Why Assuming Might Be Your Most Dangerous Daily Habit

Assumptions Kill.

This is not an exaggeration, it a fact.

As insignificant and meaningless some assumptions may be, others can change the course of your life. And I’ve witnessed it first hand.

My father would always say, “when you assume you make an “ass out of u and me.” Those words have stuck with me all these years.

We need to make sure assumptions don’t lead to mistakes in our lives.

Assumptions Are Dangerous In Many Spectrums:

From word, business, and for our personal life. How exactly? I’ll give you the short version. But first, understand that even as I am writing this, I’m not perfect with managing assumptions either.

Just like you, I’m make assumptions. Most of them, probably subconsciously. I’m not sure it’s even realistic to try to erase all the smallest assumptions we tend to make daily, the ones that have little to no impact on out lives.

But awareness is the first step to avoiding assumptions that could cost us big time.

Because of my father never assume is one of my top core values.

Once we’re aware and consciously seeking to get ride of assumptions in our daily lives, we get to keep control of situations, we avoid communication problems, and ultimately, we drastically reduce the mistake made by ourselves, and others.

Essentially in our world today, we assume someone is a certain color and we assume they are bad. The fact is no matter what color you skin is, there is good and bad in everyone. Just because they have a different belief system does mean there terrible people.

Assumptions allow you to hide behind your version of the story. This men’s you don’t own your part in the true story. We sometimes prefer to blame others for our misfortune, rather than look in the mirror. They keep you stuck in the past.

It’s easy to make assumptions. All you need is incomplete information about a situation. And an unwillingness to ask the questions you need to complete information. In the absence of complete information, you have to fill in the blanks yourself.

You’ll fill in the blanks with your interpretation comes from past experiences that seem similar. It comes from your past experiences and also from those you’ve heard about from others.

Armed with your information. You tend to connect the dots that aren’t there. Your brain can’t help doing this because you’re missing information. Trying to make sense of the situation, you make connections between today and the past. Connections that don’t really exist. You jump to the wrong conclusions.

Have you ever heard someone say “All men are bad?”They were assuming from their past relationships. The truth is not All men are not bad. There are not bad.

How Assumptions Develop

If assumptions are incorrect when dealing with rational matters, ponder this. What happens when your emotions come into play?

All hell breaks loose. You s to emotions arrive with many sensitive buttons. These buttons are the places where you got hurt in the past. Your memory has stored this past pain. And activates it whenever your nervous system recognizes anything that feels painfully familiar.

Once activated, you react as if you’re experiencing that same pain again. Your old pain feels as real today as it did when you got hurt. Your present situation doesn’t even need to be the same as the past one that hurt you.

What Assumptions Do

Behind the harsh words that come to the surface lies the orginal hurt. And the unwillingness to step up and own part of it.

This is toxic for the people you’re lashing out at, and for you. The negative energy expressed with this can take a toll on health. Theirs and yours. And by pressing your pain buttons again and again, you deeper your hurt.

Why You Should Avoid Making Assumptions Like The Plague

1. They’re an easy out. The path of least resistance is also the path of least growth.

2. They stop you from taking responsibility for your life. Assumptions allow you to hide behind your version of the story.

3. They keep you stuck in the past. Assumptions rely on old information to fill in the blanks and connect the dots. Instead of expanding your horizons, you retreat into the past, a painful past.

4. It’s lazy behavior. Instead of asking questions to get the information you need, you jump to conclusions.

5. They foster a negative mindset. Most assumptions are derived from old information. This reinforces your innate negativity bias that dates back to prehistoric times. And it keeps you thinking the world is a hostile place.

6. Assumptions are always wrong. I have a perfect record of the assumptions I’ve made. 100% of them have been wrong. And it’s hard to believe that I’m unique in this.

Life Beyond Assumptions

These days, instead of making assumptions, I ask questions. Lots of them. Even if this means finding out a truth that might be painful to hear. If my default behavior kicks in and I start to assume something, I notice it. And nip in the bud.

Since I started asking questions and stopped making assumptions, I’m much happier. I’ve managed to release much of my past pain by not activating it constantly. I’ve grown a lot from the information I’ve gathered through asking questions. I enjoy conversations more because I’m not worried about protecting myself. I’ve deepened my compassion for others by understanding the fears that lay behind their assumptions. I’m more positive. And I’m more fun to be around.

Why Is Hope So Important?

To have hope is to want an outcome that makes your life better in some way. It not only can help make a tough present situation more bearable but also eventually improve our lives because envisioning a better future motivates us to take the steps to make it happen.

I don’t know about you but I find myself saying “I’ll be glad when this is over.” whether it a bad day, or trial in my life. I have hope it will be better when it’s over.

Whether we think about it or not, hope is a part of everyone’s life. Everyone hopes for something. It’s an inherent part of being human. Hope helps define what we want in our future and is part of the self-narrative about the lives we all have running inside our minds.

So, What Is Hope Exactly?

The definition of hope can differ depending on the person doing the talking. When people speak about hope in a spiritual context, it might mean believing good things will happen with faith in a higher power. They might direct their hopes outward in prayer.

For others, it might mean always looking on the bright side and seeing challenges as opportunities. In other words, always “hoping for the best.”

Webster’s diction makes “hope” seem close to “wish” or “to cherish a desire with anticipation: to want something to happen to be true.”

Whatever the details, hope in general means a desire for things to change for the better, and to want that better, and to want the better situation very much.

Hope Is Not Optimism

Hope is not the same as optimism. An optimistic generally are more hopeful than others. On the other hand, the most pessimistic person you’ve ever met can be hopeful about something. Hope is very specific and focused, usually on just one issue.

Such as “I hope I get that job I interviewed for” or “I hope he/she calls me.” Or, for a little kid during Christmas, “I hope I get the bike I wanted.”

Why Hope Is So Vital

Most people associate hope with a dire situation. People hope to get out of difficult circumstances. That is often when people do find themselves hoping fervently. But, hope can also provide the key to making every day better.

That’s because just envisioning something hopeful-thr child seeing themself riding they’re new bike for example -gives them a moment of happiness.

According to Psychology Today, it can make present difficulties much easier to bear.

For example Children who grew up in poverty but had success later in life all had one thing in common-hope. Hope involves “planning and motivation and determination” to get what one hopes for.

The Deeper Meaning

In a way, having hope links your past and present to the future. Say you have a vision for what you hope will happen. Whether it does not, just envisioning it can make you feel better. And if it’s something you can somewhat control- like the kids working to get out of poverty-then hope can motivate you to take whatever steps you need to take.

For example: my Grandfather worked in the coal mines all his life, and my father started working in the coal mine at age 12. At age 17 he joined the Military and retired from there, he came home then began working as a painter. To provide for his family, yes we were poor but not as poor as my grandparents were. Today I am not as poor as I was growing up. It is the hope of being better off that motivates us.

The author Dr. Neel Burton who writes about emotions, writes that he always asks patients for what they hope for, because is they say “nothing” then that is a sign of depression or worse.

Having hope is important to the very act of being human. Hope is a match in a dark tunnel, a moment of light, just enough to reveal the path ahead and ultimately the way out.

Always Do What’s Best For You

Some people think that you are selfish when you do what’s best for you. People seem to think that doing what’s best for you makes you a bad person because it hurts others, but what about the people who are hurting you? Should you just let continue to hurt you and and stat in a situation that you don’t want to be in so that you don’t hurt them? The answer is no, you shouldn’t.

I’m not telling you that you should jump overboard as soon as things start getting bad. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Don’t jump overboard until the ship in sinking because there’s still hope that things will be fixed and it will float again. But there comes a point where you have to go overboard, or go down with the ship.

If things get to the point where you are worried about yourself and how the situation is hurting you, then do what is best and extract yourself from it. Whether it leaving one place for another, ending a toxic relationship, or following your dreams and leaving behind those who don’t believe in you, do what’s best for you if you feel that it is necessary.

Ultimately it your life, no one else’s. You are the one that has to live with your choices. You are the one that matters most in your life. I know that may seem selfish, but that’s just the truth of it. If you aren’t happy in the place you are in your life, do something about it. Do what’s best for you.

I know it isn’t easy. Sometimes doing what is best for you, what is right for you, can be the hardest thing in your entire life. But it’s worth it. Your happiness is worth it.

The point of life is to be happy and content. So work towards that. Don’t stay in unhealthy environments because that isn’t making you happy. You aren’t content in those environments, so don’t punish yourself by staying there.

People are going to say that you are selfish, and you know what? Let them. They don’t know how you feel. They can’t understand who you are doing what they your doing, but that shouldn’t stop you. You are the most important thing in your life because it’s your life, not someone else’s.

I used to think that taking care of myself, worrying about myself, and doing what was best for me, was selfish. But someone once told me that looking out for your well-being wasn’t selfish; it’s human. And he was right.

I needed to take care of myself a tad bit more instead of always putting everyone before me. I needed to worry about myself instead of what everyone else thought about what I was doing. And most of all, I needed to do what’s best for me, no matter how hard it was, or how selfish people were going to think I was.

So Be Human

Be human and take care of yourself and make sure you are OK.

Be human and worry about yourself before everyone else once in a while.

Be human and do what is best for you because it isn’t selfish.

It’s human

How To End Your Double-Mindedness

Have you ever found yourself wanting one thing but doing something totally opposite?

Like maybe after spending an hour at the gym, then you decide to eat a bowl of ice cream. Chances are, you’ll never reach your goal on the bathroom scale that way. Or you want to get married, but you want to keep being selfish. You want to make impulsive purchases when shopping and you have no financial growth security. Or you’re not ready to stop sinning, but you want a growing relationship with God. Stop! It doesn’t work that way. These things cannot co-exist, and it’s double-mindedness to want them.

Notice Three Things The Bible Says About Double–Mindedness:

First double-Minded people are everywhere. There is double-mindedness in all of us. There are competing things we want that we try to make it go together. And we have to think differently about this.

If I really want this, I’m not going to have that. I have to get off the fence and stop with the in-between. No more half-measures. I have to settle this. What do I really want?

Second, double-mindedness creates instability. Are the kids wondering which mom is coming home today? Is he extended family worried about how that uncle is going to act at the next family gathering? Are all the employees on edge anticipating what the office will be like when the boss arrives?

Or maybe it’s you. Your unstable, and you know it. The people around you sure know it. You’re unpredictable. You might try to hide it in public, but people close to you see it and they never know what to expect from you. The Botton line is that you want two things that can’t co-exist, and it make you unstable.

Third, double-mindedness affects everything. The guys who is double-minded about his marriage? It’s affecting his career. The woman who’s double-Minded about her finances? It’s affecting her parenting.

You might protest, “I make some bad financial decisions, but I would never do anything to hurt my family!” Well, you actually are. Double-mindedness affects everything.

In the past I drank a lot of alcohol, thinking it would help me relax from my stressful life. But it all actuality it made it worse, I let in affect my marriage, my parenting, and I never had any money. It affected my life in every aspect.

Ending double-mindedness isn’t easy, but it’s pretty simple. You have to want to think differently. And you have to take action that reinforces your desire.

“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” – James 1:8

“Be doers of the word, and not hearing only, deceiving yourselves.” – James 1:22

Unforgiveness Clogs Your Blessing Pipe

There was a time I couldn’t/wouldn’t forgive anyone for anything they had done to me.

Then I learned the forgiveness is how God deals with mankind. He is not a grudge-holder, but a forgiving Father. Since we are His children, we should and can also be a forgiven. It’s for our ultimate benefit. Harboring Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. In reality we are killing ourselves slowly. It’s not hurting the one you’re holding a grudge against, it’s hurting you.

Unforgiveness is going against God’s principles. If we don’t choose to deal with people in the same manner God does (by forgiving), then we are disobeying His many admonitions to forgive outside His realm, so we can expect the result of that our lives. We can’t go against His nature (by harboring Unforgiveness) and expect His blessings to flow.

In other words, if we harbor Unforgiveness, we’re “clogging the blessing pipe.” All of Gods blessings belong to and are always flowing to us in Christ Jesus, (Ephesians 1:3) and He always loves us. (Jeremiah 31:3)

When we disobey His command to forgive, that clogs the pipe.

There is something standing between us and His blessings, and that thing is Unforgiveness. Unforgiveness puts us outside God’s promises.

One the other hand, when we do choose to forgive , we’re right there in His bailiwick. I know bailiwick is a funny word, but Webster’s dictionary defines it as “a special domain” or “a jurisdiction.” When we choose forgiveness, we’re right there with God and His domain, we’re in His jurisdiction, which means all that He is and all they He’s promised is available to us.

You could say He lives in “forgiveness land” where forgiveness is the way of life.

If we choose to keep Unforgiveness, then we’re out of His jurisdiction, out of the reach of His blessings and protection. I have been there and I don’t want to be there anymore. Do You?

I’m glad to live in God’s domain and receive His blessings. I’ve discovered that one of the req for living there is that I must also forgive, as He does. Ephesians 4:32 says it is the way; “Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you.

I don’t want to live in “grudge-holding land” because God is not there.

I choose forgiveness.

Matthew 7:1-3 “Judge not, lest you be judged.”

Be A Victor Not A Victim

In recent years many people around the world have become proficient in the art of being oppressed. There is conflict between choosing the victim or Victor mindset in how one chooses to live.

“Your attitude determines your altitude.” The victim hood narrative is one that draws quick assumptions and assume the worst. This mentality leaves little room for growing beyond the challenges we all face, and places the responsibility to face the world onto others.

Victor mentality believes that you are in control of your life and welcomes challenges, knowing they can overcome with hard work. Seeing yourself as a Victor in life leads to confidence and success. A victim complains that life is unfair whereas a Victor acknowledges life is unfair to everyone.

When comparing the Victor to victim mindset is like using a rope to reach the top. The Victor narrative sees that how high you get up the ladder would be the result of one’s own effort, while the victim allows the challenges they face to keep them down and others to pull them up. America is a very privileged country and with hard work there’s no reason the top cannot be reached.

Some other ways to stop the victim hood narrative is to avoid identity politics. Identity politics seeks to exploit and allow people to blame others for the failures in their lives. I don’t need to hear from anyone where I’m oppressed or not. I believe we have all the resources we need to succeed.

In society today, I urge all to choose a Victor mindset. In seeking this mindset, I find it vita, to be realistic and prepared to do what it takes to become successful.

I have a few individuals in my life, who complain they their isn’t any employment opportunities for them. I true of the matter it there are a lot of employment opportunities, they just refuse to work.

A victim gets themselves tied up in knots and allows this to affect their efforts. Victors prepare their mind every day to do what needs to be done to reach their eventual goal. Ultimately this all comes down to choosing one mindset of looking at life over the other.

I lived with a victim hood mentality for years.

All people face some sort of oppression that can be a setback in their lives.

What separates those who rise to the top is all about mindset. Everyone needs help from time to time and that is what make America great. The help is there for those who need it, but to take that help and use it to be successful on their own. Don’t take advantage of the help you for doing nothing.

The victim mentality is being challenged in many ways. Let winning become a culture in your life. Wake up everyday deciding to work hard and not let others control your destiny. Do everything you can to be the best version of yourself and you will see victorious or that amounts to greatness in your life.

If you are unhappy with your life seek to change it. Choose to change your mindset and stray from victimhood and you will be a Victor in this life who stands strong on your own two feet.