak to us. He provides understanding we need to live lives that will bring glory to Him – Lives that are increasingly consistent with His standards of grace and holiness. If we thumb our nose is at the importance of this discipline and if we disobey what He teaches. He will not answer our prayers. Without submitting ourselves to scripture, we may not even know what or how to pray.

Unforgiving Hearts, As Christians we have been forgiven for the greatest of offenses. He has been forgiven for knowingly, purposely and unrepentantly transgressing the law of God. And yet we are often slow to forgive our fellow man for even the smallest of transgressions. Even the biggest of sins against us are nothing compared to how we sin against God. Our ongoing assurance of pardon before God is in someway dependent on our willingness to forgive others. We must be attentive to our hearts, to hear that we are not harboring hatred or resentment toward others. If we Don’t have an attitude towards forgiveness should expect our prayers to be hindered.

Family Discord, It is God’s will that families live together in peace and harmony. It is, of course, impossible for us to live in perfect peace, but God demand that we maintain close relationships and we seek harmony in our family relationships. It is a foremost responsibility as the father as the head of household, to ensure that there is not discord within the family. When this discord exists, especially in a relationship between a husband and wife, their prayers may be hindered.

A relationship between a husband and a wife is to reflect that of Christ and His church, It is to be a relationship of absolute love, adoration, and sacrifice. In Christ gave His life for the Church, how can I husband do any list for his wife? This is impossible when your relationship is strained or broken. We should examine our relationships to learn sure that there is not a hindrance to our prayers.

Unconfessed Sin, Just as unforgiveness can hinder our prayers, so can sin in our lives that we have refused to confess before God. Psalm 66:18, says, “If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.

There are Christians who have been trying to get there per answered for many years. They can’t understand why they’re not healed why the people they’re praying for or not doing any better. They are doing all of these things but she’ll get her prayers are not being answered.

Doubt, God wants us to have confidence in His ability and willingness to provide what is necessary for us to contain godliness. He wants us to believe that He can and will do what He says. When we doubt we are expecting a rejection when we pray- We are expecting a rejection when we pray. James 1:5-7 tells us, “ if any of you lack wisdom, let them ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given to Him. But let them ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord.

Our Prayers Cannot Be Separated From Our Faith

Our prayers cannot be separated from our faith. If we are to ask God, we must act with expectancy, believing in our heart of hearts that God can and will give us what we desire, provided that what we desire is really what we need.

If we pray and expect to be answered, we cannot complain or have doubt after we prayed. Our prayers will be hindered with the words of our mouths and the attitude of our hearts.